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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls told to wear longer skirts at school because the boys are distracted and male teachers feel uncomfortable.

585 replies

Exercisejunkieforlife · 05/04/2017 08:54

My DD is 15, yesterday all the girls were kept behind in assembly and told they must wear skirts from the official uniform shop.
I have no problem with this as this is where we get DDs skirts, my problem is with the reasons given.

They were told that it distracts the boys when the girls walk up the stairs and makes the male teachers feel uncomfortable.

AIBU to think that the girls should not have to modify their behaviour / what they wear so the 'boys' don't look up their skirts and that the male teachers are responsible for their own feelings. ?

OP posts:
Slarti · 05/04/2017 17:14

Yes, because society always puts the comfort , convenience and opinions of women over the comfort, convenience and opinions of men.

Are you implying that's what i said? Because that would be bullshit wouldn't it?

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2017 17:23

Boys don't show their underwear at school anyway. I think we have established that.

Moussemoose · 05/04/2017 17:39

I work with young people we don't have a uniform but we do ask them dress 'decently'. We spend time telling the girls to cover up. We also spend a lot of time telling the boys to get their hands out of their pants! The boys do show their pants and fiddle with their bits. They get quite offended when we tell them not to.Wink

mousymary · 05/04/2017 17:57

Teens are awful, aren't they, whatever the sex!

I come back to the trousers issue and the skin-tight ones. They, to me, are worse than the short skirts as they look unhygienic unless they are being washed every single day and how can anyone imagine that "Miss Sexy" emblazoned on one's backside is appropriate dress? I did a bit of a search and on MN and NM some mothers were whining that what was wrong with MissSexy trousers as they fitted and their dds wanted to wear them blah de blah.

rosethyme · 05/04/2017 18:21

Short skirts were the fashion in the 60s, since then girls like wearing them whether in fashion or not.

Moussemoose · 05/04/2017 18:51

We have had a few incidents with low hanging trousers - boys - where the trousers have just fallen down.
We deal with this in an entirely processional way that does not involve pointing and laughing.

Emboo19 · 05/04/2017 19:02

boys don't show their underwear at school I saw plenty of boys underwear at school! And not because we were getting up to anything! But if their shirts were untucked and rode up, generally during break time playing sports or classes such as art/dt, you quite often saw the band of their boxers. Of course boys had no restrictions on what colour underwear they wore, maybe if they had all worn grey underwear it would have been less noticeable!

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2017 19:05

Not the band of their boxers?! Shock How awful for you.

DS never takes his blazer off but he doesn't tuck his shirt in his pants either.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 05/04/2017 19:18

emoo

I have seen builders bum on a few lads

Smile
MaisyPops · 05/04/2017 19:23

I'm a teacher and HATE the 'it distracts the boys' argument.

Its so much simpler than that.

  1. School has uniform
  2. School sets rules
  3. All students have to follow them

If that means not wearing bum skinming skirts, no trainers, boys not wearing their trousers lower than their underwear so be it.
Nothing about distracting the opposite sex and everytging to with learning that you cant do what you like in life.
Workplaces have uniforms and dress codes. Thry also have professional conduct expectations. Adults follow them. Simple.

Emboo19 · 05/04/2017 19:30

I know Sparklingbrook almost as awful as the poor boys having to see the outline of my bra Shock

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2017 19:35

Or maybe a bra strap? Shock

grannytomine · 05/04/2017 19:52

I think seeing the band at the top of underpants is a bit different to seeing the crotch of pants. It is highly unlikely you would see the business end of boys underpants even if their trousers are a bit low. With very short skirts it hard to avoid.

MaisyPops · 05/04/2017 19:54

Outline of a bra, no biggie.

What drove me mad was the trend for wearing bright neon bras under white shirts. Apparently it wasnt done for peoppe to notice at all(?!?!?!) and anyone who commented was clearly weird for noticing girls underwear. Loads of comments on social media targeted a particular school near me calling staff all kinds of things for daring to suggest that deliberately wearing underwear to be seen isnt really appropriate.

NancyWake · 05/04/2017 20:42

Sparkling we haven't established that boys don't show their pants at school, simply that you wouldn't send your son to a school with no uniform.

Some boys do - like the school up the road from me.

NancyWake · 05/04/2017 20:46

SeekEveryKnownHidingPlace nails it.

It is reasonable in its rationale that professional length skirts are appropriate and very short ones are not.

It is not reasonable if that rationale has anything to do with how men and boys might feel about it.

Tell them 'that skirt is too short for school'. Not 'that skirt is too short for men and boys to have to cope with'. Easy.

ForalltheSaints · 05/04/2017 21:03

MaisyPops you have the same thoughts as I do. Put better than i could.

TheGonnagle · 06/04/2017 03:49

The only thing that bothers me here is the gender specific teacher who feels uncomfortable.
I can assure you that as a female teacher there are times when walking ups stairs at work without catching an eyeful is pretty damn challenging (depending which school I am in at the time).
Yes I'm female, yes it makes me feel uncomfortable, and yes, I think that the school should be policing it for the good of the entire community.

coconuttella · 06/04/2017 07:22

Is it not possible for a girl to do something because she likes to without it needing to be "for" somebody.

It is possible or course... But I think it's naive to think that most teenage girls who wear very short skirts are not doing so to be sexually appealing to boys, and/or to be seen by other girls to be attractive to the opposite sex. It's not just teenage boys who are a seething mess of hormones! An overly sexed environment is not conducive to good education, so if either sex is acting in a way which is overly sexualised, be that in their clothing or otherwise, the school should take action.

carefreeeee · 06/04/2017 09:05

It's a bit naive to suggest that male teachers may not be distracted by seeing teenage girls mincing about in clothing that doesn't cover their underwear!

Teachers can of course control their behaviour and where they look, and of course they should, but we are all human and many of these girls are sexually mature. It is completely different from a teacher who is distracted by a primary age child in a pair of tight leggings for example.

I don't see anything wrong with girls (and boys) learning that more modest clothes are suitable for the workplace or school and more revealing clothes more suitable for the bedroom, gym , or a night out.

There are definitely some double standards at work here, people saying that boys/men should just not be affected by girls dressing in this way. The whole reason for dressing like that is to attract attention. If women wore extremely short skirts or neon underwear that was on show in our office, it would be obvious that they were doing it to attract attention and they would likely get a lot of disapproval from both male and female colleagues.

carefreeeee · 06/04/2017 09:07

Is it not possible for a girl to do something because she likes to without it needing to be "for" somebody.

If these girls are dressing like that at home when no-one's there to see them I believe you! Plus no you can't always just do what you like and do need to consider the effects on others.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/04/2017 09:14

Best idea would be to get rid if uniform altogether.

If the whole idea wasn't to hide any evidence of the fact you may actually be female like we shouldn't even be there then there wouldn't be This "problem"

And when own clothes wouldn't be such a novelty people would just wear jeans and t shirts like everywhere else that doesn't have a uniform.

mousymary · 06/04/2017 09:17

Regarding the attracting the opposite sex argument, I think actually at school it's less of a problem, as the kids are familiar with each other and largely not ogling.

But... near the dcs' school is a car wash. Apparently there has been leering as some of the girls walk past, and gesturing and miming about skirts.

So I think it's also about perception out of school very much as well as in it.

LydsMez · 06/04/2017 10:01

Interesting topic! School should be a place to learn not a blooming fashion parade. Yes, I get that children want to express their individuality but essentially, you wear a uniform for several good reasons (school identity, levelling etc). I think to blame boys and male teachers for the uniform rule is ridiculous by the school. But....should a girl be wearing a really short skirt to school? It's not an appropriate place, IMHO

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/04/2017 10:19

Well let's fave it a large percentage if the "rules" wouldn't be needed if somewhere along the line someone hasn't just assumed getting the girls to look like the boys get let's throw in a particularly unflattering never gonna fit everyone because well..puberty...skirt to make it look like we mean it and assume everything is going to be ok.

Scholl u inform as it stands really is not suitable for girls. It basically emphasises any body problem a person may have

No boobs, well great let everyone see you are still in a crop top age 14 cos the shirts are see though. Big boobs well what a nice look it it to have to either be busting out the seams if your uniform regulation shirt or hope to God no one notices it's not the logo shirt cos none fit. Never mind the fact that white bras in some sizes are hard to source we will put any girl who is wearing the wrong colour bra in isolation and introduce a blazer then make then sit and roast in it because they are in trouble if we see the very underwear we had to go out and buy because we can see it through the white shirts school Insist on. Who cares that girls have to sir there in blazers the size of a tent swamped to fuck just because they have breasts...

And the skirts. If you are very slim and have to size down several sizes it's always going to be too short.

If you are on the curvy side well I heard parachutes are in fashion probably be told it's too long then.... and if xourse any trousers that might actually fit are the wrong style because the entire population has the perfect figure for the 2 approved styles don't they Hmm

We end up with threads like the other one where a girl gained a couple of pounds and theyndecuded her thighs changed the whole style if trousers from previously ok to the forbidden skinnys. Way to givd a girl issues.

Who the fuck really thinks uniforms are remotely fit for purpose when the very rules girls are being given detentions for breaking only exist because instead of looking at the issue as a whole some idiot just thought that a boys uniform could be transferred over to a girl and we can throw in a skirt and all will be ok...

And then they wonder why people take the one opportunity there is to not hide the fact there's a body somewhere under the sacks and sheets and roll up a skirt