to NOT want my name on dh's card to HIS mum

[kickassangel]

signing cards this morning, he just put all our names on it - he says it's just a card from our household to his mum. i say it's from him to his mother. my mum wouldn't want his name on a mothers day card to her. who is being reasonable - come & judge oh court of mn

I always bought cards and signed them from both of us (never the grandchildren though). Usually sorted pressies out too, but always ensured time for both of us to go and see both mums on the day (or day before if DH on shift).

All irrelevant now, as both died 8 years ago.

Also have a friend who made a fuss of her mil, as her own mother had rejected her. Even though she is exmil now, they're still in touch and very close. Would love to have a mother-figure like this woman in my life, she's lovely.

Never EVER send anyting to stepmama on Mothering Sunday, but maybe that's another story.

have to say mothers day is a nightmare. my mum died years ago and I hate having to buy cards for 2 women who are not my mum. but my step mum is always so pleased and MIL was my substitute mum(although I call her mother not mum)

Interesting you should say that 2shoes, I buy cards for both Mothers and usually end up writing them out. I will only organise flowers for my Mum as I think DH should make an effort for his Mum.

My Mum is in her early 80s and I dont know how long she will be with us but the the thought has crossed my mind that when she goes I will not be inclined to buy cards etc for someone who is not my Mum.

I have an OK relationship with my MIL but she has two DD of her own and I never fit in.

Ah now, I'll probably buy both the cards. And shove one in front of dh's nose and hand him a pen. And then address the envelope to his mum and post it for him. But sign it myself? Never! .

I do draw the line at buying my own mother's day card though. I just drop subtle hints (like an email to his work address on the Friday, maybe, saying "oi get me a card from the kids").

I wouldn't mind if dh wanted to write my name on his card to his mother. But it's not something we've ever done, AFAIK (must check with him, actually, maybe he's been doing it for years and I've never noticed). I certainly don't write his name in my mother's card - Mothers' Day is about your own mother, not anyone else's!

Due to the fact that it would be a cold day in hell before DH! sent a card to anyone, I buy the cards I write on the cards and I post the cards....... even now DH1 and I are separated.

Dh and I write our own cards for our own mothers and we're both happy with it.

So, from this household, no, you're not being unreasonable.

Our Mother's day cards are signed for us all (me, Dh and DD). We have great relationships with our parents and each other's parents, so the sentiments are there, regardless of whose mum it actually is.

edam - i suggest you check! I have been blissfully unaware of this until the other morning, and we've been married for 15 years!

kickass, i'm totally with you on this one . i have my own mum to send an m's day card to. strikes me as odd to sign it from you too, tbh......but am sure your dh did it out of habit (most other cards are signed by all, arent they?) rather than being secretive or decptive! (so dont be mad at him.)

i dont think your'e overreacting at all, but your reaction does rather suggest a bit of 'history' with your mil. join the club...

deceptive

Forgot to ask last night. I think he signs from ds too and gets him to scribble, which makes sense. Don't mind if he does, just strikes me as odd. If I signed from dh, it wouldn't be as special as me thinking of my own mother, IYKWIM.

To me Mother's Day is about mother figures/roles - not just necessarily about the one person who gave birth to you. Of course I adore my own mum most, but DH's mum plays a big and important role in my life too. So to me she is a mother like figure in my life. Dh and I did meet when 16 and still at school, so maybe that is why.

Both names here. Actually find it a bit weird that you would not want to be thought of as a family on a card.

my dh and ds sign a card for my mother in law and I send one to my mother which my ds signs!
It's a personal thing isn't it? But hell, my mil is a mother to me in a million ways so I should probably sign hers in 10 foot letters!!! I give her a gift though.
I suppose it's nice to mark the uniqueness of being a mummy - that's how I've always seen it.

Aw hula, childhood sweethearts. I met dh when I was 19 and he was still living at home but it still wouldn't occur to me to put my name on his mother's day card.

I never put dh's name on my mother's card. I see it as thanking her for yesrs and years of things, things that predate dh.
I don't call mil 'mum' either, I know she would love it but I only have one mum, end of.
If my ds/dd call their inlaws mum and dad i'll be gutted tbh

As we were both so young though, I spent a lot of time at his house and he at mine, and in uni life, being chauffered around my parents, under their care I guess. I call his grandad my grandad. PILs always says I am like a daughter to them, esp as they have only sons I guess. I have always been treated as very much of the family, and they are really important to me. To me, they are very much my family, so it makes sense to me.

But as ever, everyone has their own ways of doing things. Guess main thing is to make sure you and your DH agrees on what to do and go from there.

I don't call MIL mum and FIL dad though. TBH I tend no to use any name, lol! First names souded too familiar when younger, Mr & Mrs toof ormal; so now I guess I am so used to avoiding any names!

kickass, no one can tell you that you are being unreasonable, or odd, imo, as its such a personal thing that depends on your particular relationship with your mil.

mymama, maybe you feel really close and chummy with your mil, but maybe kickass doesnt. she's not 'wierd' just cos this doesnt feel right! every family is different.

as hulababy's posts reflects. some relationships are closer than others.

i didn't even see it as anything to do with how close we were - that's a whole other story - just that i honestly thought it was meant to be to your mum, a kind of reminder of how they were your mummy when you were little, how they have brought you up & helped you on your way through life. it's a reminder of that close bond which (hopefully) you have with your mother.
now i realise that for some people it's more of a family thing, how you all work together. that's fine, i just never ever thought that anyone did that. in our family we tend to treat blood relatives as closer than in laws, but thaqt is partly because there are so many of us that we can't afford cards/presents for the 'late comers'. we're not nasty to them, but my mum would be a bit quizzical about dh signing a mother's day card to her. on all other cards, they would be sent as a family.
incidently, dh sends a card to his gran on mothers day because she did help to bring him up, so it seems appropriate, but i never sent one to mine. i think the kickass household shall just allow each other to sign cards as they see fit, and i now understand the different points of view around this subject.

Think you're right, she's HIS mum and not yours,and vice versa!
i wouldnt put dh's name on my mum's mothers day card due to the small fact that SHE AINT HIS MOTHER!

For me, I send a mothers day card to my mother and would not dream of signing someone elses. Mothers day for me is not about saying "congrats on being a mother", it's about saying "thank you for being MY mother".

Now, if there was someone that I was very close to and had treated me like a daughter and the bond was there such as a MIL who had gone out of her way when my mother hadn't then I would deffo sign a card.

I don't put Dh's name on birthday or mother's day cards to my mum cos I always choose one with a really nice message that really means something and those sentiments don't come from DH, they only come from me. All my three sisters put their Dh's names on though. And DH puts mine on cards to his mum and it doesn't bother me.