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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any mothers days present is a privilege not a right

89 replies

cheesyinkent · 26/03/2017 14:05

So several unhappy MD threads today, shock horror. Any thread on inheritance always goes on about its not a right. Can't the same apply to mothers day?

OP posts:
Zhabr · 26/03/2017 15:18

Got a nice card which says "Thank you for doing all the work around the house". Very happy with that and a bouquet of flowers.
But could do without and that would not spoil my day or my mood.
I stopped celebrating International Women's day years ago but did not get into Mother's Day properly. My mother lives in another country and she is blissfully unaware about it.

Thingywhatsit · 26/03/2017 15:23

I've had nothing but a hug off my two yr old. Have spent the morning ironing and the washing machine has been on 3 times already! Am waiting to pick up teen on camp, he has been messing about on Facebook but hasn't bothered to send me a text. I expect my only gift will be dirty washing off him and grumpiness from lack of sleep!!!!! ita just another day to be fair. Don't bother getting upset over it now......

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 26/03/2017 15:24

Well the cat got me the sum total of fuck all.........
She's the closest I've got to children aside from the positive test and the 8 weeks scan picture in my bedside drawer.

I want to get all the complaining women and bang all their heads together.

Impatientwino · 26/03/2017 15:29

It's my first Mother's Day without my second son. I'd give anything for him to be here but instead I visited him at the graveyard. I did get a lovely card from my first son and the best cuddle this morning.

People who's biggest complaint today is a shoddy present are truly lucky IMO.

ToadsforJustice · 26/03/2017 15:30

I chose to have DC. I don't expect to be thanked. I believe that Mothering Sunday has turned into a load of commercial shite. I don't want my DC wasting their money on overpriced pieces of card and daffodils.

CoolJazz · 26/03/2017 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreylady · 26/03/2017 15:33

I am a loved and loving mother and grandma. I always have a card on MD but never expect or receive anything else. I have lovely presents for birthday and Christmas but MD is just an acknowledgment of love given and received.

CoolJazz · 26/03/2017 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 15:44

I think some people are treating it like another birthday or something. I've always had a card, when she was younger , hand made. This year for the first time I was sent a bouquet of flowers with a text saying happy early Mother's Day. Then another text this morning and she's on her way home from uni now. Which is a happy coincidence. I'm cooking her a roast dinner as I write this.

I genuinely didn't expect flowers and I was so touched, I burst into tears
However every single year I burst into tears because she always writes something on her card like you are the best mum ever and I love you, etc etc

I simply cannot imagine getting her card and saying well that's a bit shit I wanted more. Why didn't you buy me something. Or being given a personalised gift and saying that's not the one I wanted and crying.

I can't even get my head round it. These threads are not from women saying my children forgot. These threads are from women saying my children remembered and made an effort, but it's not good enough for me. I want more.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 26/03/2017 15:44

Its strange isn't it, not only have a read very childish threads about Mother's Day on here but I've had it from friends today too things like,

I only got a card, well what was you wanting?
I told dh not to get a present so he didn't Confused
I got a present but it wasn't the one I wanted
I didn't really like the flowers
I like chocolates but not the ones they brought
He spent money on his mums presents but got me nothing ( from a friend with no dc) well love that's because it's Mother's Day and your his wife not his mother
They brought me presents at the last minute, why does that matter? I brought my mums card yesterday but it doesn't mean I didn't love her does it

It's my first Mother's Day and I got cheesecake for breakfast and a "on your first Mother's Day" card and dh put dd handprints inside. All I was hoping for was a card and I like to keep cards in my memory box.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/03/2017 15:53

I don't think I've seen anyone suggesting that a card/gift/thoughtful gesture on Mother's Day is a right. Just that it would be nice.

Women are hugely underappreciated and taken for granted. Too right they should be thanked and hugged every now and then!

Only a selfish arse can't have noticed that here is a chance to make actions speak louder than words and actually show their love and admiration with a small token of appreciation.

Anyone telling another Mumsnetter to stop bleating about her unhappiness needs to have a word with themselves. They are buying wholesale into the message "Women, don't complain, don't be unhappy, don't make other people feel uncomfortable. Put up and shut up".

Trainspotting1984 · 26/03/2017 15:55

What a load of horse shit. It's Mother's Day, of course a mother has every right to expect a present. If you're a fucking terrible mother then you won't get one, and you don't deserve one. But the vast majority of women are excellent mothers with thoughtless children or partners

TheFirstMrsDV · 26/03/2017 15:55

Its the same at Christmas.
Bloody appalling.

BUT
NOT
ALL

There are genuine reasons that women feel sad on MD and they should be able to start a thread to talk about. I think people should read properly and think a bit before deciding.

MD is difficult for lots of reasons.

Moaning about cards and presents not being enough or right is crass though.

Trainspotting1984 · 26/03/2017 15:59

People often moan about silly things but there is far more going on deep down. Don't take it at face value

dataandspot · 26/03/2017 15:59

Totally agree with bibbitybobbity.

gluteustothemaximus · 26/03/2017 16:01

I'm not worried by cards/presents/flowers.

I am a mother, and I feel lucky, just by being a mum.

I feel desperately sorry for any mothers who have lost their children Flowers

Otherwise, just enjoying a nice family day. Have 2 homemade cards from the kids, and the sun is shining. We're going to sit in the garden and have a picnic for tea. Doesn't get better than that Smile

Hellmouth · 26/03/2017 16:05

I agree with you OP, which is why I don't focus so much on one day. I focus on how DP treats me now, and how DS will treat me when he's older (he's only 8 months old).

We're exhausted cos DS kept us up all night, and we're on the beginning of a 4 hour drive back home, but I couldn't be happier because I spent the last two days with my boys :) I didn't get a fancy present and lunch is a crunchie lol

Crispsheets · 26/03/2017 16:06

I don't like being told that on a certain day i need to be thanked because I'm a mother. Or eat turkey on December 25th because "it's traditional".
I know my DC's love me. Don't need them saying it on a random day.

Pinkheart5915 · 26/03/2017 16:08

A few of the Mother's Day threads today did get cards or presents the poster just didn't think they were good enough. Why isn't a card and a cuddle from you child enough?

Like fuck does a mother have a right to expect a gift as it's Mother's Day? why? If your child gave you a card and cuddle OR remembered in anyway who sits there with a face like a slapped arse and sulks because no gift as they have a RIGHT to one don't you know

2 out of 3 of my babies are alive and here with me today we had pancakes and a card this morning and this afternoon has been focused on my own Mum & mil.

Crumbs1 · 26/03/2017 16:13

It's absolutely a privilege and not a right. I'm delighted if my children choose to remember me on Mothering Sunday but if they don't it really doesn't matter. I chose to have them without any notion that they would be required to show gratitude at any point in the future. The privilege is in being a mother not in getting cards.
Incidentally, it's Mothering Sunday and is another Christian celebration that is always 4th Sunday in Lent when young servants returned to their mother church with their families.

PicturesOfYou · 26/03/2017 16:43

Anyone telling another Mumsnetter to stop bleating about her unhappiness needs to have a word with themselves. They are buying wholesale into the message "Women, don't complain, don't be unhappy, don't make other people feel uncomfortable. Put up and shut up".

Nonsense, I think it's more that stamping your feet and crying about not getting the exact Pandora charm you wanted, or whatever, does sound incredibly childish. It's just terribly unbecoming behaviour of anyone male/female; mummy or daddy.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/03/2017 16:44

Is this a thread about another thread then? If so it should be deleted.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/03/2017 16:46

If op has seen a post on here where someone complained about not getting something in particular for Mothers Day, and she has started this thread off the back of it, then it should go.

PicturesOfYou · 26/03/2017 16:46

I think you are missing the point with some posts, its not all about presents, it is about wanting those who you would cheerfully die for, just giving you a hug and making the effort to be with you for the day without being asked.

I wouldn't "cheerfully die" for anyone, tbh. Perhaps I don't feel that I need special treatment on this day because I don't spend the rest of the year martyring myself...

PicturesOfYou · 26/03/2017 16:47

I don't think it's a TAAT, I was just using the Pandora charm as an example.