AIBU to make my mother clean up her own accident?

[LaLaCascada]

For many years my Mum has had a bit of a problem with sudden urge to wee. She's 70 and has given birth twice. She hates going to the doctor and has always suffered a variety of ailments about which there is much moaning and zero action.

During a recent visit to my parents I was driving my mum home from Sainsbury's in a rather nice rented car. It's only about a mile but there was a bit of school traffic so we had to sit a few minutes - about 1 song on the radio so definitely less than 5 mins- and she started panicking and saying get me home I really need the loo. I said hang on, it's only two more turns, keep calm and look the traffic is moving now, she snapped it's too late, I've wet meself. and then went silent.

Back at her house she went straight to the bathroom and sorted herself out while I unpacked the shopping and put the kettle on. When she came out I said have a coffee and where's some stuff to clean the car.

Then I said come on and she made a big show with getting her walking stick and hobbling to the car parked on the drive - 20 steps?- as I followed with the kitchen roll and keys. I unlocked the car and waited a moment and when she didn't respond I said clean the seat please which she did do but with a lot of huff and puff. My dad and husband and daughter were there and noticed us going out to the car but I just said we had to get something. Then we carried on the evening like normal. DH noticed things were a bit off but just assumed a little disagreement had happened.

At no point was I rude or shouty or anything. I was a bit cheesed off because we had a long journey the next day which meant I would sit there when DH was driving but it wasn't like she puked or poohed.

I spent the night researching because I care and don't want my mum to live like this and did encourage Mum to make a doctor's appointment and she is now getting some help that made her worse at first but she now is improving a bit. I haven't said anything about it until now so as not to embarrass my mum. HOWEVER there has been a certain chill since it happened. It hasn't been mentioned except to say the doctor knows about it and the making of various follow up appointments.

So, was I being unreasonable to expect her to clean up her own urine?

[LimitedSedition]

That was really mean of you. Really really mean.

[TalkingofMichaelAngel0]

My mum is 72 and won't go anywhere she doesnt know anymore, or on planes, because she needs to be close to a toilet. ywbu.

[MrsPacMan]

YABU! That's your mum! Why would you embarrass her like that?! My goodness, how hard would it have been for you to clean the car whilst she was in the bathroom 😔

This makes me so sad. She raised you.

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

You stood over her and told her to clean it up?!

That is pure humiliation. What an awful way to treat her.

[SlaveToDisney]

Im sorry but YABVU. Your mother was probably very embarassed and you made a huge deal of this. No need to treat her like this its not like she did it on purpose.

[Trifleorbust]

You made her clean it? Why? And why were you pissed off with your elderly mum because she has continence issues (which I imagine we will all have one day, should we live long enough)?

'Clean the seat please'? And you think you weren't rude or snotty? You might as well have rubbed her face in it.

[popkat1]

It sounds like you have been really mean 😞

[Obsidian77]

She must have been mortified. YABU to make an uncomfortable situation worse.
You also might want to educate yourself more about her condition.

[LoupGarou]

I would have insisted on cleaning up my accident myself, surely that's just manners?

YANBU IMHO, but I've been no contact with my mother since I was sixteen so I'm probably not the most accurate judge.

[Presstheresetbutton]

Is this the wee troll again?

[Topuptheglass]

If there is no senility I would've asked her to clean it up.

However, I wouldn't have marched her out to the car with cleaning stuff.

[KenDoddsDadsDog]

I feel so sad for your mam. Humiliating , she must feel awful.

[Cocolepew]

If you suffer with urge incontinence you can't hold on, even for one minute.

[TyneTeas]

My DM would probably feel more mortified if I cleaned up after her and would have preferred to do it herself

[LaLaCascada]

So most of you think IWBU.

She does wear Tena all the time but she flooded it.

I know she did a lot for us and basically sacrificed her health but I love her and wanted to make a point that it's not alright to be in that condition. Also she is pretty much housebound due to her fear of it happening again.

[Tiptoethr0ughthetulips]

Aww, YABU I'm afraid. I'd just have discreetly cleaned it up...what a bit of piss between mother and daughter. She's done much more for you, circle of life and all that.

[LaLaCascada]

She's not senile at all.

[confusedat23]

Also just to add my 80 YO Nan had an accident in my parents car the other day and my Dad cleaned it up... not even a question asked or anything.

The more i am thinking about your post the more disgusted i am

[Jenwen22]

I think you were unreasonable. I would have cleaned up after her, as its clearly an embarressing thing to happen at any age. My granny has incontinance problems and shes left in tears every time it happens as shes so mortified. Your post does come across as slightly uncaring and patronising but that may be the way its worded. It would have been nice to help her to clesn it up instead of standing there with a quick 'dont worry mum these things happen. ' i wouldnt do or say anything now just let it blow over, but remember youll be that age one day and im sure if the same thing happened to you, then you would want someone to respond kindly. Just learn from it and move on; your mum cant help it and its not as if shes going out of her way to do it deliberatly

[BubbleBed]

It's one thing wanting her to get help, to see a GP, to not be housebound.

It's another thing to stand over her and rub her nose in it like a naughty dog.

[ChorusLine69]

Sounds like you were rather unkind

I would have done it for my DM and not made a big deal as I wouldn't want to make her feel worse than she already probably did!

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

But you just treated her like a child who had intentionally done something wrong. That's horrible. Poor woman

[ToffeeForEveryone]

God, you're horrible. Your poor mother.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Hang out, I think that makes it even worse.

She was wearing protection and it flooded - you knew that and still made a 70yo go out and clean it like she's a naughty toddler who drew on the walls?

I'm sorry, but that's awful behaviour. She hardly did it on purpose! Your poor mum