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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over my son's birthday party?

115 replies

LongLiveTheChief · 03/04/2017 22:35

So I sent invitations out to everyone in my son's class for his 5th birthday party. 11-2pm with superhero fancy dress. Obviously there will be food etc and I wrote on there that parents were welcome to leave their child and collect later if they wanted too.

Invitations went to the whole class as we've hired a big hall and bouncy castle so thought it was easier than trying to ask a 5 year old who his friends are as they seems to change every day.

Today in the playground I hear 3/4 mothers having a bit of a moan about the party. It's too long for their age, 3 hours, it's a Sunday and over lunch time.

AIBU to think maybe it would have been nice for them to have talked about this away from the school playground? They don't know who I am as I tend to keep myself to myself, I'm not in any cliques so overhearing this was a little hurtful. After all, my son would probably love their child to come and it would be costing us a couple of £ per child to feed and entertain for 3 hours.

I felt like saying something but I felt quite upset so didn't want it to come out wrong. I'm very sensitive person who suffers very badly with social anxiety but I just can't stop thinking about what they said and now I feel quite sad.

None of them have now text to say their child can't come but I'm pretty sure they won't be turning up!

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
ComeOnSpring · 04/04/2017 07:40

Please don't take it personally OP.

Everyone winges about parties whatever time as deep down its every adults doesn't really enjoy a room with loads of screaming kids. If it was 5 minutes and the extra day in february in a leap year, people would still moan..
However, the children absolutely Love it. You will see the looks on their faces and realise that is why you are doing it. not for the adults - sod them ;)
Just style it out. Have the party this year see how stressful you find it and if too bad fine another option next year..

5moreminutes · 04/04/2017 08:02

My 5 (nearly 6) year old was at a 5 and a half hour birthday party last Sunday - 11:00 to 15:30! I did think the parents must be a bit insane, but didn't worry about the kids coping, just the parents! There were 10 kids not a whole class though...

I am always surprised how many MN posters have social anxiety though - is it a bit of a selection bias because its attractive to chat to people on an anonymous forum if you are socially anxious, or do huge swathes of the population have this but you'd never know?

Normally I'd say communicating with other parents gets around all of these problems - including ringing 'round to see who's coming... 5 year olds do know who their friends are (whole class parties aren't a thing here and it is easier to keep a handle on who is who and who is coming and to talk directly to 5-10 kids and their parents than a whole anonymous class of them). Obviously the anxiety is why people don't or can't do this, so it all snowballs a bit I guess...

5moreminutes · 04/04/2017 08:04

Whether parents stay or not seems to be a local thing - I've got 3 kids and my youngest is almost finished with being 5, and my kids have all been to their fair share of parties, and parents never stay at 5 year olds parties here, unless there is a special circumstance.

TeenAndTween · 04/04/2017 08:05

As a parent I would have stayed at that age. Especially if I don't know you as I don't know what your level of supervision would be like.

I would be wondering when I myself was going to get lunch, since before 11 is too early, by 2pm I'd be ravenous, and it would be rude for me to bring sandwiches.

I would also be thinking that 3 hours was too long. Personally I've seen too many 2hr parties descend into chaos for the last 30 mins as it is.

We also wouldn't have had a superhero costume, but I'd have made a face mask and cobbled together a cape.

I think it will be fine, people may have a quiet (or not so quiet) moan, but they won't want their DC to miss out.

How the hell are you going to keep 20-30 children entertained for 3 hours though?? You are a braver person than I am!

Applebite · 04/04/2017 08:07

I have no experience with kids' parties but just wanted to say that I think you sound to be an amazing mum who has put so much thought into this - your DS is very lucky Flowers and also Gin for the party

GloriousGoosebumps · 04/04/2017 08:08

The moaning mums are being a bit ott but it might be that these are their first children. We always had parties that were around 2 - 2 1/2 hours long simply because I couldn't bear the thought of entertaining large groups of children for any longer, however, I found that by the time the entertainer had done his bit and the kids had eaten the birthday lunch and had a bit of a run around and then queued up for party bags and goodbyes that we were well past the 2 1/2 hours time estimate. By which time I was silently wishing them all gone but kids simply won't go home after parties! As for complaining that the party is over lunch time, they're obviously just looking for things to complain about!

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/04/2017 08:13

3 hours is too long for the children. Parents at this age will be expected to stay. And they will be HUNGRY.

2 hours for an adult with no food is doable. But 11-2 is slap bang over the parents meal time. I usually did parties over teatime 3-5 or 4-6 because the parents weren't so hungry. I also fed the parent. Parties I've been to where the parents have been catered for: cakes, cheese and biscuits, cookies, samosas etc.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/04/2017 08:15

They were having a conversation amongst themselves as friends, surely you do that too with yours?

Three hours plus fancy dress is a tad OTT and would draw comments from people. Parties are usually two hours max and kids get to wear what they like.

For some, it's gong to be an expensive event if they have to buy a costume and a gift.

Casschops · 04/04/2017 08:22

They should be grateful that you are willing to feed and entertain their child. They should just not come instead of whining about it. I hate cliques you do well to steer clear. You'll never please everyone so please yourself and birthday boy. If you want a three hour party over lunch time on a Sunday have one and sod them.

Heirhelp · 04/04/2017 08:28

My DD is just a baby but is buying a costume for birthday parties the done thing?

CactusFred · 04/04/2017 08:29

How rude of them! Confused

I would agreed that 3 hours is too long and two would suffice especially at 5 they probably won't leave the child and go. However the lunch time thing is fine and is what I prefer!

If I were a parent of an invited child and thought it too long I'd leave early anyway with a polite 'somewhere else to be, thanks for a good time'!

Happyandhungry · 04/04/2017 08:29

Ugh I am so not looking forward to my child being school age. Unfortunately these types of playground mums will probably end up grating on me so much with their bad attitudes and bitching that I'll end up saying something offensive. We all know the types, dolled up for the school run, badly parking their white range rover and then spending 30 minutes bitching to other similar mums before picking up their children who will probably be fawned over at the school gates then ignored when they get home as the mum needs to group message on whatsapp about this terrible party their 5 year old has been invited to Hmm ok rant over but seriously OP just ignore these losers.

KitKats28 · 04/04/2017 08:35

Avioleta surely you would just decline the invitation then if a party didn't fulfill so many of your criteria.

I don't get the number of people on this thread who are decreeing a party should be two hours. It's up to the party-giver to decide the format of the party, and the invitees to decide if they want to go. Its bonkers to expect a host to change their party to fit in with your requirements.

JustSpeakSense · 04/04/2017 08:44

At that age I would've stayed with my DC at a party.

As long as you are feeding everyone it doesn't matter that it's over lunchtime.

Many kids that age have superhero outfits or similar fancy dress at home, they'll love that!

MidniteScribbler · 04/04/2017 08:46

OP, I hope you're planning food for the parents as well if you have scheduled a party over lunchtime.

ittakes2 · 04/04/2017 08:51

I used to work in events marketing so go totally overboard with my kids parties - had 45 children for my twins 5th birthday for two hours. Since then their parties have usually been at least three hours long - but would really recommend against it for your own sanity! Super excited screaming 4-5 year olds high on sugar is going to be mega stressful for you despite having entertainers!
I'd reissue the invite and make it 11am to 1pm and if you didn't already put an RSVP date on it.
I'm sorry you have overheard these mums in the playground - understandably it must have made you feel awful. It was pretty silly of them to talk about it at school especially if they didn't know who you are! But try and remember it's normal for parents to comment on things and it's not a reflection on you. At the end of the day, I bet you are keen to help your son settle into school and make friends - even though these mums were in the wrong - if you feel awkward around them -they will feel awkward around you, so for your sons sake I would forget about it and try and stay being friendly to other parents.
Unfort this is the first of many times as a parent you are going to have let go your feelings in order to keep the peace at the school gate!

GoodDayToYou · 04/04/2017 08:59

I would be pleased to get any party invitation. Parties are joyful celebrations, full of life and colour! What's not to like?! Let people moan if they want to - it says all you need to know about them.

Craiconwithit · 04/04/2017 09:01

They weren't playground mafia, Hmm just ordinary mum's having a moan about a birthday party being scheduled over a Sunday lunchtime, and I don't really blame them.
I'd never schedule a whole class party on a Sunday, and especially not at that time as that's a family day for most people.
I think you're being far too sensitive and making this about your own insecurities instead of thinking about it from a purely practical viewpoint.
If it's any consolation, it's much easier in a couple of years when you can just invite a couple of their friends to tea/cinema trip.

diddl · 04/04/2017 09:02

Probably a pita if you think that you need to stay with your kid.

We don't do a "Sunday Roast", but our main meal is at lunch, so I'd be wanting to drop off & hope that child came back well fedGrin

Crumbs1 · 04/04/2017 09:03

Three hours with 30 children and a bouncy castle is potentially disastrous.....unless you have structured activities in addition, lots of adults tasked with policing/first aid/ catering and organising games. Is the bouncy castle on grass outdoors? What will others do when not on bouncy castle? Thirty children can't all go on bouncy castle safely at same time.

I'd modify slightly- adult sandwiches and tea too (even ask one of those mums to help do this), deflate bouncy castle during meal time and have sit down lunch. Have balls, dressing up box other toys for free play. Organise 3/4 hour party games - sleeping lions, musical statues, jumping vegetables etc Maybe something arty too - paper plate masks (get an adult to help). As a group of parents we always felt parties for little ones were a bit of a group responsibility- everyone mucked in willingly knowing you'd have help when your turn to host came around.

GoodDayToYou · 04/04/2017 09:04

I can see that the costume thing could be annoying and costly to some people.

AppleOfMyEye10 · 04/04/2017 09:07

I think they were just having a moan and you happened to overhear. But it wasn't something really nasty. For me the time wouldn't be a problem as I could leave earlier.

I would however not be so keen due to the costume and it being a Sunday. We usually do family stuff on a Sunday as we usually keep all 'admin' stuff for Saturday's.

MrsBobDylan · 04/04/2017 09:09

Crikey op, I would hate to come across mums having a thing about a party not fitting their expected social requirements . I can't understand why some posters seem to think you should feel ok about it. Those Mum's 'just having a moan' need to get a grip.

Lots of parties here happen on Sundays. Most are 2 hours but the parents can choose to drop an hour off the start or end if they feel it will be too taxing for them.

Keep going as your are op, it's lovely you've organised the party, my kids would be delighted to have been invited.

LizzieMacQueen · 04/04/2017 09:14

Is it Easter Sunday? Could that be the issue?

MaroonPencil · 04/04/2017 09:15

I made the mistake of hosting a three hour party when DS1 was four, at our house! It is way too long and no doubt more experienced parents thought so, although I too would have been upset to hear them say so beforehand. I went to a very similar party to yours when DS2 was in reception, whole class, hall, no structure - and I have to admit it was chaos and I moaned about it to DH. I did have a hangover though which didn't help.

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