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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overthinking?

22 replies

Mrsmagooo123 · 04/04/2017 18:09

Hello everyone
Please be nice I'm a first time poster on here and I need advice.
Back story I'm adopted from the age of 3 months old.

My adopted mother has older children,

Anyway my nephew recently got married before he married him and his wife were ttc and it never happened.
Now here's my issue.
He invited all the aunts and uncles to his wedding except for me and my family.
His reason was because I'm adopted so I'm not a real aunt.
Never in the past have we had issues or a falling out I was very hurt.
Now he and his wife can't have children and they have just announced they are going to be adopting a child.
I feel really muddled up and hurt and just odd about the whole thing.
Wibu to say anything?

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 04/04/2017 18:12

Did his parent (your Mum's older child?) not say anything to him about it?

MaidOfStars · 04/04/2017 18:13

YANBU to feel hurt, he's behaved appallingly to you. Flowers

sooperdooper · 04/04/2017 18:15

Wow how utterly hurtful of them :(

Did you talk to you adopted mother or the parent if your nephew at the time? I think you'd be very much within your rights to point out how cruel their decision over the wedding invite was and how hypocritical it is give the situation of them now adopting

Mu123 · 04/04/2017 18:16

Thats awful. Were/are you close to your siblings? Whats your dm's thoughts on this?

Screwinthetuna · 04/04/2017 18:20

That's really, really shit of them and karma has bitten them on the ass. Yes, I would 100% have to say something, petty or not.

CactusFred · 04/04/2017 18:21

He shouldn't be allowed to adopt as the child 'wouldn't be his real child'!

How awful for you OP.

ImperialBlether · 04/04/2017 18:21

It's a shame this didn't come up when they put in for adoption - they have to have people say they're suitable; these people clearly aren't.

Silverdream · 04/04/2017 18:23

That's very hurtful and to be honest he seems to be lacking understanding.
He will now realise that there is no difference between a blood relative and an adopted one. Sometimes people only 'get' something when in that position themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if when he's adopted and becomes a parent that he reflects back on his actions.
Perhaps go in at another angle. Wait till they adopt and then pass comment. Say something like do you know how amazing and important it is to feel loved and part of a family. Just leave it as that. Saying it without saying it. Iykwim.

hungryhippo90 · 04/04/2017 18:24

they are twats, sorry Mrsmagoo.. xx

MaidOfStars · 04/04/2017 18:24

Did he tell you the reason for the lack of invitation to you directly?

Notthemessiah · 04/04/2017 18:25

What are you thinking of saying and to whom?

Hard to believe someone can be that much of a shitbag.

NavyandWhite · 04/04/2017 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olderthanyouthink · 04/04/2017 18:28

That's awful. I feel sorry for their potential adopted DC. Will he treat it like a "Real" DC?

If they miraculously have a bio DC it could be awful for the adopted one.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 04/04/2017 18:29

Wow what an appalling thing to say and do I'm really shocked that anyone would say that!!!!
Personally I would have told them how deeply hurt you found their attitude at the time, I've had similar shit being illegitimate in the 1960s and I always say something so nobody dares to question it now.

FatOldBag · 04/04/2017 18:31

I'm also struggling to believe someone can be such a shitbag. Yes, definitely speak to him directly about it, then go to their local authority adoption people and explain your concerns. Fuckers like this shouldn't be allowed anywhere near an adopted child.

TheUpsideDown · 04/04/2017 18:36

Wow... really? How bloody awful!

If that was me I would be inclined to make a passing comment of "so will this adopted child be considered 'real' or will said child be excluded from important family occasions because it's not 'real' family?"

Did your parents not say anything to your nephew at the time, or other family members? Because if I was a relative of an adopted child I would have absolutely boycotted that wedding!

mycatloveslego · 04/04/2017 18:41

That's bloody awful, you have been part of his family for all but 12 weeks of your life.
I'd question whether your nephew and his wife are suitable for adoption, they clearly demonstrated that they have an issue with it by the way they treated you and your family. You have every right to call them out on their double standards.

podrig · 04/04/2017 18:44

Really illogical and really hurtful. Sorry OP.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 04/04/2017 18:45

Is your (adoptive) mother still alive? presumably this nephews parent is one of your siblings? what did they say about the exclusion?

SparklyLeprechaun · 04/04/2017 18:50

How awful! Did he actually say that to you? Could there be no other reason, like really big age gap between you and your siblings meaning you are not that close to them? Clutching at straws here, I can't believe someone could be that much of an arsehole.

fizzingwhizbee · 04/04/2017 19:09

That's an awful thing for him to say!!

My mum is adopted and her family and extended family have always treated her like everyone else in the family.

Your nephew should be mortified.

Rosieandtim · 04/04/2017 19:14

Wow, that's totally shit, I'm so sorry.

Is there a large age gap?

If you were raised as siblings with your nephew's parent, then this is shocking.

I wouldn't say anything, no, but yanbu to be hurt. Did your mum not say anything?

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