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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you sure you're single???

118 replies

ShitIForgotToUntick · 26/03/2017 09:39

Letter from DWP asking me to consider whether I'm really single!? Been claiming CTC as a single parent for 8 years. Have been single for 8 years, and happily so. Am just agahst at the bloody cheek. It's almost as if they can't quite believe a woman could possibly live without a man. As you can see the letter details what constitutes a 'relationship', just in case i was confused Hmm. It then follows up with a vague threat of penalties, you know, just in case i was thinking about lying Angry Needless to say it is now in the bin. I mean surely there isn't a woman alive who isn't aware of whether she is in a relationship or not? I am aware there are people out there who will be committing benefit fraud but i would guess those people would be unlikely to respond to such a letter anyway.
AIBU to find this bloody cheeky not to mention an insult to my intelligence?

Are you sure you're single???
OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 26/03/2017 10:29

They send out letters every so often, the computer picks out who gets them.

TheNaze73 · 26/03/2017 10:29

I think they're doing their best under tough circumstances. We all know of people not living where they say they do & not being on the electoral role.

Original poster
ShitIForgotToUntick · 26/03/2017 10:31

That's a relief to hear nanna and what i assumed. They are welcome to come sit outside my house for as long as they like. The only man they will see coming and going is my 70 year old dad!

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 26/03/2017 10:36

I haven't had a letter. But I can't remember the last time a man crossed the threshold. I could be in a lesbian relationship with my cleaner I suppose

Masketti · 26/03/2017 10:38

That last bullet point is a bunch of crap. So you've been dating someone for a couple of months. See each other a couple of times a week but don't live together or share finances but you have to declare them to HMRC?? You might break up a week later!! Surely it should be cohabiting or financially inter-dependent not dating!?

triedandrusted · 26/03/2017 10:39

I agree TheNaze. I know of one person who claimed to be a single parent for years despite actually living with the father of her child (who somehow managed to claim housing benefit and out of work benefits due to depression from the same address by saying that they weren't in a relationship - DWP never cottoned on to the child being his, perhaps, or maybe they just said it was the result of a one night mistake), and also another who has just managed to get a large housing association property based on being a single mother, and is cross about paying the 'bedroom tax' for the extra bedroom, but also pleased because the extra bedroom can be used for her partner's children when they stay over with him. Confused

NellyTimes · 26/03/2017 10:39

I received this too but assumed it was a standard letter. Is it not? I have been seeing someone for a few months who now stays over maybe once or twice a week but doesn't contribute financially in any way. Am now wondering if someone has reported me.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 26/03/2017 10:51

So you've been dating someone for a couple of months. See each other a couple of times a week but don't live together or share finances but you have to declare them to HMRC?? You might break up a week later!! Surely it should be cohabiting or financially inter-dependent not dating!?

This is the point I'm really stuck on - if I start seeing someone, do the whole "in a relationship" thing on FB, but they don't live with me, have no financial involvement in my life - would I have to tell the HMRC that?!

Tinkerbec · 26/03/2017 10:56

That is confusing me too.

So having a boyfriend who you aren't financially dependent counts if others see you as a couple as in dating?
Really?

FindoGask · 26/03/2017 10:57

I don't see a problem with this at all. It's an automated letter, they've obviously got some information which conflicts with what you've told them and they're checking you're claiming correctly. I receive quite a high rate of tax credits and recently had to send them an actual parcel of payslips, bank statements, employment contracts, childcare contracts, pension details, even birth certificates for my children. It was a massive ballache but it's nothing personal.

Masketti · 26/03/2017 10:59

I just can't see how it can! FWIW I'm married but I still think it's unfair to categorise a relationship as declarable to HMRC if it's just dating rather than 'commitment' as it were.

ShiroiKoibito · 26/03/2017 11:00

jesus christ on a bike!!

suppose we should be glad they'll not ask you to change your status if you have a one night stand

why the fuck should you have to tell HMRC if you start dating - thats just wrong

i agree that if you are inter-dependent financially that makes a difference, but really... meet up a couple of times a week to go for a drink/catch a film/have sex..... ffs

ohdoadoodoo · 26/03/2017 11:01

BS Hahahaha.

ShiroiKoibito · 26/03/2017 11:01

actual parcel of payslips, bank statements, employment contracts, childcare contracts, pension details, even birth certificates for my children.

did you have to tell them about the person you have been dating for a month or 2?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 26/03/2017 11:06

ShockShockShock at the last bullet point

friends and family may see you as a couple

Is that supposed to be some kind of oblique hint that friends/family may perceive a claimant to be on the fiddle if they're not as pure chaste as the driven slush at all times and report them for benefit fraud?

SleepFreeZone · 26/03/2017 11:07

This reminds me of a letter I received as part of my self employment tax package about 15 years ago, reminding me of what classes you self employed against employed. I.e. You set you own hours, you use your own tools etc etc. I realised I actually wasn't self employed in one job they were just pulling a fast one and I should have been employed instead. I went in there and told them if I didn't go on the books officially I had to leave and within a few weeks i was employed by them. So I can see how you can be kidding yourself your status is one thing and actually you are wrong.

Not st all convinced by a casual relationship meaning you are in essence living together though!! For all those people claiming who are very open on social media about the ins and outs of their lives, it might be worth being a little bit more conservative as you just don't know who is looking at that information.

user1482443190 · 26/03/2017 11:07

I think it's HMRC's replacement tactic to rile single parents now that Concentrix are defunct.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 26/03/2017 11:09

did you have to tell them about the person you have been dating for a month or 2?

And what do they define as "dating" anyway??

Is it going out for a nice meal, to the cinema, or does fornication have to be involved to seal the deal? And if it does, is there a certain number of times you have to have fucked for it to count?

I would have no qualms about belling up HMRC and asking.

FindoGask · 26/03/2017 11:13

"did you have to tell them about the person you have been dating for a month or 2?"

No, but then that's not what the letter says, is it.

HJG2011 · 26/03/2017 11:13

I received the same letter on Wednesday it has made me worry sick I have read all sorts of horror stories about things like this. I am a single parent but me and my ex get along we are just better off apart and he has his own place. He pays for the TV licence and Virgin Media (I am a full time student so it was a bill he was willing to pay for the children to have tv). So this would apparently show on his credit report which would be linked to my address, well I am hoping that it what it is because I can't think of any other reasons. I am going to call them on Monday to clarify as one bullet point mentions sharing of bills or expenses.

My letter was exactly the same and I feel so much more relieved now it looks generic more than anything, I was thinking because April is the new tax year maybe they are sending them out now to try and trick the fraudsters? In my personal opinion I think it is ridiculous and uses very accusing launguage!!

Hope this helps.

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/03/2017 11:14

Its ridiculous

Ive met someone but only seen them 3 times since Xmas. He's never stopped at my home. But they expect a joint tax credits claim?! I would have no idea what he earns. None of my business.

FindoGask · 26/03/2017 11:15

"But they expect a joint tax credits claim?! "

No, they don't.

Some people receive thousands of pounds a year in tax credits (I'm one of them). I don't see any problem in making sure they're being paid correctly.

bakewelltarty · 26/03/2017 11:18

I really don't see a problem with it to be honest.

They have a responsibility to ensure claimants are aware of the rules. At least then no one can use the 'I didn't realise' excuse.

A lot of people on here don't expect their partners to pick up the bill for them and their kids but expect the govt to hand it out with no questions asked.

By all means claim what you are entitled to but accept you have responsibilities under this arrangement too.

Original poster
ShitIForgotToUntick · 26/03/2017 11:18

friends and family may see you as a couple

I know, verybutchy, it's ridiculous. I have no desire or intention to date at the moment but even if i did i would never move a man in or share finances. I've been financially independent my entire adult life and intend to stay that way. It's the undertone of the letter that's bothered me i think.

OP posts:
mothertruck3r · 26/03/2017 11:20

Don't take it personally, it is a generic letter. I suppose it's aimed at people who are cheating the system so they send it to everyone in the hope that the few who are cheating will get nervous and not realise it has been sent to everyone.

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