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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are you sure you're single???

118 replies

ShitIForgotToUntick · 26/03/2017 09:39

Letter from DWP asking me to consider whether I'm really single!? Been claiming CTC as a single parent for 8 years. Have been single for 8 years, and happily so. Am just agahst at the bloody cheek. It's almost as if they can't quite believe a woman could possibly live without a man. As you can see the letter details what constitutes a 'relationship', just in case i was confused Hmm. It then follows up with a vague threat of penalties, you know, just in case i was thinking about lying Angry Needless to say it is now in the bin. I mean surely there isn't a woman alive who isn't aware of whether she is in a relationship or not? I am aware there are people out there who will be committing benefit fraud but i would guess those people would be unlikely to respond to such a letter anyway.
AIBU to find this bloody cheeky not to mention an insult to my intelligence?

Are you sure you're single???
OP posts:
doublesnap · 26/03/2017 13:28

I was just talking to my father about this, he thinks it's perfectly reasonable for a person with a boyfriend not to be able to claim tax credits even if they just meet up once a week at the pub I didn't ask him about if he comes round once a week for more intimate fun Shock

Tralalaland · 26/03/2017 13:41

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SWOTAnalysis · 26/03/2017 13:44

I've never lived on government handouts but from my limited understanding, I would have not been so sure what constitutes a relationship. "...on/off... sometimes living together" would not have been a relationship in my mind. The part about informing one government department of your relationship status but needing to inform them all may not have crossed my mind.

I think you're unreasonable to be annoyed that you were sent correspondence highlighting some rules which I suspect not everyone is aware of.

There's no such thing as a free lunch, as my grandmother would say.

donajimena · 26/03/2017 15:27

This is quite worrying. I'm engaged but don't live with my fiancé owing to the fact I rent he owns a family home which he lives in with his girls 50% of the time. No room for us...
No possibility of buying together as (rightly) supporting his children leaves him stretched. We don't share finances at all.
I wouldn't know what to answer if I had that letter. I mean engaged is hardly single is it?
But our households are very single.
I hope not to receive one!

BillSykesDog · 26/03/2017 15:32

YABU. How would you feel if you ended up in financial hardship having to pay back overpayment or even worse being prosecuted because the rules had not been properly explained to you?

You might feel that you understand the rules but not everybody does.

VestalVirgin · 26/03/2017 15:38

In the old days it was really about sex. If you were shagging someone you were classed as 'in a relationship' because, you know, men pay one way or another for sex. I was just hoping we'd got past this and that those women who were single parents could shag and still get benefits.

If prostitution was legalized in the UK (as currently, I think it isn't?) would that mean that johns would have to pay a specified sum (as much as the prostituted woman could claim in benefits) each month? Considering how the prices have sunken in Germany after legalisation, that could well be a better deal for the prostitute than the prices she could demand.

I mean, if having sex regularly counts as being in a relationship ...

(I know, I know, they'd just cut the prostitute's benefit, regardless of whether she makes enough money to live on. But, in theory, and in a fair world ...)

doublesnap · 26/03/2017 15:38

This is quite worrying. I'm engaged but don't live with my fiancé owing to the fact I rent he owns a family home which he lives in with his girls 50% of the time. No room for us...
No possibility of buying together as (rightly) supporting his children leaves him stretched. We don't share finances at all.

Have you booked the wedding? If you are planning to get married then you are a couple surely? If you aren't planning to get married (and I can't see how if you can't live together) then why are you engaged?

donajimena · 26/03/2017 16:16

We are planning to get married but not for a few years. We can't at the moment for the reasons above but circumstances will change in a few years. Not that its really any of your business. But I'll be sure to keep you informed of my circumstances.

Really, Nosy Rosie, there are so many variables. I'm due to qualify as something in the next 18mths which will see my income sky rocket so there you go! Happy now?

bakewelltarty · 26/03/2017 16:21

Small - I think your initial response to me shows that you did indeed take my comments as a criticism of you as it was all about you.

To be honest, if you are of working age, working or not and on benefits that you could not live without, then you are financially dependent on them.

In the same way that a traditional sahm Is financially dependant on her other half. I don't see any shame on being financially dependent on a man in this case and think it's weird that you would think this somehow less acceptable than benefits.

If you are entitled to CTC of course you can claim it. I can think of better ways of amusing myself but if that's your thing, fill your boots.

deardarlingg · 26/03/2017 16:33

Bakewell - why are you even on this post if it doesn't concern you

Goggleboggle · 26/03/2017 17:00

People like my friend is the reason why tax credits send out these letters. She claims as a single person but she's in a relationship with the father of her three kids. She lives in a council association house and gets the majority of her rent paid and he lives a couple of streets down at his father's house rent free. They still share finances, cars, he pays her bills etc and the extra money they "save" from them both not having to pay rent and her getting extra benefits means they can afford luxuries that a lot of people can't. He sleeps there half the time and does jobs around her home and even her family have become suspicious but because he technically lives somewhere else ie he's registered on the electoral role at his father's house, they get away with it.

bakewelltarty · 26/03/2017 17:38

Dear - last time I looked it was a free country and I can post what I like.

You obviously know me personally if you know 'this doesn't concern me' Hmm

EnormousTiger · 26/03/2017 18:02

The family and friends see you as a couple one would worry me as a lawyer as you might have some occasional lover you haul out for weddings and funerals but they are just that. They don't stay over. They don't pay for anything.

We have made far too many people tax credit claimants in the UK - Blair did that - he wanted to tie people into the system as claimants and it has not been to most people advantage. We need to change the system. New single person tax allowance coming in and higher minimum wage might help for a start.

Rubix77 · 27/03/2017 08:36

I think its terrible myself. I looked into this a while ago when I moved in with my boyfriend and I was on an unemployment benefit. The rules for what does and doesn't count as a partner and very vague. They are kept vague on purpose because the dwp or hmrc think that if they laid it all out people would do just as much as they were allowed which might be a fair point but by not telling us exactly what counts as a "partner" they make it difficult for innocent people who might find themselves on the wrong side of the law or an hmrc investigator without really understanding what they have done wrong.

This letter makes it look like anyone you are dating could be considered a partner which is clearly crazy. I dated my boyfriend for a while before I moved in with him and he was prepared to take financial responsibility for me while I was not working. If after the third date the government has said he had to start supporting me and that I would lose all benefit I doubt very much we would have continued to see each other, that is way to soon to expect that kind of financial entanglement, six months is probably too soon for that!

The above would be even more crazy if your a single parent relying on tax credits and trying to date most relationships wouldn't get off the ground. It is quite frankly inhumane.

I agree that tax credits have acted as a subsidy to big business but to withdraw support suddenly or the current drastic reduction of welfare is too fast with no safeguards in place. I think the whole situation is very worrying especially at a time when jobs are disappearing and fewer of us can find full time or permenent work.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 27/03/2017 08:54

So ... let's say you have one child. You rent a three bedroom place and you let out the spare bedroom to a student who pays some rent but also does some care from-time-to time. It's a win-win situation for all concerned. Your washing machine breaks and the student knows another student who is selling one cheap and she buys it. You both use it, but she will either take it with her when she leaves or sell it to you for a fair price.

Let's say you are in a similar situation, but in a two-bedder, you in one, DC in another. You meet a man. He does not live with you, but he does 'stay over' (euphemism for 'you go at it like demented rabbits') two or more nights a week. He does not pay rent, but he might buy or cook dinner for you all maybe one a week.

Under which scenario would credits be lost and or would the state be interested? I'm confused!

TreeTop7 · 27/03/2017 09:14

I was told by a senior HMRC employee that undeclared partners were the largest cause of TC fraud last year. HMRC has a responsibility to ensure compliance and to make certain that funds go to those who really need them, hence these generic letters (plus targeted campaigns to high-risk claimants). The people who defraud HMRC are to blame for this - the system can probably support a small amount of genuine error and confusion, but not the amount of cheating that's been taking place.

Rubix77 · 27/03/2017 09:21

Yes TC / Benefit fraud is wrong but its the lack of clarity that is unfair for claiments but the government choose to have it that way so they can pick and choose what counts in any given situation.

EnormousTiger · 27/03/2017 09:28

Tree, I don't dispute that and indeed my suggestion above is higher wages and lower or no tax credits. However the law must be clear otherwise it's unfair on people.

Another part solution is make all these absent men pay up! It is their failure to do so that means full time single mother tax payers like I am end up in effect supporting these men's children.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 27/03/2017 09:46

Looks like someone is trying to cause trouble for you, I'm really sorry. Flowers People have way too much time on their hands.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 27/03/2017 09:53

I don't pay the mortgage or anything due to shit all money, my family call me the lodger, just to irritate me. I'll get some WineCake for you all later as im officially single by government standards.

I literally don't get a penny. If there was a rogue penny it will have been swooped on.

Nikkiblw · 10/04/2017 19:34

Good evening , just wondering if you rang them ? I got a letter today and panicked !! Thought I had done something wrong ! It is a disgusting letter !!! , I got on the phone to them and they said it's a random letter . What happened with you !! ?? X

Original poster
ShitIForgotToUntick · 10/04/2017 19:40

Hi nikki, no I just did as stated on the letter and binned it. Nothing's happened Smile. Really think they're just generated at random, well not completely random, being female and single seems to be a prerequisite Hmm.

OP posts:
Nikkiblw · 10/04/2017 19:48

Your so right , they target us single mums and it's disgusting !!! I work 16 hours and do my best and get these sort of letters ! I had to ring them for my own peace of mind , and the guy said to me it sounds like a random letter just checking that it's all correct x

Nikkiblw · 10/04/2017 19:48

Thanks for getting back to me x

brightspark2 · 10/04/2017 20:00

I would be so tempted to write back asking if they taxed by the inch and if so which bracket applied - and at what rate did an orgasm affect the change of circumstances....asking for full and complete clarification of the "in a couple but not financially entwined" - and to copy in my MP and local and national papers - just in time for the May by elections.