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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Held to ransom by a cat and a 4yr old...

108 replies

MrsMac74 · 31/03/2017 23:42

We pay 3k a month to live in a beautiful, beautiful, house and the bloody cat is ruining it. She follows us everywhere, all day long. She walks beside us, walks across in front of us, stands so close to our feet we don't realise she's there and so constantly trip over her. Constantly nee-owing too - just so annoying.
She is well-fed but under-loved - we have a baby and a 4yr old, so life is busy. When carrying the baby, we have to deploy a strange knee-lifting prance-walk, just to be sure she's not under our feet and about to send us hurtling towards the floor.
She invariably stands right in our way when dashing between baby in the living room and grabbing something in another room. It's dangerous. I think she's been accidentally kicked in the head so many times, she's gone mad.
Tried explaining to our 4yr old that the cat would better off living with someone else as she's obvs not happy, that it would be better for everyone etc etc. He came back into the room sobbing, after losing our other (adored) cat in the summer, he feels it would be too much to lose this one too. And she's his friend (despite never showing any interest in the blasted thing).
Question is, do we persevere and re-home the cat? I thought we could maybe offer him a goldfish as a replacement (a bit crap, I know). Would our son get over the heartbreak? He is still cut-up about the other cat dying in the summer. I don't want to cause him any more pain but I am at the end of my tether with this cat. Idea please.

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 01/04/2017 10:01

It's a cat. Not a child. They are self-centred evil bastards. It will be fine.

This is a myth. Cats do form strong bonds with their owners. Maybe they don't form bonds with you, but I wouldn't universalise that. I would, however, recommend that both you and OP stop getting pets that you view as disposable.

NightWanderer · 01/04/2017 10:10

Its really hard to rehome cats. I have my own bedroom/workroom which also doubles as a cat room. Maybe you could make a cat room and put the Feliway in there? Obviously not keep the cat in there all the time but just sometimes for a break.

HalfShellHero · 01/04/2017 10:13

I think it would deeply upset your chIlderton, 6 years they will have bonded..

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/04/2017 10:14

I read the OP waiting for the punchline. I thought it was one of those 'heh my cat is annoying and trying to kill me LOL' type threads. Then I got to "She is well-fed but under-loved - we have a baby and a 4yr old, so life is busy". Poor darling pussy cat. She has lost her kitty friend and now you are treating her like she is a nuisance. If you know someone who loves her then rehome her. It sounds like it is in her best interests, porr furry love. Enjoy your beautiful home!

BernardsBum · 01/04/2017 10:18

This is one of my re homed cats - photo taken just after he tried to rip my arm off.
He is a self-centred evil bastard.
(Apologies for the common bedspread - I realise the pattern is very passe on Mumsnet)

Held to ransom by a cat and a 4yr old...
GloGirl · 01/04/2017 10:20

I don't have any real advice, just sympathy. My cat was a right arsehole and I nearly killed him so many times over doing nightfeeds when he was prowling underfoot. I nearly killed him on purpose numerous times too when he kept tripping me up on the stairs.

Hating him at my most tired was just a symptom of how tired I was. Having my second baby was a world different than my first. All the guilt in my body was being used for my oldest DC so I had none left for the cat who did have it pretty poor.

In the very rare time I had 5 minutes to myself and I was too exhausted to do chores I'd sit and get 5 minutes peace and having the cat prowling acting neglected was hard work.

You've had the cat 6 years, he's part of your family, your DS loves him. Give yourself some time, it'll feel different in a couple of months years

It's just hard right now you must be exhausted. Set aside 5 minutes cat cuddles a day so your guilt lessens and gives you a bit more time to feel guilty about everything else Grin

stitchglitched · 01/04/2017 10:20

My cat can get a bit like that if he has been cooped up indoors for too long. Once he was neutered he could go off outside and burn off some energy and he is so much calmer now. He goes of gallavanting all night then comes home in the morning for food, snuggles and sleep. Doesn't your cat go out at all?

motherinferior · 01/04/2017 10:21

I don't think cats are disposable. If you'd actually read my posts you'd see that our cats are all ones we've taken in from people who couldn't have them any more. I do not, however, think they have a particularly rich interior life. I love them dearly. The place they fill in my world is of careless good-looking creatures who treat me well only when it serves their purpose before they stomp out into the night twirling their whiskers. I know my place in their hierarchy and it's strictly a supporting role.

Crunchymum · 01/04/2017 10:21

Maybe you need to kick the cat out of your beautiful, beautiful (£3k per month) house.

Biscuit
Headofthehive55 · 01/04/2017 10:34

IT bites because it loves you. And when it bites your defenceless baby?
Is that ok too? Yes it might be unhappy for a bit when re homed. But you are unhappy now. Your children will get over it.
Scratches and bites can turn septic. Or scar.
I think it would be better elsewhere.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/04/2017 10:46

In 46 years of having cats I have never had a bite that needed medical treatment . Plus they don't just come up and randomly bite

Meowstro · 01/04/2017 10:46

First thing I will say is get the cat a collar with a loud bell! We hear our cat coming before it gets there and you'll know if it's by you.

Feliway as previously suggested should be used for 2 - 3 weeks before you see a change (it can be expensive so I started to buy it on Vio Vet). I stuck it out with the plug in for 4 weeks and noticed a real difference, my cat used to hide and jump on my feet to naw at them. Truthfully, it was my fault as we used to play like that when he was a kitten but the more he got attachment issues (me visiting family for the weekend, leaving him with my mum when I still lived in the family home), the worse his nawing, following and constant need for attention got. It's what cats do but can be to an extreme if they're stressed or anxious.

I don't use Feliway anymore as it got us through the worst times but you do have to take a long look at what triggered the behaviour too. I think age of the cat comes into it because they can grow out of it and also whether you are dedicating play time to them which is what they need. My cat is an outdoor cat and I try to make time to play outdoors with him occasionally too, rustling the grass which he plays with then runs off but he knows I'm close by for play. You have a 4 year old and they can definitely assist with play with a bit of coaching from you.

YABU to tell your child you think someone else should have it. What kind of example does that set your child as a potential future pet owner? Love towards both animals and humans shouldn't come with an attitude of give up if it gets too hard, sometimes your behaviour needs to change too.

AromatAddict · 01/04/2017 10:50

I am amazed at how few biscuits there are so have one from me OP

Get a grip too Biscuit

Iloveanimals · 01/04/2017 10:50

I had to take in my rescue cat cause owner didn't want to spend the right amount t of time with it. She was yowelling excessively, underweight, pooing and weeing inside house. I'm really glad I've got her and love her so much. Op cats are hard work, yes mostly they sleep 14-16 hours a day but when they are awake they make their presence known. Do you actually want to keep the cat or not? If not then no advice on here is going to help you, only if you decide you want to change will help. Your cat sounds very much like it has Css (cat stress disorder) and would benefit from a new, calmer environment (whether that be with you or rehomed) One where she/he feels safe and where gentle interaction is encouraged throughout the day. But please think carefully before having anymore pets, they are lives that needed to be treated and valued properly Flowers

HermioneJeanGranger · 01/04/2017 10:57

I've been bitten and scratched by cats thousands of times and I've never needed so much as a plaster!

If you're that concerned about a cat that might bite a toddler, don't get a cat, because it's what they do!

I was playing with my Maine Coon earlier and he bit me - it didn't even hurt, and he's a BIG cat. He was playing and didn't do it out of fear or aggression.

ghostyslovesheets · 01/04/2017 10:59

I have a mortgage and 5 cats - my new stair carpet is ruined by their hair and claws

I chose to have them - they are MY responsibility and they are part of our family (3 kids, 2 gerbils, 3 guinea pigs and 4 fish!)

BUT I would ask you to re home your cat as she sounds sad and unloved - but please don't get any more pets - you don't sound like you take your responsibilities seriously - all she is doing is asking for love :(

ghostyslovesheets · 01/04/2017 11:00

oh and if a cat bites a child it's normally because the child needs to learn to leave the cat the fuck alone - in our house I always side with the cat!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 01/04/2017 11:02

I have nothing remotely pleasant to say to people who take on pets and then get all annoyed by the pet behaving exactly as pets do.

Mermaidinthesea · 01/04/2017 11:03

Can you not encourage your 4 year old to take over the cats care under supervision? It will teach responsibility and it your 4 year old feeds the cat everyday the cat will most likely follow him around everywhere.

WormwoodScrubbed · 01/04/2017 11:10

My sympathies lie firmly with your cat and your son

flumpybear · 01/04/2017 11:22

Get another cat friend for your moggie

crazycatgal · 01/04/2017 11:28

Why did you get the cat if you weren't going to bother with her? She's already been in a shelter once, it's not fair to put her in one again.

Stripeymug · 01/04/2017 11:35

I have a needy cat and just look where I am walking? Try getting a few cat toys, play with her at certain times of day, if you can't be bothered then get your 4 year old to do so. Feliway plug ins on every floor of your mansion too

tygr · 01/04/2017 11:36

I just had to have a cat put to sleep as she had cancer but she was displaying some challenging behaviour that was difficult to live with for several weeks beforehand due to being ill. I feel terribly guilty about my feelings of annoyance towards a sick cat but there we are. It was hard to cope with and distressing for both of us.

I'm not going to judge you for having the feelings but how you act on them is key.

If this is unusual behaviour for her then she could be stressed or ill so taking her to the vet is a good idea. Ultimately if you end up taking your frustration out on her then it probably is kinder to find a new home - definitely don't model treating an animal badly to your children.

user1489179512 · 01/04/2017 11:40

Poor cat. I hate threads like this...