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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think headmistress is living in la la land?

442 replies

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 17:39

Get out of a 30 min meeting at work 5missed calls on mobile and my secretary comes rushing over at same time land line calls. Headmistress from ds school. DS has run into post and banged his nose. Can I get there immediately. Apparently DS is fine but we have to pick him up. Explain I will be about 45 min as need to pack up and get train and walk to school. DH about an hour away. Quizzed about couldn't a grandparent pick up
DS (no the nearest is 2 hours away). Didn't we have friends? Yes but it's not 1955 so they all work? Other relatives? No they live miles away and yes they work. Set off to school. Head mistress rings DH goes through same questions. As no one has moved house in last 5min gets same answer. Get to school. DS sat chatting to school secretary happy as you like. Head mistress goes through same questions nope still no one hAs moved or given up job in last 45 min. But there must be someone says the head. Well no actually there isn't. But she wants someone who can be at school in 5 min. Start to get pissed off. No one I tell her. She then shakes her head and says I guess that's how it is these days then. Aibu to be pissed off and felt judged about the fact I have moved away from the family home, got a job and don't just drop off child and sit at home all day? If it had been urgent I would have jumped in a taxi

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 05/04/2017 16:25

Yes it's a bit unpleasent for the child to sit feeling sick. But that's not life threatening. Even nominating people - do you Think they will stay by the phone just in case? I certainly don't want my friends picking up my sick child - they would have to perhaos return to school again to pick up their own children (travel horrid for the child) and it's not fair to ask someone to expose their own child to a vomiting virus!

Much better to sit quietly in the reception area.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 05/04/2017 16:29

Koala I would in a heartbeat. There's year-round medical stuff to worry about - coughs, colds, flu, chicken pox, headlice, vaccinations, etc. For smaller schools I'd have the nurse/counsellor role combined and for big ones or ones with a higher catchment of students from difficult backgrounds, they would be separate. Even if they had quiet spells, imagine how useful such roles could be if they could also pass on basic first aid/mental health knowledge to the children and/or staff in mentoring sessions??

SlightlyTired · 05/04/2017 16:34

I agree with everything forthesakeoffuck has said. Unfortunately some women will always find reasons to beat up other women. I'm relatively used to being judged for working out of the home (the snide comment about "the professional" didn't go unnoticed, hearthole) - but being judged for the length of my commute is a new one on me.

WateryTart · 05/04/2017 16:40

Okay, so you think all schools, of any size, should have a full-time nurse or doctor on staff?

Never mentioned the word doctor. As to what they should do the rest of the time - maybe health education, helping support DCs with physical needs, monitoring diabetic or asthmatic DCs. Now that more and more DCs with SENs are in mainstream it would make sense to have someone medical on staff.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 05/04/2017 16:48

I have no problem with working or not working slightly. The 'professional' bit of my post was in reply to 'unpleasantness' directed at my situation by forthe.

Little bit of AIBU tit for tat. I sneered back...

Slightly hysterical responses I feel. School want another contact number. If no one else is available then the kid stays in reception. I'm sure it must feel like another fucking thing to do. It is though. Trying to have someone close by to help out in a bit of an emergency is sort of similar to making sure your kid has their PE kit. Normal, basic stuff.

minipie · 05/04/2017 16:55

KickAss not a bad idea at all.

They could also be paid to be in to take a delivery, hold keys in case of alarm going off/gas leak etc, be an emergency babysitter in other "rare but happens" situations, etc.

Would be great source of extra income for someone who tends to be at or near home much of the day anyway.

RebelRogue · 05/04/2017 16:58

But you can try all you want and make it your Christmas wish every year,you still can not magic people out of thin air.

The extra people i had as emergency contacts,one of them changed her work place so not available during the day anymore and the other is working now. I was emergency for them,but just like them i started working too so no can do anymore.

Topseyt · 05/04/2017 17:16

Some secondary schools do still seem to have a school nurse, though fewer and fewer.

It has also been asked a number of times where the funding for proper school nurses would come from. At the moment it simply isn't there and I can't really see it reappearing anytime soon.

This is a problem which isn't going to go away. Schools will need to adapt, and will need some resources to do so.

AnnabelC · 05/04/2017 17:30

Perhaps the HT didn't want to trouble you and your husband as you were working and not 5 mins away, rather than irritated by it taking longer than 5 mins.

Topseyt · 05/04/2017 17:47

I'm afraid that is very unlikely, AnnabelC.

Too many schools just don't grasp that parents actually work. It doesn't stop with wanting them collected at the drop of a hat either. Parents' evening held during the afternoon, parents' assemblies, costume days with virtually no notice given, meet the teacher, sports day. You are frowned upon if you cannot attend them. All of them.

They haven't yet moved on from forty or so years ago when many more women (it was almost unheard of for it to be men) were SAHPs once children were born.

hanahsaunt · 05/04/2017 17:52

The one and only time (so far, thank goodness) I have had to collect a child to take him to hospital (severed fingers) it took time to get there ... despite living not more than 10 minutes from school I did not spend my day off sitting at home next to the telephone just in case, I went out! Shock horror! They really need to get a grip.

Saj1988 · 05/04/2017 17:55

Having recently left primary school teaching from a senior leadership position, I can assure you that in most cases this situation would have been met with greater understanding than you experienced. If a child suffers a serious injury and requires immediate medical attention, then an ambulance should be called and it would be necessary for a named adult to be present as quickly as possible. In the circumstances you describe, whilst a visit to the doctor would be advised it does not sound like an emergency. Head/nose injuries are tricky things however and it is likely that the staff did not feel confident in looking after your child particularly as the treatment that schools are allowed to administer is very limited.

GrainOfSalt · 05/04/2017 17:56

I may have missed it but the PP's who have said an ambulance could not be called because of insurance are you in the UK?

I called an ambulance when a student had an epileptic fit in the classroom at the top of the tower block of the college I worked in. The paramedics arrived before the college first aider. No one suggested I shouldn't have called an ambulance and it turned out it was the right call to make as the student needed hospital care

Swappedatbirth · 05/04/2017 18:06

She sounds like a bit of a loon, calling your husband was indeed outrageous but I would totally ignore it. She will have plenty of 'form' with other parents and you'll never reason with a nut. Imagine the nightmare scenario of appearing on her radar and getting communication from her on a regular basis. No. Think of the next few years!

TeenageCentaurMortificado · 05/04/2017 18:15

Well my child got injured at school today, a kid accidentally tripped him. He's got a pretty nasty deep (and big) gouge out of the inside of his hand, and deep large grazes and bruises on his hip and side.

Never heard a peep out of school. They whacked a plaster on his hand (although I'm borderline thinking it may need looking at) and they've filled in an incident slip, that I haven't seen as he's left it at school.

He is most indignant that this near fatal wounding incident was marked down as 'bump' Grin

I asked if he was ok, checked him over then rolled my eyes.

School quick to send 50 million texts every week complaining about parking and asking for money every 5 seconds... but not a peep for this.

EllenMP · 05/04/2017 18:18

What a presumptuous and interfering head. I'm sorry you felt (and were!) judged by someone who does not know your family. You should point out that your child should be safe enough at school not to need you to rush to pick him/her up...

lynney88 · 05/04/2017 18:18

What a numpty of a Headmistress! How did she even get the position? The headmistress at my school is also a loon. All quiet spoken and wearing sandals! Neither professional nor demanding respect from students or parents. No wonder education is failing.

My ds's school called because his cheeks red so can I come check him over? Ok will be there asap, he was back to normal when I got there-he had just finished PE!!!!

TeenageCentaurMortificado · 05/04/2017 18:18

^^that wasn't a complaint btw. He's sore but not in any way incapable of being at school

BunsyGirl · 05/04/2017 18:19

So glad that my kids go to an independent school with a full time nurse. If they are ill, the nurse assesses them, gives them Calpol if necessary, let's them have a lie down in the sick room etc then she calls me to let me know what is going on. No major panic or rush for me to get there and pick them up.

CountryCaterpillar · 05/04/2017 18:29

That's one of the perks of independents. As well as flexible pick up time presumably.

State schools are having to cut budgets and lose core teachers :(

pollymere · 05/04/2017 18:39

We have to list an emergency contact at my dd school. I have several who work very locally and could cover this sort of an emergency for me. Otherwise I'm half an hour away. I once had the school ring me to let me know my daughter had no lunch. I got the call at 1230. I explained that by the time I got there lunch would be over and asked if they could cover it instead...they managed without me and haven't asked since!

Mulledwine1 · 05/04/2017 18:42

Trying to have someone close by to help out in a bit of an emergency is sort of similar to making sure your kid has their PE kit. Normal, basic stuff

Are you being goady or are you actually serious? So now we should not only have children if we are well off and don't need to work. but now we can only have them if we have lots of family and friends who are around and available to help too?

Original poster
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 05/04/2017 18:50

Just an update. Took DS to wrap around this morning (sorry to the self righteous who think I'm a bad parent and not there for dumping my child with a qualified childcare professional) apparently they were expecting black eyes/huge lump in head the way it was described to them rather than a minute scratch! They said hm is well known for this sort of thing! Apparently she's had a go at some of the staff in the wrap around/nursery who due to staff ratios couldn't leave immediately and these people were actually working on site. So it appears either give up work and stand at school gates all day or decide the woman is somewhat lacking! I love the suggestion I make friends with a random on my one pick up a week purely on the basis they don't work!

OP posts:
Mulledwine1 · 05/04/2017 18:51

I feel sorry for kids these days who have no one who can get there. I love being there for my ds

Even if you are a SAHP you can't always be available. You must go out sometimes. Or do you stay glued to your house while he is at school? Oh well, if you do, fair enough.

But I think most SAHPs have to go out occasionally.

This nonsense about having to be available is also why so many people use their mobile phones in cars, because they always have to be contactable.

user1475439961 · 05/04/2017 18:55

I understand that it's hard to get out of work quickly for your child. I've seen the other side too, where very poorly children have waited hours for parents to come & collect them from school (obviously not the same as this case). It's a hard situation to be in.