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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a little worried about this girl?

55 replies

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 19:51

DD is 11 and in year 7. She has a lovely group of friends and is generally very easy-going, gets on with everyone.

Among her group of friends is a girl who went to the same primary school as her. They weren't in the same class but became quite close in Year 6. The girl - we'll call her Charlotte - has been to our house a number of times and dd has been to hers. She is a lovely girl, and her mum also seems lovely.

Recently, though, my dd has been getting really annoyed with this friend, as she regularly seems to tune out of conversations and stop listening, then she suddenly comes out of her little dream world and demands to know what everyone is talking about. This can make her come across as quite nosy, as she demands to know what people were talking about -despite having been there and not listening! I think she may just be afraid that she has missed something interesting.

In addition to this, she also seems to tune out in class, and is constantly asking my dd what she is supposed to be doing in lessons - they are in the same sets for everything, so this goes on all day, and it's really starting to get dd down. Charlotte is extremely bright and has always been very hardworking and conscientious in the past, so I don't think it's that she doesn't understand or can't be bothered. She just seems to tune out.

DD has tried in various ways to let Charlotte know that this behaviour is really annoying, jokingly at first and then gently but more seriously. DD is quite tactful by nature and really doesn't want to upset Charlotte, but she is now finding the situation so annoying that she doesn't want to be around her much. Charlotte hasn't said much when dd has pointed out what she is doing, but she has become upset when others have expressed their annoyance more bluntly. However, the behaviour doesn't change.

Initially, I wondered if she might have something like adhd or an auditory processing disorder or something, but dd is convinced that this behaviour is relatively new - just the last few months. I'm therefore wondering what might be causing this behaviour - just hormones/normal pre-teen behaviour, our something more worrying? I'm also concerned that Charlotte may become increasingly isolated socially as others find it difficult to be around her - I'm pretty sure that dd won't be unkind to her in any way, but I think she may start to avoid her, and I can't say I really blame her. Some of Charlotte's other friends are absolutely exasperated with her.

Any thoughts? I am friendly with Charlotte's mum, but don't know her well enough to say anything.

OP posts:

doublesnap · 29/03/2017 20:26

I also thought of absence seizures, though I'm not a medic.

OSETmum · 29/03/2017 20:30

Definitely sounds like an absence seizure since she can't change her behaviour even when others pull her up on it. You can understand why she gets upset when people mention it as she can't help it and might not even know it's happening.

Meowstro · 29/03/2017 20:32

I did this in school at a similar age and had a lot of serious stuff going at home and on in my mind, I feel my brain zoned out as a coping mechanism. There could be a problem at home, a recent change like this is a sign.

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:34

Definitely speak up, this girl could really have a medical issue that needs addressing.

I will speak up, as this is what has been worrying me. I hadn't considered petit mal and didn't really know much about it, but it does sound like a possibility. Just wondering though, wouldn't her parents have noticed this already? Or is it more likely to show up in the context of school?

Something might have happened to Charlotte, Kind, though I'm not aware of anything. I do know that she is very sensitive and gets freaked out quite easily.

OP posts:

Apachepony · 29/03/2017 20:36

I do this. I don't have petit mal, I'm just absent minded. Recently I read something about attention deficit disorder and it described my mind to a tee. I don't have add ( I think you have to be having problems in work/personal life and I don't really) but I guess my point is it could just be how her brain works. Though maybe less likely since you've said this is a new thing?

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:36

Yes, it could be a problem at home, I guess. Her family life seems happy and stable as far as I can see, though I have never met her dad.

OP posts:

springflowers11 · 29/03/2017 20:37

Also your DD disn't really know her at primary, so it might just be the way she is.
I think if you are worried you should mention your concerns to the school.

DoodleFunker · 29/03/2017 20:38

It may be dissociation and not seizures - talk to the school firstly because it may be a sign something is up at home.

DoodleFunker · 29/03/2017 20:38

Sorry I didn't RTFT.

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:38

Yes, dd says it is a new thing. I did wonder about ADD initially, but dd insists that she wasn't like this previously, so it seemed less likely.

OP posts:

SparklyUnicornPoo · 29/03/2017 20:39

I did this for a while in year 9, it was a PTSD thing, I didn't know I was doing it and could get quite snappy because it was scary, someone mentioning it to a teacher would have really helped because I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone.

greathat · 29/03/2017 20:39

Mention it to the school, they are in the best position to investigate. They may already know, the girl may have absence seizures and not want to tell her friends

Devilishpyjamas · 29/03/2017 20:40

When my son has absences I can wave a hand in front of his face and he doesn't respond.

Devilishpyjamas · 29/03/2017 20:41

He also tunes out but if not having a seizure will blink or respond when I wave a hand in front of his eyes.

Toysaurus · 29/03/2017 20:41

My son does this. He was assessed for epilepsy but turned out to be disassociation which looks very similar to absence seizures. Stress can causes it if it's started recently.

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:42

Also your DD disn't really know her at primary, so it might just be the way she is.

Yes, that's true, though they did spend a lot of time together in year 6. I have asked dd if it's possible that she was always like this and that dd is only noticing it more now because it's annoying her and she has therefore become more sensitive to it. DD isn't convinced, but it might be that this is just how she is.

OP posts:

Wando1986 · 29/03/2017 20:42

TIL I need to go and be checked out for this. This is what my Husband has said for years that I do (mid sentence, listening to a conversation etc) especially when I'm tired or stressed. I thought I just zoned out!!

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:45

someone mentioning it to a teacher would have really helped because I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone.

Thank you, that has convinced me that I should say something. Have been a little hesitant as I clearly don't know what's going on and didn't want to poke my nose in and interfere in something that isn't really my business, but I'm concerned for Charlotte and want her to get help if she needs it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:46

You have all been really helpful by the way, thank you for your advice.

OP posts:

lamado · 29/03/2017 20:48

When my DS1 was 12 his younger brother was diagnosed with coeliac disease. DS1 was tested (it was advised we get him tested and we were convinced he would be fine). It turned out he had a severe vitamin D deficiency (due to coeliac disease). Within a few weeks of a GF diet and high dose vit D supplements he told me that he was finding school so much easier. He's always been bright but said he'd started to find it really hard to concentrate, he'd just assumed it was him. He was sleeping a lot at the weekend, we just assumed 'teens need more sleep. He wasn't 'failing' just coasting along for a few months so school hadn't noticed.
Please speak to mum, sometimes you need several pieces of the jigsaw to see what's going on.

Mrsmadcatlady · 29/03/2017 20:51

My ds has generalised epilepsy, which at the moment shows mainly as absence seizures. In the beginning, I didn't know what was going on, I thought he was just being ignorant and daydreamy. It took a massive seizure plus a few EEGs etc to confirm what the hospital suspected. I would definitely mention it to the parents as gently as possible, I wished someone had told us what they suspected as it would have got him a diagnosis and medication a lot quicker. Instead, the poor thing was labelled a daydreamer and a trouble maker and the name stuck for a while until the medication helped to control his seizures.

Fast forward 12 months, and things are better and he is much better managed on his medication (Epilim)

Original poster

Brokenbiscuit · 29/03/2017 20:55

Gosh catlady, that must have been really frightening. I think I'm going to let the school investigate, and they can observe her directly. They can then approach the parents if they think there is a genuine issue.

OP posts:

Kahlua4me · 29/03/2017 20:57

I have been in exactly the same situation as you. A friend of dd's was going through the same thing and I also noticed one when she was at our house.

I spoke with her mum, who actually was relieved as she was beginning to worry about what was happening.

She was diagnosed with absence seizures and has been absolutely fine since starting medication.

I do think it would be best to say something, if it was my daughter, I would be happy for you to tell me.

Witchend · 29/03/2017 21:00

The boy in my class didn't realise it was happening at all. Which was why we thought he was just daydreaming. He'd be talking away and suddenly stop absolutely still while everything went on round him.
I remember one time when a friend had waved a hand in front of his eyes three times. On the third, he suddenly sat up and pushed the hand away and snapped (unusual for him) at the person to move away.
When we said he'd done it three times and he hadn't responded to the first two, he thought we were teasing him.

I'd address it along the lines of to a teacher:

"I'm sure you're aware of this, but my dd is mentioning a slight issue with her friend Charlotte that started about ago.
When they're talking, she seems to zone out briefly and not be aware afterwards that she's missed something.
It's happening when they're talking as friends and in class and the teachers are assuming she's daydreaming, but I am concerned as this seems unlike the Charlotte from last year.
Please pass this onto anyone you feel it would be able to help Charlotte as it seems to be upsetting her."

That's not quite right, but it says that it's a new thing (which the teachers won't necessarily pick up on as it's a new school), doesn't diagnose her, and leaves it open for them to look into it.

Devilishpyjamas · 29/03/2017 21:02

Ds1 Aldo had a year or so of seizures (we did suspect them) which was only diagnosed after four tonic clonics. So it is worth mentioning.

He does tune out with anxiety as well but is more with it than during a seizure.

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