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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to resign?

31 replies

Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 12:33

I had a complete meltdown at work last week and I feel so embarrassed. I think that I will have to resign. I am worried about saying too much and outing myself but I think that I was definitely justified being upset however my reaction was out of proportion and timing was not good. I now feel rubbish. Do I ride it out or do I have no option but to resign in order to save my blushes????? Can't really afford to lose my job but how to carry on???? Help.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 12:36

Ride it out, in s few weeks no one will remember,

However you probably need to provide context. If you were screaming in the office , crying and threatening to punch people out, probably better to look for another job.

Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 12:47

No not screaming in front of whole staff. Just at one member of the team - but this person is senior to me. This person is having a difficult time at the moment but it just so happens that their comments triggered the upset. There is no question that people have behaved thoughtlessly but why couldn't I just risen above it like I have done up until now?? I think that the fact that I have just bitten my tongue up until now resulted in the blowout being even bigger.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 26/03/2017 12:50

I wouldn't resign over this. Yes you will have the 'fear' for a little while but if everything else is going ok with work - i.e. support, competence etc then there's no need to resign. Not least because you say you can't afford it.
Fear not.

rollonthesummer · 26/03/2017 12:51

You were screaming at someone more senior than you?

Why? How was it resolved?

Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 12:59

The person accepted that I was right and said that I should have brought it up earlier. I still feel like shit though and feel I my reaction was both unprofessional and untimely. I think that sometimes when you internalise something for ages when you do let it out it just seems so out of proportion to the actual event.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 26/03/2017 12:59

Has anything been said since the incident? if not then I would just watch and wait and keep a very low profile. I have had minor meltdowns at work where I have cried and got angry about situations but then I work in a very pressured/ emotive line of work where there are frequently very difficult situations to handle and management are very understanding because of the nature of the work. last week two collegues were shouting at each other as the stress of a situation got too much and they were quietly spoken to but not threatned with a disciplinary or anything.

thebakerwithboobs · 26/03/2017 13:00

Don't resign, apologise. A senior worth their salt will be as concerned about you as you are about the situation if it was out of character. Depending on how bad it is, email an apology and ask for a face to face. Apologise, explain yourself-if it makes you feel better, offer that person your resignation but I doubt they'll accept it. Be kind to yourself and it usually leads to you be kind to others.

Babyroobs · 26/03/2017 13:00

Have you apologised to the person concerned and talked it through? If so then no I would not resign over this but just take steps to make sure it doesn't get to the point again where you blow up.

Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 13:05

Thanks. Yes I have now apologised. The person has been so kind and is looking at changes that could be made so that I don't feel like this again. I think that you are right I need to speak up straight away if something is bothering me so that it doesn't get to this stage again. Still feel so shit and embarrassed about the whole thing.

OP posts:
SorrelSoup · 26/03/2017 13:08

I think most people have some kind of "meltdown" at work at some point in their life. Sounds like its been dealt with well. It will pass and be forgotten about. You could look at assertiveness courses etc.

Babyroobs · 26/03/2017 13:09

Please don't resign it sounds like you have supportive collegues. The embarrassment will lessen over time.

Katie0705 · 26/03/2017 13:09

I would apologize but not resign. Explain what triggered your distress.

Good luck

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 13:10

Honestly, time is a great healer. Just keep your head down and move past it, it will be fine. It's funny how quickly these things are forgotten.

Megatherium · 26/03/2017 13:12

No need to resign. It sounds like you've cleared the air and no-one is holding it against you. Just make it clear that you've learnt from this and wouldn't deal with the same situation in the same way again.

FeralBeryl · 26/03/2017 13:13

This is good! Ok, so the way to the fact was less than ideal Wink but the end result is that you were right. You have been heard. It will be ok.
The person concerned has accepted your apology. Whatever the issue was will now be resolved, AND you got a free life lesson in not bottling shit up until it affects you to such an explosive finale. You'll be grand Flowers

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/03/2017 13:15

It sounds like the person has been understanding and is looking at how to make things better so no, don't resign. All will be forgotten in a few days.

FWIW I found a colleague in years the other day (she is slightly senior to me). All I felt sad concern for her and if I could help in any way. I certainly don't think any less of her.

Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 13:16

I am in tears here. Thank you. You are all so kind. You are right ' This too will pass' I need to hold my head up and move on! Whilst working on ensuring that it doesn't happen again. Assertiveness course sounds like a very good idea!

OP posts:
Singlelady · 26/03/2017 13:20

Hi OP
I had a meltdown at work the other week and resigned but only because the situation wasn't going to get better.

Out of proportion or not we all have our moments and as long as the senior member of staff accepts your apology and is willing to work with you to make things better I wouldn't be leaving. You know you maybe could have handled or prevented the situation better which means you have learned something and hey maybe the other member of staff has too and there is no harm done. Smile

Floralnomad · 26/03/2017 13:26

Don't resign , use it as a learning experience , you've apologised , apologies been accepted - it's finished with .

Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 13:26

Thanks Singlelady. I am so sorry to hear that you had to resign. Flowers

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 26/03/2017 13:27

Definitely dont resign. It sounds like your concerns were justified if they are making changes. Just apologise for the outburst and seek better ways to get your point across. Why didn't you say anything before?

Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 13:29

You are right Floralnomad. I need to stop replaying it and just move on. I can't turn the clock back. Thinking of it as a learning experience makes it seem almost positive!

OP posts:
Original poster
Willhavetoresign · 26/03/2017 13:34

PatsyPrincess - I suppose I have just been bottling my emotions and feelings up until now thinking that some one would realise that the situation was thoughtless and unfair. Comments made this week ( for whatever reason) just pushed me over the edge😢

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 26/03/2017 13:37

Just apologise and move on. Ok you may feel awful but at least the person senior to you has made changes.

Sometimes people get upset at work. No biggie.

picklemepopcorn · 26/03/2017 13:44

How about sending a card thanking colleague for their understanding, and saying you will be working on managing your frustrations in a more productive way?