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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a little worried about this girl?

55 replies

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 19:51

DD is 11 and in year 7. She has a lovely group of friends and is generally very easy-going, gets on with everyone.

Among her group of friends is a girl who went to the same primary school as her. They weren't in the same class but became quite close in Year 6. The girl - we'll call her Charlotte - has been to our house a number of times and dd has been to hers. She is a lovely girl, and her mum also seems lovely.

Recently, though, my dd has been getting really annoyed with this friend, as she regularly seems to tune out of conversations and stop listening, then she suddenly comes out of her little dream world and demands to know what everyone is talking about. This can make her come across as quite nosy, as she demands to know what people were talking about -despite having been there and not listening! I think she may just be afraid that she has missed something interesting.

In addition to this, she also seems to tune out in class, and is constantly asking my dd what she is supposed to be doing in lessons - they are in the same sets for everything, so this goes on all day, and it's really starting to get dd down. Charlotte is extremely bright and has always been very hardworking and conscientious in the past, so I don't think it's that she doesn't understand or can't be bothered. She just seems to tune out.

DD has tried in various ways to let Charlotte know that this behaviour is really annoying, jokingly at first and then gently but more seriously. DD is quite tactful by nature and really doesn't want to upset Charlotte, but she is now finding the situation so annoying that she doesn't want to be around her much. Charlotte hasn't said much when dd has pointed out what she is doing, but she has become upset when others have expressed their annoyance more bluntly. However, the behaviour doesn't change.

Initially, I wondered if she might have something like adhd or an auditory processing disorder or something, but dd is convinced that this behaviour is relatively new - just the last few months. I'm therefore wondering what might be causing this behaviour - just hormones/normal pre-teen behaviour, our something more worrying? I'm also concerned that Charlotte may become increasingly isolated socially as others find it difficult to be around her - I'm pretty sure that dd won't be unkind to her in any way, but I think she may start to avoid her, and I can't say I really blame her. Some of Charlotte's other friends are absolutely exasperated with her.

Any thoughts? I am friendly with Charlotte's mum, but don't know her well enough to say anything.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/03/2017 19:54

The way you've explained it, I'd be happy to hear from you if I were Charlotte's mum (although I probably wouldn't suggest a diagnosis only that you have no idea whether it's daydreaming/a hearing problem or maybe something else).

Rainybo · 29/03/2017 19:56

Are you saying she is actually having absences? If it's new and that noticeable it needs investigating. I'd be wondering if it was something neurological.

flapjackfairy · 29/03/2017 19:56

Could be absense seizures by the sound of it

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 29/03/2017 19:58

Petit mal.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 29/03/2017 19:59

It sounds like absence seizures which often get missed as people assume the child isn't paying attention

NennyNooNoo · 29/03/2017 20:00

Could you or your DD mention it to her class teacher if you don't want to go to Charlotte's mother directly? Your DD has said it is happening constantly in class and it is having an effect on her (your DD) so I don't think it would be perceived as being nosy.

chastenedButStillSmiling · 29/03/2017 20:01

I thought that too Rainybo and flapjack. But I wouldn't dianose yourself, OP. Just maybe raise it as something you've noticed? If not comfortable raising with the mum, I'd contact the school (head of year or senco or school nurse if there is one) and ask if this had been noticed in school and suggest they look out for it. Don't expect them to feed back to you in any way, though. If not your, your DD could do this. Again, they won't feed back to her.

Witchend · 29/03/2017 20:03

Sounds like absence seizures to me. Child in my form developed them about age 13/14yo. We thought he was messing about at first, so didn't pick up on it. Then we thought he was daydreaming. It was only when he had a particularly long (by which I'm talking a couple of minutes) during a lesson that the teacher noticed.

I think the best thing is to send a carefully worded message to the school if you don't know the mum well enough.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 29/03/2017 20:05

I was also going to say petit mal.

gamerchick · 29/03/2017 20:06

Yeah I would talk to the school carefully pointing it out. If it's on their radar they'll keep an eye out and will be in a better place to deal with it.

LorLorr2 · 29/03/2017 20:11

If she was experiencing seizures, wouldn't she be frightened of why she keeps coming over all funny and have told someone? Or do you not aware when you've had one?

Toddlerteaplease · 29/03/2017 20:11

I thought absence seizures as well.

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:12

Thank you all. I certainly wouldn't attempt to diagnose, I'm in no way qualified to do that. Also don't expect to receive any feedback from anyone if I do raise it. I'm just concerned about this girl and can't help but wonder if there is something causing this behaviour.

I don't know if she is actually having absences. DD's perception is that she just stops listening/paying attention. If she was a new friend, I'd be inclined to think that she was just a poor listener, but this is a child who previously interacted quite normally, so it isn't a lack of conversation skills.

It might be nothing, and the kid is just letting her mind wander, but it just seems odd. I'm not really confident about saying anything to her mum, as I haven't even witnessed the behaviour myself. I think mentioning to the school may be a good idea - I'm sure they will be able to investigate discreetly.

OP posts:

Catgotyourbrain · 29/03/2017 20:12

Yes petit mal - she won't be aware of it herself - she'll be confused as you are describing. Worked with someone who had lots once and she explained it.

No harm in asking her mum if she's ok, but perhaps alerting school to look for it...?

fruitbats · 29/03/2017 20:13

There was a girl in my school class. She would 'zone out' for a while. I think it was a form of epilepsy.

fruitbats · 29/03/2017 20:14

Just looked up petit mal.

Rainybo · 29/03/2017 20:15

No, she won't necessarily know and may even be quite confrontational as she is confused when they finish.

I have them rarely as part of severe migraine auras- I also experience personality change beforehand where I get quite arsey

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:16

If she was experiencing seizures, wouldn't she be frightened of why she keeps coming over all funny and have told someone?

For all I know, she might have told someone, might be getting it investigated, might even have a diagnosis. However, she hasn't told her friends (not that she should have to, but if they knew it was something medical, I think the other kids would be more tolerant).

OP posts:

Haffiana · 29/03/2017 20:17

Petit mal.

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:19

No, she won't necessarily know and may even be quite confrontational as she is confused when they finish.

That's interesting, Rainy. Will read up a bit on petit mal. Do people think I should mention this as a possibility to the school, or should I just describe the behaviour and express my concern about what might be causing it?

OP posts:

missymayhemsmum · 29/03/2017 20:21

Hi, Charlottesmum, is Charlotte ok lately? dd has said that since they've been in secondary she sometimes seems a bit preoccupied, as if she can't hear what's happening, or is in a world of her own. DD says the other kids have noticed it too. Is there anything the matter? Charlotte's such a lovely girl, it's great she and dd are good friends.

There, not so hard, is it.

DesertSky · 29/03/2017 20:23

Talk to Teacher at school and make them aware and tell them your concerns. Definitely speak up, this girl could really have a medical issue that needs addressing.

KindDogsTail · 29/03/2017 20:24

Could something bad have happened to Charlotte? PTSD or great stress of some kind can cause periodic blanking out and a lack of focus.

Domino20 · 29/03/2017 20:25

My former flat mate had petit Mal, it's what I thought before i even got to the end of OP.

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:25

I don't know, missy, I think I'd be really concerned if I got a text like that from a mum I didn't know that well. The thing is, I'm not actually sure if there is anything to worry about or not. She might just be a daydreamer!

OP posts:

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