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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over my son's birthday party?

115 replies

LongLiveTheChief · 03/04/2017 22:35

So I sent invitations out to everyone in my son's class for his 5th birthday party. 11-2pm with superhero fancy dress. Obviously there will be food etc and I wrote on there that parents were welcome to leave their child and collect later if they wanted too.

Invitations went to the whole class as we've hired a big hall and bouncy castle so thought it was easier than trying to ask a 5 year old who his friends are as they seems to change every day.

Today in the playground I hear 3/4 mothers having a bit of a moan about the party. It's too long for their age, 3 hours, it's a Sunday and over lunch time.

AIBU to think maybe it would have been nice for them to have talked about this away from the school playground? They don't know who I am as I tend to keep myself to myself, I'm not in any cliques so overhearing this was a little hurtful. After all, my son would probably love their child to come and it would be costing us a couple of £ per child to feed and entertain for 3 hours.

I felt like saying something but I felt quite upset so didn't want it to come out wrong. I'm very sensitive person who suffers very badly with social anxiety but I just can't stop thinking about what they said and now I feel quite sad.

None of them have now text to say their child can't come but I'm pretty sure they won't be turning up!

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 03/04/2017 23:18

3 hours is way too long. It'll be chaos. Change it to 2 hours. How are you planning on entertaining them for that long?

Yes they should be grateful for the invitation but in my neck of the woods all parties are class parties so no one is getting "free" childcare, everyone takes a turn hosting.

Funnyfarmer · 03/04/2017 23:22

Invertations are out. She cant change it now! If the moaner's think it too long they can arrive late or leave early.

DoJo · 03/04/2017 23:25

I just had a 2 hour long party for my 5 year (11-1 so including lunch) and it flew by so quickly I wished we had gone for 3 hours instead. The kids loved it and didn't want to leave and any Parents who wanted to drop and go were welcome to.

smellyboot · 03/04/2017 23:29

Miles better to be over a meal time than a random feast of party food at 11am or 3pm. Id love 3 hour party and enough time for me to come in for a bit but also nip off and do some jobs. Why do they think they have to stay?

Crashbangwhatausername · 03/04/2017 23:31

I wouldn't host a three hour one but I'd be very happy to take dc to one, they sound like bitches though, they'll probably turn up with the whole family in tow to make a point

smellyboot · 03/04/2017 23:32

I also think its great as it won't matter if people do have to arrive a bit late or leave a bit early. No one is forcing them to go and you made it clear they dont have to stay either.
Ignore them and enjoy the day

NeverNic · 03/04/2017 23:39

I have a reception aged son. Personally I don't have any issues with the time of day. Like pp, I prefer a party over a meal time as it's easier that way. Maybe the length is a little long. Most invites we've had are for 2/2.30 hours, but it's not something I personally would comment on and my son certainly wouldn't be 'too worn out' from a party of that length. I feel that you say yes to an invite if it's convenient and your child wants to go, and no if not, so I don't think yabu to feel upset. However in the grand scheme of things it is just a party, and if it's not affecting responses, then I wouldn't worry. More than likely it's a general playground moan, with nothing malicious intended.

I think the problem here is more to do with the fact you don't really know them, and understandably you are feeling a little insecure around them and additionally sensitive to how well the party goes.

BackforGood · 03/04/2017 23:41

Don't take it personally.
I do agree with them - that's an awfully long time for you to keep (potentially) 30 x 4 and 5 yr olds happy and entertained. If they feel obliged to stay (I know you said they didn't need to but some parents aren't ready to leave their 4 yr olds with a stranger), then it is a long time for them to be sitting there / taking out of their weekend, especially if they work during the week. By starting at 11 and ending at 2, it also means it rules out both the morning and afternoon activities / things people might normally do - maybe go to Church, maybe take a sibling to their sports matches, etc.
Obviously people can say no, but then they get the parent guilt of 'depriving' their child of a party.
It's not having a go at you it's just a 'general moan to a mate' about how they are going to work things this weekend.

TheRealPooTroll · 03/04/2017 23:46

The parties we've been to have all been between 1.5 - 3 hrs and I've never felt any have been too long. The kids never want to leave! The only time I'd say it was maybe a bit much would be if the kids were very young and still napping but I doubt that will be the case with reception kids.
With a bouncy castle food, balloons to bat around, friends to play with, music to dance to and maybe a few party games 3 hrs will fly by.
The mums who were moaning have dropped a bollock to be doing it loudly if they didn't know you and that you were there. I hope they remember you being present for the conversation when they 'meet' you at the party and spend the whole 3hrs cringing!

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 03/04/2017 23:48

Flowers Try to ignore them. Some people would moan about anything. Sounds lovely to me.

BunnyChickChocolateEgg · 03/04/2017 23:55

I think the length and timing sound fine (there is so much analysis on here - they'll entertain themselves, and the eating will take a while!).

Some people just whine, to feel part of a little clique - but I wouldn't assume the kids aren't coming because of that - they'll probably still be there. Just ignore the daft parents, and focus on your DC having a lovely time with whoever arrives (they tend not to be too fussy which kids are there anyway when they have a bouncy castle etc) :-).

chastenedButStillSmiling · 03/04/2017 23:58

ha ha ha.

My DD is 15 now, so we're beyond this, but she's a late-Nov baby, and the weather's SHIT and the days are SHORT and no-one, like NO-ONE ever refused any of her party invites. Incl the kids who hated her or the parents who hated me. Because in November, the weather's shit and weekends feel oh-so-long. But now, cos the weather's getting better, they're all happy to go to the park. No one EVER moaned about getting an invite to DD's bday. And - TRUST ME - it wasn't cos everyone loved DD.

Have a fab party!

EineKleine · 04/04/2017 00:08

I wouldn't assume they won't come. 11-2 is a long slog with no lunch if you only feed the children, they need to sort out costume and gift... it's a shame you overheard but a bit of a whinge about an extra long party isn't an awful crime. We moan about parent info evenings and reading records too, but we still show up/fill in the reading records.

NightWanderer · 04/04/2017 00:14

I think people will moan about anything, don't worry about it.

It's probably just because it is different to what they usually do. I'm sure it will be a lovely party.

MidniteScribbler · 04/04/2017 00:16

I think you're taking to too personally. They're not complaining about you, but just that a party doesn't suit you. A large percentage of threads on this forum are people complaining about something to do with a wedding, party, function, but it doesn't mean they like the person any less, just that they are questioning their actions.

For me, a party of a lunch time is a pain as you've essentially wasted the whole day. A morning or afternoon would suit me better as then you still get half a day to do other things. That said, I may have a whinge at home, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't come, or that I didn't like you as a person.

SafeToCross · 04/04/2017 00:33

Ah most people are probably thinking great, its over lunch time and it gives us time to go out somewhere ourselves. Don't worry, bitchy people are just trying to convince themselves they are right and popular. I agree that it was probably just one person and the others joining in. Hope he has a great party, the kids will all think its epic.

AllllGooone · 04/04/2017 00:35

Ungrateful bastards if you ask me! 3hr party where a drop and run is allowed? I'd be buying you flowers!

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/04/2017 06:06

Of course not everyone is going to like the time, or duration, or location, or theme, or activities you have chosen. We are all different and some things suit some people while others prefer something different. That is just the way of the world and all that variety of preference ends up creating a colourful culture overall. Don't take it to heart. People tend to whinge about things like this that they don't like more than they comment on things they do, so this doesn't mean everyone dislikes your choices. Just the people you've heard, and even then they're only commenting on the few bits they wish were a bit different. They could have been more discreet, but it's hardly a direct attack on you. You feel the way you feel, so I can't say YABU to be upset. But I will say you'll have a better life if you can avoid taking things like this to heart - why does it matter if a few parents don't find your arrangements ideal? You really don't need to (and can't) please everyone all the time.

skerrywind · 04/04/2017 06:29

with superhero fancy dress.

Sorry but it's this bit that sticks out.

Not all kids have a spare superhero costume in the back of the wardrobe.
Not all parents are able to make one either.

So that means having to buy a superhero costume for a 3 hour party.

Combined with buying a gift that could mean an outlay of £35- £40.

I think it's this issue that is putting people off, not the timing or duration.

Avioleta · 04/04/2017 06:47

It's not you, it's nothing personal but;

  • I wouldn't leave my 5 year old at a party, so despite your offer, I'd have to stay.

  • Which means I'd need to arrange childcare for my other DC as I obviously couldn't bring them.

  • 3 hours is a looong time to make small talk with other parents.

  • The timing would mean we'd have to miss our usual swimming lesson.

  • DC may well be getting a free meal but I would be missing lunch.

  • And most importantly, my DCs don't own a superhero costume. I'd have to shell out for one. I would resent this a bit TBH. Money is tight ATM and while I wouldn't want my DC to miss a party they were looking forward to because it was hassle for me, I would resent spending money on something so inessential. It's a bit thoughtless.

TupperwareTat · 04/04/2017 06:50

3 hours sounds good to me.

MyPerfectCousin · 04/04/2017 07:06

Ok...

  1. 5 is too young for them to want to leave their children, especially with a mum they don't know.

  2. Party over a meal time makes sense. Nothing worse than one that falls 2-4pm or something because you never know when/what to feed them. As a parent, you don't want them to be hungry but neither do you not want them to be able to eat party food.

  3. 3 hours?!! You don't have much experience of a room full of 5 year old, do you? 1.5-2 hours maximum at this age. Prepare yourself for the longest 3 hours of your life.

  4. I've never had superhero fancy dress costumes in the house, so I'd also have to buy one.

The people suggesting the duration isn't an issue and the children will entertain themselves clearly aren't Reception teachers...

BewtySkoolDropowt · 04/04/2017 07:23

When I read your op I thought 'Omg, 3 hours for a 5 year old, that's mad' - but in a 'does she know what she is letting herself in for' way.

Parties should be done on the same basis that gigs work - leave them wanting more, rather than keep it going for as long as possible.

It is long for that age. I would have commented on it too, and would have been OK with you hearing it.

I'm not against longer parties - my kids have had sleepovers and long gaming sessions with friends and meal/Cinema trips as they got older. And clearly some people think the timing is fine. Maybe it depends on the individual children as to whether parents think it's ok or not.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 04/04/2017 07:28

I'm sorry you heard them and I do think it was insensitive and thoughtless to moan about this in the playground. However when I read your post I immediately thought the party was an hour too long. The lunchtime thing I don't get though, I'd be thinking well that's his lunch taken care of.

MrsPringles · 04/04/2017 07:40

Op I think it sounds perfect, my 2yr old can keep up with a 2 hour party so I'm sure at 5 they can cope with 3 hours.

Can I come? Grin

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