To think parents should buy on behalf of kids....

[coconuttella]

.... until they're about 10, involving them from primary school age where possible, and to encourage and remind them to do so after that until they become self-sufficient in their teens (hopefully).

It's no wonder there are so many people (ok, almost exclusively men) out there who are so rubbish at remembering, organising and getting presents/cards if the behaviour is never modelled and taught by parents in their childhood, as exemplified by the 'but he's not their mother' comments on all the Mothers' Day threads.

Or maybe we should all just cut out the consumer crap and not buy endless tat for christmas, birthdays, mothers day etc

Surely it would be better to teach our children to value each other with words and gestures rather than endless consumerism that accompanies any 'celebration'

Doesn't have to expensive stuff or tat, but it's a sad state if we never mark occasions (anniversaries, birthdays etc) of those close to us by even getting so much as a card.

amber 👏

We were never 'allowed' to buy anything for our mum for Mothers' Day. She always says she doesn't want anything more than a card and a flower picked from the garden.

Let's stop making every occasion about purchasing things.

'Buy' what, then (as per your title)?

You don't even need to buy a card. Kids can make one (and most mums would probably prefer it).

So all dads really have to do is remind them. If that, since it's been splashed everywhere in the weeks leading up by shops hoping to make a quid

Why? Lots of people don't like or want cards. Cards are outmoded.

I often don't even open cards. If I do open them they go straight into the recycling after I look at them. What a waste of resources and money.

OK, buy something, make something, do something special.... the point is that it's by modelling and encouraging this with and for children that they'll stand a good chance of being a thoughtful person.... Maybe some on here would prefer we abandon all 'special days' and mark nothing, but most people aren't like that.

Completely agree, op. It doesn't have to be buying stuff, but you do have to teach children to acknowledge occasions. I often wonder, when I see a ' but you're not his mother' post, how those posters imagine a child learns these things.

I often don't even open cards.

How rude and ungrateful! You'd never know if they wrote something thoughtful and personal inside, and you can't even be bothered to open it up and read it!

You don't open cards?? How many gift vouchers and cash gifts have you binned j wonder

I think people wittering on about how rubbish cards are are purposely missing the point that the OP is making, which is that some women feel massively unappreciated by their husbands who won't even take the trouble to help a child pick a couple of daisies for their mother once a year, thereby perpetuating the cycle of people growing up to think that there are people, usually women, who don't deserve some kindness or consideration.

I often wonder, when I see a ' but you're not his mother' post, how those posters imagine a child learns these things.

It was some posters being grumpy with their husbands that they fussed their own mothers instead of them.

amber, the point is to write something thoughtful in the card.

A £4 card with 'To mum, love Henry' stuck on a present is a waste of £, I agree.

A handmade card with a heartfelt message that is the gift, is not.

Absolutely . doesn't have to be expensive Or endless tat . My ds will happily spend his pocket money on a gift for his dad me or Gran on a birthday for example . I never let him ( he's still very young and gets the odd 50p to save in his piggy bank) but il buy and he will take the time to write a card and make a picture and wrap the present . He gets plenty on birthdays etc and I'm glad he also enjoys doing the same for others

And yy to the "but your not his mother" posts

Just let the 4 year old toddle off to the shops themselfs then ??

Why would a 4yr old want to purchase something from a shop anyway?

Surely they'd enjoy making a card or a picture themselves?

I think some people's expectations have gone through the roof, reading some of the ungrateful posts over the weekend.

And yes, a bit consumerist mad.

They might want to get their mum some favourite chocolate or something .

Sod being a Martyr about it all . I'm happy for the chocolates !

point is that it's by modelling and encouraging this with and for children that they'll stand a good chance of being a thoughtful person

No, that's day to day modelling, things you do all the time, ooh look some flowers, do you think mum would like some? Auntie Bob's favourite chocolate, they're visiting tomorrow, I'll get some in. etc. etc.

Just modelling being thoughtful, giant effort on the occasion, teaches other things too - that it doesn't matter if you're not thoughtful other times, and that if someone forgets/is depressed/is broke/whatever and can't live up to your expectations they don't care about you.

Model and teach thoughtfulness and niceness, and that includes thinking the reason someone didn't do something is reasonable, but of course teach them also that it's important that the thought is shown elsewhere so you don't bring up a doormat.

Big deals about occasions because of the obligation of the "occasion^ - not what a nice thoughtul person is.

I'm sure op doesn't mean only make an effort on big occasions

But I do think it's nice to encourage children to think of others as well in terms of celebrating birthdays for example .

I mean Let's be honest how many times do women post on here that their dp has got then either nothing or some last minute petrol station shite for their birthday . The story always seems to go they put lots of effort Into everyone else's birthdays and yet themselfs can't get one thoughtful ( not expensive ) gift from their dp after years of marriage the usual tripe from the dp being they don't know what to get/ their rubbish at buying gifts blah blah

I'm so with you, sirfred 👍

I'm with Amber - t

But I do think it's nice to encourage children to think of others as well in terms of celebrating birthdays for example

Sure clumsyduck but you can do that any time, and also make sure you're really thinking of others. The breakfast in bed thread recently was a real eye opener for me, so many mothers hated it, but did it for their kids. Rather than help their kids know that they wouldn't enjoy it, and what they would like is some other thoughtful thing/event/something to show that appreciation.

Encourage actual thought on what individuals like, not just meet the superficial obligations that is the lowest common denominator that lots of society suggest - like breakfast in bed on mothers day, a red rose on valentines, a golf mug on fathers day etc.

sirfred

What makes you think I think beings thoughtful on an occasion (and yes, that doesn't need necessarily to be a purchase), gives you an excuse to be thoughtless the rest of the time.

In my experience, those who remember birthdays/anniversaries etc are also the same people who are the most thoughtful the rest of the time. I bet the average Dad who organised Mothers Day stuff for his children is more thoughtful the rest of the year than the Dad who couldn't be bothered/forgot about Mother's Day.

Encourage actual thought on what individuals like, not just meet the superficial obligations that is the lowest common denominator that lots of society suggest

I do thoroughly agree with this though.

amberdillyduck: Why? Lots of people don't like or want cards. Cards are outmoded

Just because you don't like them doesn't mean it's universal. Lots of people, myself included, love getting cards. Some of us even (gasp!) Keep the cards for months or years.

I often don't even open cards. If I do open them they go straight into the recycling after I look at them. What a waste of resources and money

How utterly ungrateful. I wonder how many enclosed gift vouchers or cash you've literally thrown away.