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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT want my name on dh's card to HIS mum

81 replies

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 10:47

signing cards this morning, he just put all our names on it - he says it's just a card from our household to his mum. i say it's from him to his mother. my mum wouldn't want his name on a mothers day card to her. who is being reasonable - come & judge oh court of mn

OP posts:

SSShakeTheChi · 08/03/2007 11:16

I think rise above it. She can see anyway that he wrote your name and you didn't.

hannahsaunt · 08/03/2007 11:18

I wouldn't be offended but that said Mothers Day is the one time when we send cards to our respective mums signed only by us (and not even the grandchildren).

lilybubble · 08/03/2007 11:18

Yes, think you're being unreasonable. Don't understand why on earth you wouldn't have your name in there?

Both my mum and MIL get 2 cards, one from all 3 of us and one just from my dd.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/03/2007 11:18

Ah...this is where I probably differ from you then...there are no limitations as to how many people I can love, or bond with, in any role.

nogoes · 08/03/2007 11:18

You are being unreasonable.

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 11:20

yeah, willing to be civil & obviously sign all other cards - just never done it for mothers/fathers day - no-one in my family has. me & my sis do something for our mum because she was our 'mummy' and brought us up. otherwise you're just saying congrats on being a mum. i just always saw it as a personal thing, not a general thing. dh just sees it as a card from us to say 'it's mothering sunday - have a card' - which i'm very happy to sign.

i wouldn't expect dd to sign a valentine's day card from me to dh for the same reason, iyswim.

anyway, the deed is done & whatever keeps the peace.

OP posts:

fennel · 08/03/2007 11:20

ah, vvvqv, that's just because you haven't yet met mine or DP's parents

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/03/2007 11:25

LOL, nor you mine My mum is a bit of a mentalist but her heart is golden.

Someone can be motherly towards you without having brought you up, I feel. Either way - you either get on or you dont.

fruitful · 08/03/2007 11:31

Hmm. Well if it was an Easter card or any other card - all our names go in. At the moment dd wants to write them all (new skill).

But for Mothers day? No way. He sends a card to his mum, I send one to my mum. And if I'm lucky he'll organise one for our kids to send to me!

She's a lovely lady. She does a lot for us, we like to see her, we have a good relationship, I'm happy to send her cards for all sorts of things. But she is not my Mum! And the kids don't sign them either (although they'll probably make 'I Love Grandma' cards when I tell them they can't sign my card).

IdrisTheDragon · 08/03/2007 11:33

I don't put my name on Dh's card to his mum and he doesn't put his name on my card to my mum.

And everyone gets on very well with each other .

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 11:35

fruitful that's how i feel, but dh thinks i'm mad. obviously, HE is mad because he doesn't agree with me.

somehow we've never had this discussion before, so i just wanted to know what was 'normal' but it sounds liek we're in a minority (so THEY're all bonkers, obv.)

OP posts:

fairyjay · 08/03/2007 11:35

How funny.

DH and I had words a few days ago because as always I bought the cards and presents, organised the flowers etc., but the Mother's Day card is the one card each year I think he should write. But he only put his name on it!

I was furious - and am still pretty hurt about it.

Next year he can sort out the lot!!

CAMdenPalace1981 · 08/03/2007 11:36

It has never occurred to me and dh not to put both our names and dd's on any cards, mothers day included. Although this year there will just be one for my mother, as MIL died 3 months ago

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 11:38

i am also a tad worried because i frequently fake his signature (and dd's) on cards when they need to go in the post in a rush. so now i am trying to remember what she's had on her card for the pst 15 years - she could be a very confused woman!

OP posts:

sugarplumfairy · 08/03/2007 11:45

We put both our names on as we are both wishing that our mothers have a nice mothers day, that's how I see it.

Lact8 · 08/03/2007 11:48

Well I don't like putting my name on MIL's card for Mothers Day as there is a certain amount of tension between us and I don't think she has a motherly bone in her body but to avoid out and out warfare I'll buy the cards for both sides of the family but I write the ones to my Mum and Nan and he writes the ones to his Mum and Nan. A bit childish I think but can't bring myself to write 'love from....' on a card to her

pooka · 08/03/2007 11:49

I wouldn't sign a mother's day card to my MIL. Nor would I expect dh to sign a card to my mother.

Don't think it's unreasonable. But maybe if my dh was really keen I'd do it to save having an argument.

CAMdenPalace1981 · 08/03/2007 11:55

its only a card

fireflyfairy2 · 08/03/2007 12:08

Oh, do you all sing your own names KAA?

Noooo, I'd never have the time & patience for that!! I buy them, write them, & send them!! Although MIL lives down the road so we visit with hers on the morning on mothers day & we go see my mum that evening. The day is mine!!!!!

I never write "Love from" Just "from" on MIL's..... But not in an obvious way.

BTW< a girl I know does call her MIL mum, or rather "ma" [colloquial dialect I suppose] She doesn't really see her own mum & has adopted her MIL freaky, non???

fireflyfairy2 · 08/03/2007 12:09

That would be sign your own names, not sing, although that would be nice I suppose

2shoes · 08/03/2007 12:11

she is your "mother" in law. If not for her no him so what is wrong with sending her a card with your name on.

beckybrastraps · 08/03/2007 12:17

Well. We must be odd. My card is from me to my mum, dh's card, from him, to his mum. Our dc's card, to me, from them.

ANd yes, I do buy the card for dh to sign, but there you go.

ANd I am always perfectly civil to my MIL. It's just she is dh's mum. We both sign birthday cards.

Now I'm worried she has secretly been horribly offended all these years...

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 15:10

you see, i have a vague memory of her asking why i hadn't signed something & me saying ' it was from dh, not me' - perhaps we have been horribly inconsistent - when he did, he put both names, when i faked his name, i just put his. maybe i have offended her without meaning to (always a bonus) but it genuinely never occurred to me - she never changed my nappies, i don't call her mum.
i shall readjust my brain to accept that his family just see it as a 'you're a mum, have a card' kind of thing, and my family it's more personal. me & dsis also send flowers to our mum, but dh doesn't to his!
oh, you're damned if you do & you're damned if you don't (as MY mum would say )

OP posts:

Bozza · 08/03/2007 15:31

I think it is this faking thing that has made you come unstuck. I never fake DH's name on cards. If I have to write it (and DH even makes a fuss because I make him write Daddy on the kid's birthday cards) then I will write it in my own handwriting.

Original poster

kickassangel · 08/03/2007 15:35

i have the kind of dh who is USELESS at doing cards etc. he is happy for me to fake it for him.

OP posts:

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