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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much is acceptable for a cash wedding gift?

79 replies

weddingopinionsplease · 25/03/2017 12:15

I've been invited to my brother's wedding in a few weeks. The invitation has a poem requesting cash towards the honeymoon instead of a present. My own wedding is 2 month after his, so money is fairly tight at the moment. Really tight, actually.

How much will be ok as the gift? My DP, our 2 DC (preschooler and toddler) and I makes 4 of us invited. My brother and his wife to be are much better off than us (and they know this) so I don't want to give too little as I'd feel embarrassed but obviously I don't want to give too much

I just don't know the etiquette regarding cash gifts, I haven't even mentioned gifts on my own wedding invitations because I'm clueless!

OP posts:

MrsGB2225 · 25/03/2017 16:01

£100

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/03/2017 16:02

£100 if you can afford it. Less if you can't. They know you can't so I'd probably go less as you're just about to get married. Or how about approaching him and saying you can't afford much and get/make a token gift with the dcs. If he loves you, he'll understand. That way, his bride2b don't have to get you much either. No pressure on both couples.

luckylucky24 · 25/03/2017 16:02

Not sure why people are so offended by people wanting money toward a honeymoon. How different is it to giving them a gift card?

I would give no more than £50 regardless of who the recipient was.

Helbelle75 · 25/03/2017 16:02

We said on ours that their company was all we wanted but most people gave a cash gift. We were overwhelmed by people's generosity to be honest, as we're well aware that it costs money to attend a wedding, and didn't expect anything.
I would say to give what you can afford, i'm sure they'll just be happy you are there with them.

Soubriquet · 25/03/2017 16:02

£100?

The most I would give is £20 and that's because that's all I could really afford to give

Which is why I would probably go out and buy something instead so it looks like I've spent more

KitKat1985 · 25/03/2017 16:04

Depends on a lot of factors. I gave £100 for a wedding where I was a bridesmaid, £50 for a close friend, but usually more like £20-30 for more casual friendships. I would give about £100 for a close relative like a brother. But if money is really tight, given that your own wedding is about 2 months after his, do you think he would be open to not exchanging gifts, as arguably whatever you gave him in cash is likely to be pretty equally spent by him in a couple of months when he attends your wedding anyway?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/03/2017 16:04

I love giving money as a wedding present. So much easier.

I'd say £100, but if you can't afford it then that's that. Give what you can afford.

ALittleMop · 25/03/2017 16:04

If I had a brother, and if I did assuming I got on with him, and my wedding was 2 months later than his, I'd ring him up and say how about I don't give you any money for your honeymoon and you don't buy me anything for mine?

expatinscotland · 25/03/2017 16:04

He knows you are hard up with 2 kids and he still sent you one of those tacky poems telling you to pay for his honeymoon? How crass.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/03/2017 16:05

Great idea LittleMop

blaeberry · 25/03/2017 16:09

We had a friend give us 2p for a wedding gift.... but she then 'sold' us a block of knives for 2p (apparently it is unlucky to give knives).

Normally For a brother I would say upwards of £30 depending on circumstances. Much less and I would give a token gift rather than money.

LadyLapsang · 25/03/2017 16:18

If my DB got married I know he would not ask for gifts from anyone, but I would probably donate about 1K to a nominated charity (and boost it by gift aid) and buy tickets for a show / event / weekend away. We increasingly do this in lieu of gifts as we get older. I have given cash for honeymoons to more distant relatives, about £200 to a nephew last time and they had a holiday of a lifetime before settling down to married life and parenthood. In your situation it seems a bit crazy though, you give him some money now and he gives it back in 8 weeks time.

Bue · 25/03/2017 16:22

Bleurgh to the poem. But yes, he's your DB so I agree with £100.

ilovesooty · 25/03/2017 16:25

user my niece is actually having a very inexpensive wedding so that isn't the issue. She and her fiancé are paying for the vast majority of it as well - I understand from my sister that she and my bil are "giving a bit towards it".

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 25/03/2017 16:27

Whatever you can afford/want to. There's no right or wrong answer here; if they aren't grateful for whatever you give, they don't deserve anything.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 25/03/2017 16:27

I'd talk to your brother about it if things are really tight at the moment.

I usually do cash gifts (way easier) and usually do £100.

ICancelledTheCheque · 25/03/2017 16:45

Just don't send a cheque, you'll get a twee poem back saying you haven't sent enough

I'd probably give £150 to my brother. And I'd definitely only give what I could afford to.

TheNaze73 · 25/03/2017 16:46

I think between £100-250 would be reasonable for a sibling

RedBugMug · 25/03/2017 16:48

what would a nice meal out for your family cost?
give that amount.

Piehunter · 25/03/2017 16:56

Both me and my brother had small DIY weddings within 6 months of each other, we both asked for cash (no poems!! I said something like your presence is what we'd like, no presents, but if you would like to give a gift we'd be grateful for a contribution to our honeymoon) me and DH had £100 or more from less than 5 close relatives and they were all older, me and my DB both donated each other time/services like collecting stuff/helping set up etc, lots of friends and family gave between 20 and 50. We were genuinely very surprised by the total though, much more than we imagined.

Money is quite tight for us, we usually give 20 as a gift to friends for weddings, if I was giving cash to DB for wedding it'd probably be 50 if we could stretch to it. No one decent would want anyone to give more than they could afford comfortably!

5moreminutes · 25/03/2017 16:58

Oh god we have this coming up too, and it's costing us £800 just to travel to the wedding, before taking all the other many costs into account (our fault, we moved abroad a decade ago, but the wedding is the most expensive week of the year to travel). We probably (guessing) have a similar household income but we have three kids and they have none. It does feel like attending the wedding is costing the earth even before contributing to their honeymoon...

£100 on a present/ contribution is ok but I'd really resent the £200-300 some people are suggesting on top of everything else.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 25/03/2017 17:01

Probably £100 for a brother.

Although if you struggling, maybe suggest as pp have said. Don't give anything and vice versa.

FreeWeezy · 25/03/2017 17:03

My sister got married last week and me and dp put £50 in a card. They know we aren't well off and she was very grateful. Don't be embarrassed. If they are mean enough to make you feel bad about it then they don't deserve anything

Alconleigh · 25/03/2017 17:05

A grand LadyLapsang?! #faintscleanaway

I don't give money to peers; I can't imagine giving cash to a mate as gift, or a sibling. A younger relative, sure.

I'd go with the suggestion of deciding that neither of you bother, if he will go for it. I personally resent how expensive attending weddings has become, so would never spend more than about £50 on a gift, given the several hundred other pounds I will have spent in the run up. I crave a return to the modesty of past decades, when people didn't believe their nuptials were the social event of the decade.

Purplepixiedust · 25/03/2017 17:20

I would give £50 if BIL got married but it depends on your family really. Other people get £20-30 or a bottle of champagne.

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