Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL has been here 60mins...

279 replies

whatatod0 · 04/04/2017 15:27

Oh god. parents-in-law have been here 1 hour into a 7 day visit. They are already annoying me.
MIL likes to help/take over my kitchen and she doesn't listen when I tell her to go and sit down (nicely). If I give her a job to do she just gets in my way and takes forever to do it.
I want to run away for the week.

OP posts:
Elanetical · 04/04/2017 16:00

If it helps for balance, it's my FIL who drives me insane, my MIL is lovely. They visit for a week at a time a few times a year and I usually make it to day two before I start hiding at every available opportunity!

taraboomdeyay · 04/04/2017 16:03

7 days is insane. 7 hours would send me round the bend with MIL, who can't fit in with our routine and just tries to impose her own over ours. I have told her I don't share the kitchen and that's that. Like others the talking is a problem and I plan to say that its ok to be quiet. Its not my job to entertain her and if she's bored she has to amuse herself. So far this year she hasn't visited Grin

MadisonAvenue · 04/04/2017 16:09

Not sure if it's the same with other MILs but mine just invites herself to stay. She just says that she'll be here on such and such a date.
It's not because she doesn't see us, we regularly visit (without staying overnight).

Ecureuil · 04/04/2017 16:12

ExConstance if it's any consolation we are currently staying with MIL and FIL for a week by choice, as they're lovely. We're coming back for 2 weeks in June (they live abroad). They've plied us with good food and wine and are babysitting tonight while we go out.

nokidshere · 04/04/2017 16:14

Why don't you share the kitchen Tara?

I don't get all this hysteria over "stuff" - anyone coming to my house is quite welcome to iron, cook, clean, let me have a lie in.... both my mum and MIL like to have things to do so I can take a breather.

VladmirsPoutine · 04/04/2017 16:15

I hope my sons dont marry women like you.

A million times this!

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2017 16:15

So far this year she hasn't visited

I'm not surprised! Confused

SheSaidHeSaid · 04/04/2017 16:17

She sounds like my MIL, lovely but too helpful/interfering to the point where her help is actually the opposite... so you have my sympathy!

MadisonAvenue · 04/04/2017 16:18

So far this year she hasn't visited

Tara you do realise you've now tempted fate...?

abbsisspartacus · 04/04/2017 16:19

Its okay to offer help in other people's house but when they say no sit down FUCKS SAKE take them at their word

chocatoo · 04/04/2017 16:20

Mine drives me nuts and I'm sure I drive her nuts too but we both get on because I love her son and my daughter. I know that she would always be there for us and ditto. She's the only MIL I have and as the years have passed I think we have become closer and closer. I hope I will be a good MIL one day!

BarbarianMum · 04/04/2017 16:22

She's genuinely lovely but you can't manage an hour without bitching about her Hmm

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/04/2017 16:26

I love my MIL.
I'm a very lucky person

averythinline · 04/04/2017 16:30

Where's your Dh in all of this? What has he got planned for her...
..In some respects I'm lucky Mil won't visit us as we live in London and she doesn't like it....Dh sometimes goes to see her himself ..Once a term approx we all go for one night max....She doesn't like anyone in her kitchen so we sit in the front room on our own then she comes in and turns the TV on....
Does your dd like a timetable? Maybe make one for the week all together... Including time apart/peace.....What she needs i would focus on that....

taraboomdeyay · 04/04/2017 16:34

nokids I don't share the kitchen with MIL because she would interfere at every stage and I would get nothing done standing around explaining things to her. She doesn't let me in her kitchen either so we have a working arrangement that suits us. She does go in our kitchen to get something specific if she wants it but as far as meals go I need her to be out.

I clear out the bathroom of any personal stuff before she comes since she used to love a good rummage in there. Luckily she has never shown any tendency to come near our bedroom.

I'm one of those DILs who only know MIL because I'm married to her son. Aside from him we have zero in common.

MycatsaPirate · 04/04/2017 16:38

I don't think it's because she's a MIL as much as the OP has another woman in the house trying to take over her kitchen and chatting away more than a five year with serious haribo habit.

I couldn't cope with anyone coming to stay here - no matter who it was. I love my sisters dearly but we are all adults and there's some truth in the old adage that you can only have one woman in the kitchen.

We get set in our ways, want to just get on and do stuff and someone faffing about getting under our feet (yes dp I do mean you!) is bloody annoying.

So give the op a break, she'd probably feel the same if it was anyone staying and wrecking the daily routine.

floraeasy · 04/04/2017 16:39

Well, my story goes:-

I was thrilled to have a MIL. My mother is on a different continent.

I redecorated a spare room which is "hers" alone. She left clothes and stuff in the room to save her carting it up every time. I was absolutely fine with this as it made sense.

Bought all the foods and drink she likes.

Planned lots of outings and trips to keep her amused (she loves getting out and about).

Never let her pay for anything (she's an OAP on a very tight budget).

Paid for her flights and travel.

Watched TV programmes I didn't like because she didn't want to miss them.

Listened to her stories which got more familiar as the years passed and they were repeated.

Even thought about asking her to live with us (we had the room) when she mentioned she got lonely living alone at times.

Made sure DH remembered mother's day and her birthday and we got her something nice.

She wanted to bring a relative of her up a couple of times so they could enjoy their holiday together. Again, I was absolutely fine with this. I loved her relative.

But I wondered why I'd bothered when the passive-aggressive jabs and snidey remarks started whenever DH wasn't in the room to witness them. I've got no idea what the problem was or what I was supposed to have done to deserve being spoken to like that in my own home.

It will forever remain a mystery, I suppose.

cordeliavorkosigan · 04/04/2017 16:42

my PIL stayed for a month, twice - it's a long haul flight and I am glad that they want to see the DCs.. and I work so it's not full days every day... and they cook and help out...
BUT. but but but. I find it quite tiring especially if what (or when!) they cook doesn't suit the DCs or my own timing, like if they make a lovely meal but it's 10pm by the time it's ready, I either eat with the DC or eat twice / cook twice. And we don't actually have much we all have in common so it's a bit hard to make a month of evening conversation (!) Also some of their attitudes are not palatable to me / in the UK and I need to watch a bit in case DC pick up phrases or ideas that I have to discuss/undo (or else they may go to school and repeat and I might have to crawl under a rock and never show my face again).
anyway blah blah blah ... my point is: at least it's not a month..?

Pottedplants · 04/04/2017 16:50

Seven days is quite a long time. I wonder if you can organise day trips for her so the days won't see so long. Take her out for a couple of lunches and dinners. In between, if she offers to help (and she is probably offering because she feels she should as a guest in your home), you could ask her to do specific things like help bath your children if they are young,, read to them, or if they are old enough ask your children to go for a walk with her, show her where they go to school, watch them swimming etc.

If none of these work, ask her to help you dust, fold laundry etc. Your DH needs to get involved too, go to a play/cinema etc.

Pottedplants · 04/04/2017 16:58

I should add that I know how hard MILs can be. My MIL talks 'at' me constantly and repeats the same stories every time I see her. She also likes to repeat lectures she attends WORD BY WORD and they are usually about things I have little or no interest in and the entire dinnertime is monopolised by her repeating it. She is exhausting.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 04/04/2017 16:59

I hope my sons dont marry women like you.

Well I won't be turning up to stay in their house for 7 days. Any DIL (who I am yet to meet and may well be lovely) would drive me up the wall in that time.

Vegansnake · 04/04/2017 17:07

I'd love mine to come for a week..fat chance,her daughters both have kids so we are bottom of the pile for visits sadly

oldwife · 04/04/2017 17:09

i like my MIL (and my ex MIL), I like my DM and most of my family.

However I would hate to have to stay in their home for more than one night. I like my own space. If I couldn't afford a nearby hotel/b&b I just wouldn't visit.

Ditto for having houseguests here - one night max please, that's quite enough.

Cherrysoup · 04/04/2017 17:12

There are always comments re book a hotel. I would love to know how you propose this without causing horrendous offence and a massive fall out!

oldwife · 04/04/2017 17:18

Which way around Cherry

As a potential guest I would do as I liked. I am due to visit my father in USA at some point soon and will NOT be staying in their home. He keeps harping on about how large it is etc - however I don't feel comfortable in that environment (plus they have a lot of animals which is a definite turn off for me).

The last time he visited here I paid for their hotel. It was worth it to me. Our house isn't tiny, but we don't have that much space or bathrooms.