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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any mothers days present is a privilege not a right

89 replies

cheesyinkent · 26/03/2017 14:05

So several unhappy MD threads today, shock horror. Any thread on inheritance always goes on about its not a right. Can't the same apply to mothers day?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/03/2017 16:51

Well, are there any posts from people complaining that they didn't get a specific present, or not?

PicturesOfYou · 26/03/2017 16:53

Yes.

PicturesOfYou · 26/03/2017 16:53

But that isn't necessarily why the OP started this one.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/03/2017 16:54

bibbity you're just trying to be difficult. The thread is about the general attitudes some people on here have about Mother's Day. Not one specific thread. That's clear.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/03/2017 17:00

No, I am not trying to be difficult.

My argument is that I haven't seen anyone saying a Mother's Day present is their right.

I haven't seen anyone saying they didn't get a particular Pandora charm or whatever.

I have seen other more subtle moans and complaints and I do not agree that individuals need to be shushed. Let them have their say - don't shut them up. Saying it is all about greed/martydom/narcissism is just intentionally misrepresenting a proposition that is set up because it is easier to defeat than an opponent's real argument.

Yes, the number of threads is a bit tedious but it happens all the time on Mumsnet, multiple threads on the same subject.

KeepingitReal2 · 26/03/2017 17:01

I blame Facebook Grin

Mysteriouscurle · 26/03/2017 17:01

I only ask that I dont spend the day runnning round like a blue arsed fly trying to do everything. That happened a few times ago many years ago and I made my unhappiness clear to dh. Dc was too young to do much at that point. Now I get a token present and we usually go out for lunch. I wouldnt mind not going out for lunch but this is one day that I insist on being relaxing so it would be something easy like heating up pizza.

PutThatPomBearBack · 26/03/2017 18:07

Bippity sorry to burst your bubble but yes, there is a thread Grin

pointythings · 26/03/2017 18:09

I think it is about appreciation. If you feel unappreciated all year round and then nothing on Mother's Day then it will hurt. If you don't feel unappreciated then it just doesn't matter as much. We don't do either Mother's Day or Father's Day in our family, we just try to be decent to each other all year round.

I did get an offer of unlimited hugs from my teenage DDs, and I have taken massive advantage - better than chocs and cards any day. Grin

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 26/03/2017 18:29

MN is always fun on Mother's Day. Plenty moaning about the gift not being right, the card not good enough, that their DH wants to see his own mother god forbid.

We choose to become parents, if you begrudge playing taxi, feeding them etc then maybe parenthood wasn't the right option for you. Surely you parent to th best of your ability as it's the right thing to do not to get a gift once a year.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/03/2017 18:35

In which case, PomBear, this is a taat!

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2017 18:44

It's not a taat because there is more than one thread where the OP has the attitude that this OP is talking about.

In fact every single Mother's day, there are quite a few posters who have the attitude that the OP is talking about.

corythatwas · 26/03/2017 18:45

pointythings Sun 26-Mar-17 18:09:20
"I think it is about appreciation. If you feel unappreciated all year round and then nothing on Mother's Day then it will hurt. If you don't feel unappreciated then it just doesn't matter as much."

This. A card or box of chocolates takes on symbolic meaning if there is something there for it to be symbolic of.

I always assume that people who post about feeling unappreciated post because they are, in fact, feeling unappreciated. And as someone who feels appreciated most of the time, I imagine that would be quite hard.

PutThatPomBearBack · 26/03/2017 18:50

No it's not Bippity as there are a variety of threads of the same nature

Thurlow · 26/03/2017 19:30

Others have it right - if you feel completely unappreciated all year around then Mother's Day probably does feel like a big deal. However if you feel quite comfortable, or you don't do absolutely everything around the house yourself, then you're bound to be less bothered. But in the first situation there's clearly much bigger problems in the relationship.

I imagine most people sit in the middle where a card or some flowers is nice, but not the be all and end all.

MrsCobain · 26/03/2017 19:33

YABU. I constantly put everyone else before myself since ds has been born. Not moaning about it at all but I'm very happy that I get spoilt today. I can see why others feel sad that someone hasn't done the bare minimum to show their appreciation.

MrsCobain · 26/03/2017 19:35

I haven't actually read any of the threads though. Grin

I had a handmade card, coffee in bed and everyone is joining me for a walk without moaning and that's what I'm happy about. Being pissed you didn't get a present is a little daft but hey ho.

HelenaGWells · 26/03/2017 20:29

I can understand some people feeling upset if the day hasn't even been acknowledged, with a hug or a 'Happy Mother's Day'. But the 'I don't like my present' threads and the 'Mother's Day tat' threads make me sick. If my kids were that ungrateful I'd tell them about themselves. I can't believe some adults act that way.

Worra sums it up here tbh. It is good to acknowledge it but cards and gifts aren't everything. Lots of the women who get stressed are women who are never appreciated so I can understand that but a lot are just really entitled and spoilt.

DixieNormas · 26/03/2017 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Livelovebehappy · 26/03/2017 20:51

Best thing to do is keep off Facebook. Its a huge day for braggers, whereby you get someone saying their DH has bought them an expensive piece of jewellery from the DCs, and done all the housework before bringing DW breakfast in bed of course. This is then followed up by DH whisking the family off to a very expensive restaurant on a river bank somewhere really nice for lunch. The bunch of daffodils and slice of toast you were presented with that morning, which you were more than happy with pre Facebook, then don't seem quite as great somehow.

carabos · 26/03/2017 20:54

DS2 is away this weekend but came over to spend time with me on Thursday. He brought me a bunch of tulips and a head cold Hmm. DS1 spent the afternoon with me today and gave me a card and the opportunity to do mothering, which I don't often do now they are adults. It was lovely but I could do without the cold.

BusterGonad · 27/03/2017 07:19

Livelove you are right. Facebook is a crock of poo in my book. Full of people bragging about how great their life is, so much so that I don't think they've actually got one! 😂

AnneTwacky · 27/03/2017 08:57

Sorry OP, I think yabu and rather self righteous.

There are some posts that seemed ungrateful but also some of the issues posted about have more to do with people feeling unappreciated. Days like Mother's day can highlight this, so I can understand people feeling down.

peachgreen · 27/03/2017 09:04

I had a miscarriage last year and am now struggling to conceive. It makes me so angry to see people complaining about their Mother's Day gifts. They're so fortunate to have children and should be grateful for what they have. If I'm lucky enough to have kids Mother's Day will be banned from our house - it's such a horrible day for so many people.

GlitterGlue · 27/03/2017 09:09

I have posted to moan that I didn't get anything. I feel massively unappreciated. It's the final straw, not so much a whinge that I didn't get an expensive gift - I'd have been more than happy with a token gift.