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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dw shouldn't tell dh off in public??

60 replies

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 30/03/2017 14:25

Or anywhere really!!
Just witnessed in Primark a woman about 35 telling her dh off!! Loudly!!
"I told you to stop doing that!! "
I looked around for a 'naughty' dc tbh!!
Her dh was carrying a giggling toddler ds who he was quite endearingly engaging with while she browsed. Nothing silly or loud - both in their own little world actually!! - and sweet to see!!
Again she shouted the same words. Then I realised she was talking to her dh!! I felt myself stare and I felt so embarrassed for the poor man!! He carried on with his df/ds moments and ignored her!! But who did she think she was??

OP posts:

Doyouwantabrew · 30/03/2017 14:27

Men suffer D/V too. Poor bloke and poor child. Nasty cow.

floraeasy · 30/03/2017 14:27

Wonder what she does behind closed doors if this is in public

ThePiglet59 · 30/03/2017 14:28

Perhaps he was one of those useless, lazy man-child tossers that we hear so much about?

Instasista · 30/03/2017 14:28

Maybe they were just having a bad day. It doesn't sound that bad

Doyouwantabrew · 30/03/2017 14:31

You think it's ok for one adult to shout that to another adult? Wow.

DavidPuddy · 30/03/2017 14:32

You don't know any of the story behind it, so stop judging.

Eatingcheeseontoast · 30/03/2017 14:32

You know, everyone has bad days....I've had a shout in public at my DH when I've been hungry and/or stressed and apologised profusely afterwards.

ScarlettFreestone · 30/03/2017 14:37

Well, in general, people should be polite to each other in public but you don't know what he did, do you?

Maybe he turned (a recently fed) kid upside down?
Maybe he picked his nose?
Maybe he pinched her backside?
Maybe he stood on her toes or heels?

Your basic argument seems to be "he looked like a nice bloke and a good Dad so she should have kept her mouth shut"

Mostly I reckon two adults having an argument isn't my business, in large part because a 60 second snapshot tells you nothing about their life.

Doyouwantabrew · 30/03/2017 14:39

No you never had to shout you just did and apologised after. No way have we a perfect marriage but couples arguing in public or one adult shouting at another just looks so bad and awful for the children.

I grew up with warring shouty parents and it's grim.

Instasista · 30/03/2017 14:42

But people do it. It's common. Arguing is part of life, and sometimes it happens in public. I understand if you grew up with parents doing it you'd hate it but it's really not a big deal

Original poster

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 30/03/2017 14:44

They weren't arguing - he just ignored her. . He was all smiles with ds and she looked livid!!
They weren't being loud or causing any disturbance. No throwing or catching the ds /no tipping or dropping!! Just chatting and laughing - he had him in his arms at the front of him. Why would you feel the need to shout at your dh to stop being nice to your dc?? Odd. .

OP posts:

OhhBetty · 30/03/2017 14:49

If my partner ever tried to "tell me off" or shouted at me I'd end the relationship. No joke. I've been in abusive relationships too many times. It's no way to treat a partner.

Instasista · 30/03/2017 14:51

That's interesting Betty- so you didn't end those abusive relationships immediately as soon as there was a sign like shouting?

August1984 · 30/03/2017 14:56

You don't know what he was actually doing that wound her up to be fair, only what it looked like he was doing to you. Or what he'd been doing/had said the rest of the day, which may have pushed her to that point. Not ideal to shout at your partner but we all have bad days, don't we.

Screwinthetuna · 30/03/2017 14:56

How do you know what he was doing? You don't know the story, stop judging. She was hardly punching him in the face and calling him a stupid bastard.

Renaissance2017 · 30/03/2017 14:58

And if a man shouted at his wife in public the reaction would of been......?

IloveBanff · 30/03/2017 14:58

If a man was witnessed talking to his wife like that the responses would be different. Unfortunately, so many times on MN it seems that a man's place is in the wrong.

ThymeLord · 30/03/2017 15:02

I'm sorry, honestly I am a bit sorry but WHY the need to refer to a dear wife and dear husband in the thread title?! Just...why? The unnecessary adding of D to everything is just infuriating!

Don't answer, i'm being unreasonable I know. Carry on...

BertrandRussell · 30/03/2017 15:02

I actually think adults shouldn't shout at each other at all. Do you know what she wanted him to stop doing?

Ragwort · 30/03/2017 15:13

I agree no one should speak like that to anyone - in public or otherwise. But I do tend to notice sometimes when adults address their DW/DH in a really infantilising (sp?) manner. It can be so condescending, I often wonder how people can stay in relationships where they are treated so disrespectfully.

And yes, agree with Ilove - if this was a man talking to a woman MN would be outraged.

statetrooperstacey · 30/03/2017 15:15

This could b me! If it wasn't for the fact I don't go to primark. And although I am obviously projecting I could hazard a guess at what would provoke the livid expression and shouting because my DH does this all the time .
Farting. Or rather farting in shops , quietly, and waiting for me to notice. Usually I am fucking furious because it's vile and because people will think it's me. I then vacate the area rapidly which makes it definitely look like it's me. Maybe he does this.
So it kind of goes browse wander ooh nice things. Then a horrible smell and a look at DH who is barely suppressing his hilarity. I shout at him and make a break for a different aisle. Fun times.

OhhBetty · 30/03/2017 15:29

Instasista they didn't shout at me they raped me. One went from being wonderful to beating me, throwing me down the stairs, choking me etc and raping me. The other was totally lovely to everyone else. Never shouted or beat me. But used to rape me in my sleep. Maybe that helps you understand?
I'm different now and feel more confident in myself to speak up against behaviour I don't find acceptable. It's taken years to get to where I am now and I'm so proud of myself. I've recently met someone and he knows exactly what I will and won't tolerate. I finally feel like I deserve to be treated well.

bloodyfuming9 · 30/03/2017 15:29

doyouwantabrew

No you never had to shout you just did and apologised after

That wasn't what the poster said. She said she has 'had a shout in public'. Very different meaning to she 'had to shout'!

puddingpen · 30/03/2017 15:31

He had his arms in front of him... was he doing T rex??? Does anyone remember that thread?

But on a serious note, no it is not okay for her to shout at him in public, unless he was doing something dangerous or inappropriate I suppose.

ScarlettFreestone · 30/03/2017 15:32

I absolutely don't think "a man's place is in the wrong" but I also don't think it's right to vilify some poor woman on MN because of a 30 second snapshot of her life.

She might well have been being rude or unreasonable in that moment but that doesn't mean they aren't perfectly happily married and equally good parents to their child.

A glance at someone across a shop isn't enough to form a judgement.

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