To think this mum is being a tad PFB about prospective nurseries?

[SamanthaBrique]

Met a mum at soft play recently who's due to go back to work in a few months and is looking at local nurseries to send her DS to. However she is concerned that there aren't many Ofsted Outstanding nurseries in our area and that her child might be scarred for life (her words, not mine) by going to one that's "only" rated Good.

AIBU to think this is a bit PFB? Outstanding nurseries are great if there's one nearby but in my experience, Good has been great for my kids and they've got no scars of any kind!

by being unable to write 2 paragraphs without swearing you have just proven my point.

In the real world, the "good" school in a "good area" tend to be completely oversubscribed - they all are in my area, whilst the school in less favorable area not so much (check the data on your local council website). Why do you think that is? Of course most parents think that way, who would put their child in the worst school, or even similar school but in the worst area (if that even exists)! It's ridiculous to even pretend people do that. People big talk and ideas about "equality" and political correctness bladibla completely disappear in the real world.

Again, check the figures on your local website.

I went with an outstanding nursery for my son, only looked at outstanding ones.

Had to pull him out when they "lost" him and I found him crying in the upstairs toilet having locked himself him. God knows how long he was in there for.

Both the next nursery and his infant school are now classed as good. I took less notice of the ofstead the next time around

God help her when it comes to getting a school place.

TimetohittheroadJack

My DD is excellent at sharing, however I don't think it's an extremely important thing to learn. We teach her to share, why does she need other children for her to learn to share?

She is amazing at socializing. She will talk to anyone and often goes up to people to make conversation. She doesn't let age, race, or sex stop her from talking to people. Unlike most children her age, who often shy away.

She does need friends, and when she's older I imagine she will have someone, but she's 4. Having a friend isn't really a top priority at this age, is it?

Good or outstanding OFSTED ratings mean the leadership team is good at paperwork and saying the right things.

Shouldn't she have had Araminta down for The Best nursery since the 12 week scan? She's left it a bit late for all this concern if she's only looking a couple of months before returning to work.

It sounds as though she's a dreadful snob rather than pfb. She might like to look for a nice upper middle class nanny perhaps?

itsonlysubterfuge try doing something really simple like watching The Secret Life of Four Year Olds. I hope you find it enlightening. Friendships at four are massively important.

OP, YANBU but, in fairness to this parent, in the absence of any other standard, OFSTED is what most first-timers default to. Her comments about the council estate are not on though.

OP it sounds to me like she is guilt-ridden and anxious about going back to work, and trying to seek out the best she can afford for her baby....

I don't see what's wrong with that, and let's face it with any PFB, YOU ARE STILL LEARNING and utterly guided by OFSTED ratings and other fluff. If you didn't challenge what you view as her snobbery at the time, why do it on here?

Or did you want confirmation from MN that your nursery choice was great too?

itsonlysubterfuge

Why don't you want your DD to go to school with the local kids?

I just can't get my head around trusting her with a stranger - Do you mean you wouldn't trust the teacher?

She doesn't let age, race, or sex stop her from talking to people. Unlike most children her age, who often shy away.

Not really. Your daughter sounds no different to my DD or her friends.

I too am curious as to why itsonlysubterfuge doesn't want her child mixing with the local kids.

What's wrong them them?

I would advice her just to go visit as many as possible, before settling on anything. - then leave it at that.

Tell your friend that an OUTSTANDING nursery was outstanding for that one day. It only means the nursery is good at jumping through hoops for one day out of probably 3/4 years.
Take the ratings with a pinch of salt and go with instinct!

What does it matter to you? It isn't a judgement on your choices, just that she needs reassurance to make different ones. We really struggled to find anywhere we liked for either of ours, as a result they didn't go.

I don't like the way they are. Granted I can only see the ones who play on my street. They are rude and sweary, their parents don't seem to look after them, playing out at all times, etc. For example, the girl across the road who is 11 and came home at 11:30 at night, dressed in an extremely skimpy outfit, smoking. The kids who threw eggs at my window because we saw them out the window and my DH dare wave at them. The kids who were kicking footballs at a dog. I'm not saying all the kids are like this, I'm sure there are some lovely, nice children around. I'd just rather not let her loose in a school and have her constantly exposed to the kind of behaviour I've seen the majority of children around her display.

I'm not saying I wouldn't trust the teacher, I'm saying it would be difficult to trust the teacher, especially because he/she is a complete stranger.

I never quite know what to think when someone has obviously been a bit of a pillock but someone else has started a thread online to get a load of strangers to pile in on her, and that seems like a much more pillocky thing to do.

Our nursery just failed Ofsted. I've seen the report, and it is mostly paperwork technicalities. Important, yes, but I'm far more interested by the fact that DC1 loves it there. They play outside all the time, the staff really make sure they tailor activities and conversations to childrens individual interests at the time, they do lots of imaginative play and seem to spend half their time feeding them. It's wonderful.

She was remarkably candid with you given you aren't close acquaintances

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting the best for your child, be they firstborn or your fifth child.

itsonlysubterfuge

The kids are not going to be smoking, throwing eggs or playing football in class . You can't shield her from real life surely?

As for finding it 'difficult' to trust a teacher, that's just a bit bizarre. Teachers are amazing, anyone who can deal with 30ish children at one time is only to be admired.

I've used a good few nurseries in my time. The "outstanding" one had flash managers who were great at wowing perspective parents, but unhappy staff who weren't allowed to use their creativity and a high turnover

Also used an ofstead satisfactory one where the office/business management was crap, invoices were always wrong or late, but the staff had freedom to be creative, it was a fantastic environment, they had zero staff turnover, and I'm still in touch with her wonderful keyworker nearly 10 years later!

I got my 10 GCSE A-A stars at a needs improvement secondary in a council estate. The teaching was amazing. The after school support was amazing. But the head mistress was gobby and often got on the wrong side of OFSTED & they tended to punish her for it despite the school having the highest GCSE pass rates in the county. OFSTED is a quango. Their ratings are only to be used as a guide and even then only reflect operations on a single day and it's not infallible, the real proof is in the quality of the teaching and the results.

Ugh, mother cares about her child, always the first to get shot down on MN

So, Iwasjust, does that mean that every mother who accepts anything other than an Ofsted outstanding nursery doesn't care about their children? Seriously

Or could it be that they correctly recognise that the "Outstanding" label absolutely isn't the be-all and end-all?

I agree with you OP.
I think the other Mum is unreasonable on a couple of counts.

1. I don't know the age of the kid, but I prefer child minders for very young ones anyhow (Not the point of the thread I know!)
2. Putting too much store by Ofsted for all the reasons touched on above.
3. The comment about council estate kids. I would find that very difficult to get over to be honest. I hate casual snobbery and I would pretty much write off everyone that comes out with it.

In real life I would probably not say anything to her- but I would be inwardly rolling my eyes.

Your acquaintance sounds like a terrible snob.

Assuming "scarred for life" was her being funny, and ecluding the comments about council houses, I don't really have a problem with her looking for an Outstanding nursery. Our kids' first one was rated outstanding and they were bloody brilliant. Everything was easy with them, the kids you could tell felt very safe and secure with them, and when we left I remember reading DD1's folder of all the stuff she'd done with her key worker and there was just so much love and attention in it that I felt even more guilty than before about taking them out! (We were emigrating). I've never seen a childcare setting as good.