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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to do this?

102 replies

Recaspell · 25/03/2017 14:19

I tried an experiment today and didnt want to mention it (and get slated) until i knew the results.
My ds does ballet (has done since 4 months) and tap. He has been enjoying the new class he is now in but not settled. Well we know why and did something about it.

He wants to be like all the others in the class.

And so he was and loved every minute. It was a fight to change him out of it.

There was comments made by older children but parents pulled them up and even credited us for it.

Not one person batted an eye in iceland or homebase.

My son is a boy through and through but want to be one of the class.

OP posts:
KungFuEric · 25/03/2017 17:00

I think everything can be traceable on the internet, yep. Theres many a thread that you could find, read and post on now from 10+ years ago on mumsnet.

Reverse image searches. You don't know who could have right clicked and saved that picture, maybe as a fun 'is this a boy or a girl?' game, maybe for any number of reasons.

if the image ended up on the daily mail or the sun, its not the kind of thing a 13 year old boy would appreciate his classmates finding.

Even if no one finds it, i still just think hes a young person and he didnt ask for his image to be shared.

fairy68 · 25/03/2017 17:01

Poor soul

Violetcharlotte · 25/03/2017 17:03

I'm sorry but I don't get this thing about making small boys wear dresses. I've seen a few Mums do
it on FB. To me it's all about the Mother saying 'look at me and how incredibly forward thinking I am'.
Sorry, but no. You're setting your son up to be ridiculed. If he decided when he's older he wants to dress as a woman, fine, that's his choice. It's great he's doing ballet if he enjoys it, but why not put him in the attire designed and worn by male ballet dancers? I just don't get it.

sobeyondthehills · 25/03/2017 17:08

My DS went through a phase of wanting to be Elsa. One time it was easier to do a quick run to the shops with him in an Elsa dress, fireman helmet and police wellington boots.

Now he just wants to be batman

Not sure, he would appreciate his photo being on an open forum though.

Even now with facebook I am getting more weary about posting his photo, god knows what technology is going to be available in 10/20 years when he is in work

SootSprite · 25/03/2017 17:20

OP, what are you hoping for from this thread? So your son likes ballet. Wow. Well done. You get an award.....erm.....nope.

As others have said, this says more about YOUR desire to be seen as progressive and inclusive etc etc

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2017 17:22

Perhaps being 'credited for it' by the other parents at the ballet class wasn't enough for the OP?

m0therofdragons · 25/03/2017 17:23

Attention seeking mother much?

Crumbs1 · 25/03/2017 17:32

See this where the problems start. Nothing wrong with boys doing ballet - mine did. Nothing wrong with little one wearing a dress for fun but putting him into a dress to 'fit in' seems to be forcing him down your choice of gender pathway. He's a boy and there is a boys ballet uniform. Nobody would give two figs if he was wearing the boys outfit not the girls. In our culture girls wear dresses. We need to teach our children gender norms as much as we need to teach them to use a knife and fork if you want to avoid mental illness later on. It's ridiculous to make him wear a dress but perfectly reasonable to let him wear one sometimes.

Mari50 · 25/03/2017 17:37

I just don't understand why you'd ever post a picture of your own child into a site that is full of total strangers and well known to be trolled the fuck out of.

Redyellowpinkblue · 25/03/2017 17:38

Oh good lord please at least blur the poor lads face Confused

KateDaniels2 · 25/03/2017 17:42

Making it a big deal out of how enlightened you are because your son wore a dress is no better than telling him he can't wear a dress.

Whats the big deal? Don't most boys want to wear a dress or something usually worn by girls or viewed as 'girly'? Mine did. Not a big deal. Let him wear it. No need for any fuss about it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/03/2017 17:45

Say what now OP?

Closedenv · 25/03/2017 17:45

OP years ago I can imagine what people would have said. Today it's a lot easier and the more people do it the easier. So nice your DS could do it without any horrible people sneering or commenting in a negative way.

pictish · 25/03/2017 17:53

I'm just stuck on doing ballet at 4 months old. How?

MyGastIsFlabbered · 25/03/2017 17:55

Pictish I don't think English is the OP's first language, she means he's been doing it for 4 months.

doublesnap · 25/03/2017 17:58

Even if no one finds it, i still just think hes a young person and he didnt ask for his image to be shared.

^ This

I don't share my children's pictures on any form of social media because they wouldn't want me to. I respect that as heaven only knows what will happen to them; I can't understand why anybody would TBH.

Littledrummergirl · 25/03/2017 18:00

It's great you have a boy who likes to dance. I have a ds who has done ballroom and latin for ten years now. He likes to fit in with the other dancers and so wears the appropriate outfit, like other male dancers (watch strictly come dancing for example ).

If he wants to wear a dress at a more appropriate time he doesn't then fine, it's his choice.

Beeziekn33ze · 25/03/2017 18:10

Stuff and Happypoo, yes, leotard uniform (underwear allowed however) for class. I came to the opinion that posture, discipline and following instructions were important lessons gained from all the money I spent on tap and ballet lessons at the well run school of dance. This applies whether they hope to be a professional dancer or not, its part of growing up.
The children were happy there but they only got near a tutu or some other costume when there was a show. Most little girls go to their first ballet class imagining themselves on points in a tutu but, sadly are soon disillusioned!
OP's son will be quite happy in 20 years time on stag nights!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 25/03/2017 18:14

In our culture girls wear dresses

Well butter me backwards and call me a biscuit, I've been a boy all along! Where do I collect my penis please?

Crumbs1 · 25/03/2017 18:34

I don't recall saying girls have to wear dresses but the norm is most definitely that dresses are usually worn by females in the UK; to push your son into a female outfit and think you're enlightened is wrong - your creating an expectation of him that may lead to mental health issues when he struggles with gender indentity. All those trans advocates telling me gender is a socially created phenomenon are right and we need to make sure we create the right gender for children.

OnTheUp13 · 25/03/2017 18:53

Well butter me backwards and call me a biscuit, I've been a boy all along! Where do I collect my penis please?

You just won the internet Ovaries 😂👌🏼

helpfulperson · 25/03/2017 19:30

But it says in the OP that it was her son who wanted to dress like everyone else ie in a tutu. So she isn't forcing him. Why shouldn't he? We get far to hung up on what other people wear - why shouldn't boys (and men) wear dresses, skirts, pretty clothes etc. We'd reach gender equality and remove alot of the trans issues if people could just wear what they want.

PennyPickle · 25/03/2017 19:37

I am totally confused {confused] I think I had better read the full thread yet again. Hoping to gain some idea of what the thread is about (The third time around). Uh??

FumBluff1 · 25/03/2017 19:38

To be fair no one would comment or judge because surely they'd think he was a girl?

SparklyMagpie · 25/03/2017 20:08

" Well butter me backwards and call me a biscuit"

This has to be one of the best comments I've ever read