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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp going on about dd eating chocolate then he eats 5 doughnuts!

100 replies

babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 13:21

Been with my dp 10 yrs& our dd is 8& a half.
She loves her chocolate just like her mum!Smile

We all used to eat bit too much of it so have cut it down now to just on a Saturday night.
Dp has been going on about how much dd eats for ages&also goes on about her weight NOT to her i should say but to me.though I did find out bk last yr he was actually weighing her behind my back which I was not happy about at all&told him so!
He doesn't however stop her from eating biscuits or buying her chocolate spread to go on her toast for breakfast or chocolate cereal!
Anyway this last Saturday I bought myself&dd our treats one pack of chocolate each asked if dp wanted any to which he replied no.so I left it at that finished shopping went home.
Fast forward to the evening dd brought our choc in ready.the next thing I knew dp was walking in with a 5pk of jam doughnuts&ate the lot!
I couldn't believe it&told him so!
Aibu that he can't go on about how much chocolate dd eats&then turns round&does that??
To me it's a do as I say not do as I do attitude!
He's a very fussy eater&seems to have a thing about weight somehow.he's very skinny.I'm 5ft& a bit plump but my bmi is within normal range.dd has my family's build but my dps height.he's 6ft.

OP posts:
KatieKaboom · 04/04/2017 21:52

I would not be happy.

Nothing wrong with a bit of choc. Five doughnuts in one pop is downright repulsive.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 21:55

I don't know if she wanted to or not.he just came out with it one day that he'd been weighing her& that in his view she was overweight! Evidently he'd done it a few times when I wasn't there.i knew nothing about it&was angry about it!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/04/2017 22:00

Ok well I still don't understand why you're angry that he simply weighed his DD (perfectly normal thing to do) and why you see it as 'behind your back', or why (if she was unhappy about it) your DD didn't mention it to you.

Either way, YWNBU to have a word with him about the gluttony in front of her.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 07:22

I felt& still feel that he shouldn't have weighed her without my knowledge!I don't think there was any need for it.
DD doesn't talk about things very much.so wouldn't necessarily say whether she was happy or unhappy about it.I'm not sure how/which way he did it but hed been doing it a few times over a couple of weeks or more before he actually told me!why hide it?why not just tell me or discuss it with me first rather than do it when he knows I'm out& then not tell me till weeks down the line?if we had discussed it i might well have been OK with it.its the way he went about it!
I haven't spoken to him properly about the doughnuts.only what i said to him at the time. As I say he's difficult to talk to about anything serious/substantial as he gets straight on the defensive& throws it bk on me doesn't listen shouts/raises his voice talks over me.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 05/04/2017 07:26

OP did I misread or in your OP did you say "I bought dd a pack of donuts each for me and dd and asked dh if he wanted a pack"??

Five donuts for you and five donuts for her and you wanted to know if dh wanted 5 too?

Tinkerbec · 05/04/2017 07:42

Yes, I am. It's been mentioned on enough on the other ten thousand overweight child threads on MN by now.

Do you have any research articles on this? I am intrigued.

Go Gregor Mendel

llangennith · 05/04/2017 07:48

Regardless of whether or not anyone is overweight, it sounds like all your family need to change your eating habits and adopt a healthier attitude towards food.
Stop making your chocolate treats such a big deal. No need to have cakes, biscuits or chocolate in the house. Make your weekly junk food treat a trip out to a nice cafe for cake or chocolate.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 07:56

Yes Nap you mis read it.dd& I had the next size up from small bag of chocolate each.dp was the only one having doughnuts.
Llan we would still be eating the chocolate though!Hmm

OP posts:
llangennith · 05/04/2017 09:11

Grin yes but it would fix the idea that it's a real treat and as it's not in the house it's not 'normal' food.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 05/04/2017 09:20

To me it's a do as I say not do as I do attitude!

Of course it is, it's called parenting. They are supposed to do as you say and absolutely not as you do.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 09:26

That's true Ding, but eating 5 doughnuts in front of the child you're trying to discourage from eating too much shit, is just irresponsible.

Kids are having the healthy eating/exercise message drummed into them left right and center these days.

Yet, most of them will be looking around at overweight, unhealthy parents/teachers/nurses/doctors and thinking "Yeah okey dokey then..."

Naicehamshop · 05/04/2017 09:37

The weighing is a worrying thing to do. It sounds as if he is making her feel that her weight is a problem - this could very easily cause her to have issues about her weight as she gets older.

He sounds like a complete idiot on this to be honest - and as for eating 5 doughnuts one after the other... ! Does he have so little understanding of diet that he doesn't realise how bad this is for him? The fact that he isn't overweight doesn't mean that he isn't creating health problems for himself with this kind of eating (diabetes, heart conditions etc.)

Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 13:52

Yes I do see what you mean Llan Smile
Yes Worrall exactly& I was one of them when I was big at secondary as I said when I was 11.I was supposed to see the school nurse on a regular basis about my diet nutrition etc.bearing in mind this was in the days when everything was cooked from scratch was all fresh home baked food like stews stuffed marrow liver&onions etc all things which I still love!I always ate all the veg& fruit as I do now!
The first time I went to the nurse I couldn't help but laugh to myself as she was as round as she was high!she was FAR bigger than I've ever been!I told my mum who went to see the head.I never really saw the nurse again after that!so hypocritical!
Exactly Naice!that's what I've said before that skinny doesn't mean healthy!skinny people can still have heart attacks etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 13:55

I'm also glad Naice that I'm not the only one who thinks him weighing her behind my back is not on!

OP posts:
phoenixtherabbit · 05/04/2017 14:05

He's a grown arse man he can eat what he likes. Your dad is a child and cannot (rightly so) he clearly cares about her.

5 donuts, one time is not going to kill him, and unless he made your dad watch I wouldn't give a shiny shit!

phoenixtherabbit · 05/04/2017 14:05

Your dd not dad!

Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 14:25

He was sat right next to her& she was asking him for one! So yes she was watching him!

OP posts:
phoenixtherabbit · 05/04/2017 14:47

Was she also eating a treat though?

VestalVirgin · 05/04/2017 15:01

The weighing is a worrying thing to do. It sounds as if he is making her feel that her weight is a problem - this could very easily cause her to have issues about her weight as she gets older.

This.

He is body-shaming an 8 year old. This is just not on.

And he does this while encouraging unhealthy eating habits like sugary cereals for breakfast, i.e. as meal.

This is very worrying indeed.

Parents should model healthy eating habits to their children and not mention the children's looks - not give them high-caloric foodstuffs as meal and then body-shame them!

HookandSwan · 05/04/2017 15:06

I'm a nanny and I eat all sorts of things I shouldn't. But I still feed my charges healthy food and limit their sugar intake etc.

He's an adult she's a child..

Naicehamshop · 05/04/2017 15:44

Exactly what VestalVirgin said.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 15:51

Yes Phoenix as I've said previously she had her bag of chocolate as did I.
Vestal he isn't actually telling her she's fat well not in my ear shot anyway.I just don't understand him weighing her& doing it behind my back!
I had little chat with her this morning about once Easter is over,cutting out the biscuits through the week& if we fancy one or 2 to have them in a wkend.choc too though we are doing this anyway.I said won't be just her but all of us,daddy included.she said if daddy's not doing it I'm not!so I've GOT to get him fully on board with it!
By the way he seems to thinks biscuits aren't as bad as chocolate!Hmm

OP posts:
amusedbush · 05/04/2017 19:07

I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder in 2009. Five doughnuts in one sitting is a fraction of what I'd put away during a real binge Blush

However, my mum was overweight and so terrified of us getting fat (which we both did), she'd severely limit our food and she took me to a weight loss club when I was 12 (not my brother though Hmm). She had bags of treats that we weren't allowed to touch, secret stashes of biscuits and I'd find containers from the Chinese takeaway that she'd scoffed while we were in bed. She created this huge taboo around treats so I just ended up stealing food or using my pocket money to buy sweets in secret.

Your DH needs to stop making such a big deal about her weight and sugar intake. She is at the prime age for getting a complex about it. I have nearly two decades on you DD and I still struggle with the urge to binge on an hourly basis - no exaggeration. It's fucking miserable.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 05/04/2017 19:19

I'm sorry to hear that Amused.my eldest dd went through a similar thing.she wasn't fat far from it& was never told she was.she wasn't restricted on any foods really&has always had more of a savoury tooth than a a sweet one.
It is fucking horrible&I felt terrible because I knew nothing about it till it had been going on for a while.
That was in her teens&she's very happily married now with kids of her own.

OP posts:
Klaphat · 05/04/2017 19:21

Do you have any research articles on this? I am intrigued.

Given that I'm sure you're able to Google if you want more, and it seems to be so widely observed as to be something that wouldn't necessarily be worthy of an actual paper:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3391219

'It is well known that fat children tend to be taller than their peers and to present a slight acceleration of skeletal and pubertal maturation.'