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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT want my name on dh's card to HIS mum

81 replies

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 10:47

signing cards this morning, he just put all our names on it - he says it's just a card from our household to his mum. i say it's from him to his mother. my mum wouldn't want his name on a mothers day card to her. who is being reasonable - come & judge oh court of mn

OP posts:

sunnywong · 08/03/2007 10:48

lighten up a bit, flower

well you did ask

bucksmum · 08/03/2007 10:48

we sign cards from both of us for Mothers Day

Cappuccino · 08/03/2007 10:48

you are

Cappuccino · 08/03/2007 10:48

lol at sunny

hillary · 08/03/2007 10:51

My dd's have a Nana's day on mothers day, you can buy cards from supermarkets etc to that effect.

zippitippitoes · 08/03/2007 10:52

I agree with your dh

Songbird · 08/03/2007 10:52

Sorry, but we put both names on ours. I do get my mum a little present that is from me to her though.

paulaplumpbottom · 08/03/2007 10:53

I'd have to go with your DH on this one

fireflyfairy2 · 08/03/2007 10:53

Both names here

My mum helps us both out.

Also MIL has both names on too.

themildmanneredjanitor · 08/03/2007 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bozza · 08/03/2007 10:54

I will be writing both cards to our Mums from all four of us. I will expect DH to supervise DS(6) writing me a card and hold DD's (2) hand with a pen in it and write her name. This last bit I am positive will happen, because my DD is a feisty little girl who knows how things should be done and will sort her Daddy out.

shimmy21 · 08/03/2007 10:54

why wouldn't you want your name on it?

if you have any sort of a civil relationship with your mil surely a name on a card is just a nice gesture.

if you want to make a 'pointed gesture' then that's different...

fennel · 08/03/2007 10:58

I think you're being totally reasonable for a mother's day card. She's not your mother.

tortoiseSHELL · 08/03/2007 11:00

We do both names for both Mums. They've absorbed us into their families, (dh into mine, me into dhs), don't think it's nice to reject them.

ScottishThistle · 08/03/2007 11:02

I wouldn't put my name on a Mother's day card for any Mother but my own tbh but that's just how I feel.

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 11:04

ah, shimmy, that's the point - we pretend to be civil but dh wishes he never had to see her again & she keeps trying to make me into her best friend - if she hears i've done something with my mum she suggests the same thing for the next time we visit!

also, it just neve occurred to me that dh would sign my name without me knowing it - even on a card.

i'm not that bothered, just that in my family it would be seen as really odd if in laws signed for mothers/fathers day, and i just wondered who was the odder - me or dh. i guess that i know now!

OP posts:

Tortington · 08/03/2007 11:05

both of us - and the kids.

she knows what isn't said is this

the card was bought by me - she knows this

the card was written by me

she knows this

she pretends her son has something to do with it

its how it goes.

Tortington · 08/03/2007 11:06

really - your upset becuase he signed you name on a card without you knowing - how utterly bizzarre!

if my dh saw fit to put my name on a card - i trust him enough to know that he would do this appropriatey

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/03/2007 11:08

You are.

Sounds to me like she is really trying to build bridges to you too.

What has she done to piss you off?

Actually - dont answer - im signing off in a minute

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 11:08

in my mind, to sign it implies that you love them & feel as close to them as you do to your own mother - no-one will ever feel like my mum to me excpet my mum. i'm happy to exchange civilities but feel that pretending she's my mum is just fake.

like i said, i'm not that bothered, but was just surprised! do any of you call your mil 'mum' - i call mine by her first name.

OP posts:

Bozza · 08/03/2007 11:10

I call mine by her first name or probably more often Grandma.

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 11:12

vvv - if you're still there. she's fine to talk to, but if you do the wrong thing you cease to have ever existed, so dh NEVER had a natural father or a step sister, although they are both alive & well.

custardo - not upset but just genuinely it never crossed my mind. apparently i've been on mil's card for 15 years now! it would be churlish to remove so i won't - don't intend to deliberatley hurt her. jsut never thought i'd be on s card thanking her for being a great mum to me.

OP posts:

Bozza · 08/03/2007 11:14

I am sorry but LOL at you being on the card for 15 years and not even realising. So your DH has been quietly getting on with it. I do feel there is some middle ground between feeling like she is your Mum and just being civil.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/03/2007 11:15

Maybe she could be a great mum to you?

fennel · 08/03/2007 11:16

Surely there are ways of being civil without having to take on extra relatives in the process? I am civil to DP's mother, but I have quite enough parents of my own already. I have no desire for any extra ones.

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