Violence at school.

[LookAtTheFlowersKerry]

Ds1 is 14 and attends a single sex school.

There have been six or seven incidents of violence towards him in the past two years, he's been punched in the head twice, choked, pushed up a flight of stairs so his head hit the railings, etc.

Yesterday he was held in a headlock and strangled to the point he couldn't breathe and then punched in the stomach.

I had to hear about this from him as school didn't contact me. His HoY told him she would speak to the boys involved.

Last time he was punched, HE got a detention for 'antagonising'. We went in to speak to the school and they were apologetic but told us ds needs to keep quiet when they verbally abuse him as he aggravates the situation.

Yesterday's incident was because a boy (who incidentally is six foot and well built compared to ds who is 4'11 and weighs less than seven stone) called him anorexic. This is a theme, he gets called this frequently.

Ds replied along the lines of 'you ought to watch your Big Mac intake' and this led to him being attacked.

He came home and cried in my arms. I am RAGING.

I'm keeping him home today and plan to speak to this school after I've dropped my youngest off. I'm not particularly assertive and will get in a flap. Please help me with some strategies and phrases to get this sorted.

They apparently have a 'hands off' policy but this constitutes a fifteen minute detention in most cases so not really a deterrent.

I can't keep sending him into a place where he is physically hurt regularly.

He is a bright boy and does well at school but currently hates it because he seems to be a target (it's several unrelated incidents).

Any advice welcomed.

HoY is clearly not equipped to deal with this - I'd say the next step is HT or governors.
I think calling it bullying adds to the school's complacency call it what it really is: assault, as PPs have said. I think technically you'd be within your rights to pursue charges for battery or ABH (not suggesting that you should, necessarily, just putting it in the context of how seriously it might be taken if it was taking place outside the school gates).

FWIW I quite admire his guts and quick thinking re the Big Mac retort - maybe that does antagonise them but at least he knows he hasn't just lain down and taken it.

HorridHenry Good call, I hadn't thought of Ofsted. That might be more sensible than governors.

Am guessing the 6' boy is older?

Police first. Then formal complaint to the Chair of Governors.

And I would naked damned sure the HoY wouldn't get PRP this year. The situation has been mishandled and doesn't deserve reward.

^make

And I would naked damned sure the HoY wouldn't get PRP this year.

How does that work?

Getting a crime number should send a rocket up their arses as it looks like nothing else will.

Police first. Then write a letter to governors (Child & family services if you're in Scotland) detailing all the incidents and cc to the head teacher making it absolutely clear that you have had to inform the police because the school has done nothing to protect your son from assault on their premises.

Do not complain to Ofsted. They do not deal with complaints about schools.
You need to get a copy of the complaints procedure and follow it to the letter. If you are still unhappy, then you can take it further. It is in order the head, then the governing body, then either the DFE if it is a maintained school or the Educational Funding Agency for an Academy.
The police are a good way forward, they can and do look into school incidents.

Despite being a teacher at KS3&4 I'd agree with contacting 101.
Any school policy is only as good as those that are charged with enforcing it.
In my 20+ years of experience I've found that if bullying is being tolerated amongst the student body then it is endemic in the staffroom as well .
It's a sad fact that many policies that schools provide on websites etc are there simply because they are required to have them by law and to provide evidence to Ofsted. They are far to complicated and clunky and allow some members of SMT /SLT to shirk their responsibilities in a lengthy procedure that in the best circumstances makes the procedure transparent but at wosrst ends up being too laborious for parents to execute effectively .
Excuses are always made about behaviour that shouldn't be tolerated as presented in the policies.
I am not referring to the odd 'flare up' due to sudden pressures or stresses experienced by children at various but understandable points in their lives.
I'm referring to the pupils who are consistently and continually causing distress to pupils and disrupting the learning of their peers on a very regular and sometimes even daily basis.
A Head of House once admitted to me that he 'suggested' to a parent that the only way to stop a particular situation was to inform the police.
It explained why within 48 hours the behaviour of not only the pupil involved improved but others who believed they could behave the way they did with impunity.
For every school that doesn't have theses problems there are plenty that still do.
Call the police. Move your son. As a society we can no longer allow the excuse of bullying being 'part' of school life to be an excuse to stand by and do nothing.

Just to be clear by ' by pupil involved' I mean the bully NOT the victim.

OP have you had your meeting? How did it go?

No one has called me back. I'm about to call again. I'm getting more wound up by the second.

Forget the phone calls. Call 101 now. Then email the head and tell him what you've done. My ds is from a mixed ethnic background and got a lot of racist bullying at his first secondary school (we moved him). The school were useless until I felt I had no choice but to involve the police. I wanted to start getting things documented. The school liaison officer for the police visited us and then the school. Magically the school started dealing with the little bastards and it stopped overnight.

I really feel for you op maybe have a cuppa and write yourself a few bullet points before you call ( if you haven't done so already) If your sons behavior is mentioned at all as some kind of justification for what is happening to him answer with a swift "why are you blaming my son for the bullys actions".
Good luck

Keep calling - also check out any other schools in this area since this place seems like a sack of shit.

Be the squeaky wheel as I bet they are assuming you are going to back down.

bubbathebuilder

That's pretty awful advice I'm afraid

Help him and yourself,
School, formal letter to head and governors, if it's an academy chain the ceo. State safeguarding of pupils (this is Ofsted territory), though they won't investigate, it can trigger inspection.
However also the police. To school it happened there, they are involved, negligence to protect makes them accountable.

Finally though it sounds awful and is it worth keeping him there? You can fight but protecting him comes first .

It's definitely a police matter so do contact them. The school are clearly not interested in resolving this - hence their lack of contact with you. I suspect it's just one of those schools that tolerate bullying, yes they do exist unfortunately. A school can have all the policies they like but they can also choose to ignore them.

I would also consider removing him from that school he's not safe there.

Please be clear Op. What happened to your son was assault and it is reasonable to involve the police. At the second school my ds went to, they would tell the boys who got involved in particularly nasty fights that the police could get involved and actually did get the police involved in a couple of cases I heard about.

I would ask for a copy of the schools complaints procedure and follow it.

This. By going through all channels at once, you'll just be referred back to the previous steps.

If you're worried about the confrontation aspect then make sure to write down things you'd like addressed before so that you don't leave wishing there was something you'd asked or said. Feel free to tell whoever you're meeting with that you'd like a minute to gather your thoughts or think about something they've just said before replying.

Take notes during meetings and write them up as minutes. Send them via email to whomever you met with as a confirmation of what was said.

"why are you blaming my son for the bully's actions".

This is a great retort

Ignore any uninformed posters mentioning Ofsted. This isn't their role.

I would call the police to report this but there is no rush (it can wait a couple of hours). Calm down. Think about what you'd like to tell them. Write this down so you don't forget.

I'm a head, by the way.

which bit piglet? Or just everything I say there?

www.gov.uk/complain-about-school

Of course ofsted deal with complaints about schools!!

Link above.

"Of course ofsted deal with complaints about schools!!"

But only after you have exhausted every other avenue. Starting point is escalate within school, then governors.

If you start at Ofsted (although it shouldn't and it is wrong) it can actually make teachers take complaints less "seriously" is the wrong word but you know what I mean.

Just spoke to his Pastoral Head. Here's some highlights.

'It is being investigated'

'There are always two sides to the story'

'I can't imagine (child) just going for DS1 unprovoked'

'Send him back in tomorrow and we'll make the boys apologise to each other'.

FUCK OFF.

I'm waiting for dh to come home and we're going to email the governors. And fuck sending him back in tomorrow.