Is it legal for a teacher to deny a child access to a toilet?

[NotTheMrMenAgain]

I have a friend whose DC, age 13, recently soiled themselves in class because the teacher repeatedly refused to allow them to go to the toilet (and were fairly dismissive about it, by the sound of it). It wasn't a small mishap - the rest of the class were dismissed and my friend called to collect DC.
Understandably, DC is mortified and horrified and my friend very upset and angry. There's been a verbal apology from the head of year to my friend, who said how upset the teacher involved was - but no apology from the teacher to the DC - the teacher had since ignored the child/incident.
AIBU to think this simply isn't good enough? My heart goes out to the poor kid, who knows what kind of mark it will leave and what sort of bullying/mockery it will set them up for.
Is it against a child's basic rights to deny them access to a toilet? It seems like cruelty to me. It this a common policy at secondary school? Apparently they aren't allowed to pop to the loo in between classes, only at break/lunch. When I was a teenager my periods were heavy and I wouldn't have made it til break without an accident!

Offred "f having investigated it they found failings to maybe say they feel bad about it happening and if they found no failings to tell me why". Effectively they've skipped this though haven't they by saying up front that they are going to retrain their staff. Surely that means that they feel bad about it and is actually much more useful than just saying sorry.

You said that they school hadn't witnessed any behavioural issues to make them concerned or feel the need for SENCO support. Do you think that's the case?

Therapist's opinion was that it was highly inappropriate to conduct the assessment in the cupboard and that it caused the meltdown but that it often happens in schools where space is really at a premium but she couldn't understand why it would ever be acceptable to let dd through both doors to the street without checking with anyone in authority and that she thought that was a massive safeguarding issue.

The OP may have well have stated "I only want supportive postings"

Offred- I agree that it was a massive safeguarding issue and in saying they are going to retrain staff, the school clearly agree.

There is now evidence that there were concerns all through her school career as they raised them all at the CIN meeting and they filled in the assessments which showed ASD traits. They had not ever raised any concerns with me at the time even though I was asking and raising concerns with them.

Yes they have skipped over the investigating part and implicitly acknowledged some responsibility for that incident by saying they would refrain the staff but one of the things I mentioned as a concern was that they were not recording things they should have recorded.

If they had not said about training the staff then I would have prioritised writing to the governors because it would have been more important for me to do that.

Offred- you haven't said how long ago the incident was and how that has led to a long absence from school

for reference one of the concerns raised was that 2 years before dd did not have a single friend for the entire year and did not go ever out to play at break and instead was given permission to stay in and help the teacher and would sometimes bang her head when stressed. During that year I had only gone to parents evening and briefly mentioned previous year's issues and was happy that school were saying she had finally settled because she seemed happier at home too. They did not mention any of this until the CIN meeting.

Were you not aware of the lack of friends? None invited home or mentioned at home/playing in playground at drop off etc?

She has been off school now for months because of her complex needs including severe anxiety and hospitalisation for it/meltdowns which have resulted in her not being able to leave her bedroom for several months nevermind my house and not even for the toilet. She will sometimes even wee on the floor in her room or a glass rather than go to the bathroom. She is now managing to go to her dad's for contact most of the time but needs a lot of support and encouragement even to do that.

No because she talked about friends at home. She has never been able to manage friends coming to the house or siblings having friends round which is one of the concerns I kept raising with school.

Offred

Your daughter sounds like she's having a very, very difficult time. It must be hard.

Offred:

I think you are right to focus on getting help for her. I hope you find the support you need.

Goodness me. It sounds like your daughter needs support way beyond what any school has the resources to manage. I hope that suitable professionals are supporting her (and you) now.

So for years I have said I am worried about her and social relationships, about her rigid thinking, perfectionism and that when she is given homework she consistently comes home not knowing how to complete it and saying that the teacher hadn't explained it which I knew could not possibly be true, that she always tried to do the homework but often she would need to spend hours on things like maths working out her own method for solving the problem using logic rather than the method that was explained during class and that when I tried to explain the method to her she would find it hard to understand... many things....

And yes everyone agrees she has massive problems now but that the reason she has massive problems is because when I first raised concerns about her anxiety around school and failure to settle in reception the school should have referred her to the educational psychologist.

Did I read that she'd had CAMHS input?

That is the assessment of the myriad of people who are now involved and the social worker only called a CIN meeting because in his assessment the school was not doing anything that was necessary. That's because the hospital and CAMHS assessments (which got sent to the social worker) had come back saying her anxiety was related to school but school had told the social worker that the problems were outside school and they didn't see problems.

But again once she was out of hospital CAMHS insisted that they wouldn't provide support at home and she had to come to the clinic (which I understand is better if the child can do it but dd really couldn't at that time) and so because she couldn't manage it (I did get her there once but she had a meltdown and threw over all the metal chairs in the waiting room and then ran away) they discharged her without any treatment.

And now we are in a seemingly perpetual cycle of 'we can't really do anything because school need to evidence they have exhausted their resources'

It's a strange situation for the school to not have wanted to acknowledge that there was an issue at school to be honest. With a diagnosis tends to come increased funding and support and such a child would almost certainly be challenging in a classroom- warranting a need for additional TA support for example. What year should she be in now? How many teachers have been involved that haven't raised issues?

This has given me a flashback to my first year in teaching and my "class from hell" last thing on a Friday. I was told my main objective was to keep them in the room for an hour - these were 15/16 year olds that would vandalise, smoke and worse. One boy (who was about a foot taller than me) got right in my face and threatened to "piss in the corner" if I didn't let him go. All his mates were goading him on. Fortunately he didn't - but I have never been so scared in a classroom (including breaking up fights - the lovely place that it was). Quite an extreme example - but the reality some teachers face.

Many years in and I now work in sixth form and luckily never have to refuse a request to go - I prefer them so ask to be excused rather than explicitly asking to go to the loo.

I am not surprised this happened as teachers are human beings and don't get it right every time (and are sometimes following a strict policy). If it were me, I would have been mortified and would have done everything I could in the way if apologising andcdrawing as little attention as possible to it.

I'm not surprised you are angry with schools. And school "systems" particularly.

Are there any local "education other than school" provisions in your area? Often SS can refer in extreme cases, which this sounds as though it is.

Stuckwithnowheretogo
The pupil next to him had a school bag of mouldy, festering sandwiches - hence the smell.
My god, how long had they been in that bag!!!? Poor kid, but this did make me laugh a little

So the conclusions of everyone who has managed to see her are that she very likely is on the spectrum but that her needs are complicated by her severe anxiety. And the longer she is out of school the more difficult it is but no-one can do anything it seems because school haven't yet done anything bar pay for one hourly visit by the wellbeing service since January this year and because she doesn't have a diagnosis and isn't under CAMHS but if she goes back to CAMHS she will be discharged by the paed so will go back to the back of the year long waiting list for appointments with the OT and paed and so diagnosis will be delayed. It has been an endless cycle of desperate phone calls to anyone that could help for me bearing mind she reached crisis point in Feb last year which is when I first got her to the gp but things were delayed because school were still saying no problems there in Feb last year.