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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think headmistress is living in la la land?

442 replies

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 17:39

Get out of a 30 min meeting at work 5missed calls on mobile and my secretary comes rushing over at same time land line calls. Headmistress from ds school. DS has run into post and banged his nose. Can I get there immediately. Apparently DS is fine but we have to pick him up. Explain I will be about 45 min as need to pack up and get train and walk to school. DH about an hour away. Quizzed about couldn't a grandparent pick up
DS (no the nearest is 2 hours away). Didn't we have friends? Yes but it's not 1955 so they all work? Other relatives? No they live miles away and yes they work. Set off to school. Head mistress rings DH goes through same questions. As no one has moved house in last 5min gets same answer. Get to school. DS sat chatting to school secretary happy as you like. Head mistress goes through same questions nope still no one hAs moved or given up job in last 45 min. But there must be someone says the head. Well no actually there isn't. But she wants someone who can be at school in 5 min. Start to get pissed off. No one I tell her. She then shakes her head and says I guess that's how it is these days then. Aibu to be pissed off and felt judged about the fact I have moved away from the family home, got a job and don't just drop off child and sit at home all day? If it had been urgent I would have jumped in a taxi

OP posts:
CountryCaterpillar · 05/04/2017 21:06

I imagine if you are eating first aid at work you dont have to do it whilst simultaneously giving a presentation to clients, or be interested from your presentation while you spend and hour with someone being sick. There's a serious lack of personnel in school. Teachers are willing... But they're teaching! You can't just leave a class to sit with a child. Similarly the office person is dealing with parents calling/people coming in that have to have badges etc.

CountryCaterpillar · 05/04/2017 21:06

Arg. Autocorrect.

Lagirafe · 05/04/2017 21:13

Ridiculous. Ignore.

It's 2017 and the government want us all to be working.

Even if you were a SAHM you could have been out of signal for 45 mins in the supermarket or whatever (why are supermarkets always black holes for mobile signal?!).

I have very little support locally and have been asked if I can put "another school mum" down as an emergency contact numerous times. I think it's a bloody cheek to put this responsibility on an aquantiance rather than a friend or family member.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 21:36

God that's depressing redshoeblueshoe. I mean, I can somewhat see the rationale, just about, since it's a care role, but NMW for that offends the shit out of me. They're caring. They should be getting paid more than NMW.

See how quickly I'd bankrupt the country if I was in charge? NMW would jump up several pounds, everyone would pay more taxes to fund schools and benefits properly, Amazon et al's suddenly very substantial tax bill would be funding free full-time nursery and university places, alcohol and tobacco industry tax bills would go directly to the NHS, and so on.

Benign tyranny. It is the only way forward. I'm kidding.

I think.

SouthPole · 05/04/2017 21:40

When I was a sahm the school tried to call me about my youngest who was sick.

Husband in the USA and me in a part of town fund raising for the fucking PTA where there was no reception (middle of nowhere!!)... they try to call me for half and hour. I see missed calls when I enter the land of the living once more and come straight
To school.

Head master meets me with a face on him saying "two more minutes and we'd have had to ring ss". I literally laughed whilst lifting the little one and said "yeah ok I can see how that would go...over stretched ss would love that - has she ever not picked up before? Late all the time? Ever late?! On a register? Any other worries? No?" It would have been no to all.

I laughed walking out the door. Power hungry freak.

Jeanneweany · 05/04/2017 21:59

Nutty bat. Ffs. What would happen if you worked as a doctor? Wtf.tell her you work for MI5 and you couldn't possibly discuss your domestic arrangements as that info is classified.

Original poster
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 05/04/2017 22:05

It might be an idea if teacher trading included first aid. No ones job is clear cut these days. If youre an accountant you are also expected to be a sales person, a typist, a personal
Development manager, a communications expert, a marketing manager, a negotiator and sometimes referee. Anyone who works in schools should be first aid trained

OP posts:
redshoeblueshoe · 05/04/2017 22:07

ForTheSake - yes its bloody depressing.
SouthPole - last week I was collecting GC, class was 10 minutes late out. I thought at the time if a parent was 10 minutes late they may ring SS.

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 22:08

I have no family within 120 miles but i do live in a village with a really good community, where I am friends with lots of other parents. And like me they all work. I can't think of any who don't and could pick up my dc within 5 mins. And even if they could I don't think I'd feel comfortable inflicting a vomiting child on them and expecting them to walk my child home with a sick bucket. Much better for the child to sit in an office somewhere in the school til in can get there.

redshoeblueshoe · 05/04/2017 22:10

Jeanne I do have a funny MI5 story, unfortunately I cannot tell Grin

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 22:13

And on the subject of school nurses, even if miraculously money was found to pay for a ft nurse I just can't see what they'd do all day, especially in a small school. So they could deal with the scabby knees and tummy aches, and maybe replace 1 to 1 TAs who cover the diabetic children or those with epilepsy when theur condition calls for help. They would of course then be available to deal with the vomiting child whose parent is an hour away. But all of this would cover a fraction of the school day. Even if they then covered some health education they would still be twiddling their thumbs for a large chunk of the day, especially if the school isn't very large.

Flynnshine · 05/04/2017 22:22

This is unbelievable behaviour but I have to laugh and be honest that I'm glad the head at your school is as batshit as the one at that school our dc goes to!

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 22:28

ToDuk In a very small school you could be absolutely right (hence why I'd make it a dual counselor/nurse role), but in anything medium to large, I can imagine them there are a heck of a lot of jobs in a day that they could take over that are currently being managed ad hoc, e.g.

  • managing the admin for SEN children, advising parents about SEN processes, being the school's contact between the government and parents/children, etc.
  • storing, monitoring, and dispensing medical supplies, e.g. asthma inhalers, epipens, insulin, allergy injections, etc.
  • organising and implementing vaccine schedules
  • all the usual day-to-day illness/injuries including watching kids, contacting parents about minor concerns, being the present adult in doctor/hospital cases
  • issuing parent alerts for outbreaks of F&M/lice/chicken pox/D&V/whatever
  • providing training/mentoring for staff/students

I'm pretty sure the epic admin trail alone from this kind of job could eat up hours of a school nurse's time, what with documenting every decision and action taken. Might some in very tiny schools find themselves occasionally thumb-twiddling? Sure. But still rather that than have no nurses whatsoever.

PossibleWeirdo · 05/04/2017 22:42

We get asked for more phone numbers for emergency contacts every time we fill in database forms for the DC - all are teens at secondary schools. We have no extended family - literally none - so they have my mobile, DH mobile and the house phone. Secretary at one school said (loudly, in the middle of busy reception, having asked the week before as well) "Surely there must be SOMEONE?" I replied (equally loudly) "No - my father has been on the sex offenders register since he was convicted of raping me as a child, so even if I was in touch with him I'm not sure it would be appropriate to have him as an emergency contact." She shut up and has not asked again since.

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 22:45

The sen stuff mentioned is the job of the senco. A nurse would need to do a whole extra level of senco training to be able to work on that or advise parents. Sen stands for special EDUCATIONAL needs, which suggests a teacher should do the job. Even in a medium to large primary school the number of children who have medication in school is still very small. I've worked in schools of all sizes from 38 children to over 2000. Very few would have enough to keep a nurse busy. Of course the largest schools I worked in did have a full time nurse but you really couldn't justify it in most primary schools.

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 22:46

And if you double them up so they are the counsellor too are you going to advocate children coming out of class to see them?

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 23:01

ToDuk I'll certainly bow to your greater knowledge of SEN. Ultimately if it really was an issue filling their time to the extent that there was literally nothing else they could do at all, then it would presumably make sense to have them in daily but perhaps start a little later/finish a little earlier. Even a part-time daily nurse is better than no nurse at all.

Why would it be a problem for children to leave class to see the nurse/counselor? Genuine question.

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 23:05

Im an sen teacher so am a bit passionate about it!
If this nurse was only in part time then they wouldn't really be available for all the children who may at some point need their parents so not sure much would be gained.

I wouldn't be too keen on children leaving classes to go chat to a counsellor at primary age. You'd end up with lots of children going just for a chat and a bit of attention. Genuine cases would be attention different matter but they go through a different process. Not enough to fill a part time job though, and of course if it was a split post you'd need someone who was a qualified nurse and a counsellor.

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 23:06

Don't get me wrong... in an ideal world a school nurse would be fab. Just not realistic in many schools, I don't think.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 23:12

TuDok: If this nurse was only in part time then they wouldn't really be available for all the children who may at some point need their parents so not sure much would be gained.

Agreed, this is why I'd want full-time. The other option would be a nurse who could also do other duties (mindfulness classes? yoga? healthy eating classes? general admin??) but that probably does really start grasping at straws. I still have a dream, though, of a full-time nurse and counselor in every school. Grin

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 23:12

TuDok: If this nurse was only in part time then they wouldn't really be available for all the children who may at some point need their parents so not sure much would be gained.

Agreed, this is why I'd want full-time. The other option would be a nurse who could also do other duties (mindfulness classes? yoga? healthy eating classes? general admin??) but that probably does really start grasping at straws. I still have a dream, though, of a full-time nurse and counselor in every school. Grin

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 23:13

Dammit. I hate double-posting. Angry

MidniteScribbler · 05/04/2017 23:13

I'm also a bit shocked by you saying teachers actively don't want first aid training. I think it should be mandatory.

Wow, this blows my mind a bit. I'm a teacher in Australia and it's mandatory to have a first aid certificate, asthma management training and anaphylaxis training, updated annually.

ToDuk · 05/04/2017 23:26

Forthesake it's a fine dream! Maybe one day something could happen...

Midnite when I trained there was absolutely no first aid training at all.

RiverTamFan · 06/04/2017 00:33

I was a SAHM and once got a phonecall from DD2's Infant School at around 12.30 demanding that I came and pick her up straight away. I told them they could want. 1 car family and that car was with me, being coaxed the end stage of 45 miles to the dealership because it was faulty. I could pick her up 30 minutes early but that was as good as it was going to get.

So no, not working doesn't guarantee availability, especially if you have an SEN child and spend school hours doing everything it is easier to not do with them involved. As for First Aid Training, I would love to know what it was about my DC's teachers that they thought the appropriate treatment for a head injury was to give the child lunch! Twice that happened.