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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my one day a week job?

90 replies

blossominthecity · 25/03/2017 11:44

I know I'm being really pathetic but I hate it so much I start dreading it on Wednesday. I work Saturdays I generally do about 14 hours and it kills me, I'm always exhausted on Sunday and I feel like our chance to do something with DC is compromised as a result.

For full disclosure it's only a minimum wage type thing, it's something which always needs staff. So I don't need it for a career or anything.

OP posts:

Allthewaves · 25/03/2017 14:44

If dh prefers u not to work then get him to transfer the £400 to your account each month

HeteronormativeHaybales · 25/03/2017 14:48

I haven't RTwholeFT, so someone else is bound to have said this, but it's the 'having to ask dh' which leaps out at me ringing alarm bells. Quite frankly, if he would prefer you not to work, he can jolly well set up joint finances and make sure you don't have to ask. I'm sure there are upsides to separate finances (though it would never be how dh and I would operate) but it all looks very sour when one partner is having to ask the person they are supposed to share everything with for money, and the other partner is allowing that to happen.

Dozer · 25/03/2017 14:50

Why can't / won't your DH parent his DC during the week?

Why do you have to ask him for money?

Dozer · 25/03/2017 14:52

DH might well prefer you not to work, but he wouldn't be the one dealing with the long term economic consequences of a long career break.

Original poster

blossominthecity · 25/03/2017 14:56

It's not a career though. He can't parent his DC during the week because he is at work then.

OP posts:

Dozer · 25/03/2017 15:01

Could he not, for example, go in and come home early one or two day a week and you work on those days?

what about YOUR career earning potential? Medium and long term, not just short term?

Being a SAHM is fine if your H is 100% supportive, respectful of the SAHM role ane person, and shares family money equally, and even then it is economically very risky. If he's in any way of the attitude that it's HIS money or that parenting/domestic stuff is not his problem it's inadviseable.

MammyNeedsASpaDay · 25/03/2017 15:04

I think it's obvious you don't want to be there, and your husband would rather you weren't there....you aren't enjoying it....

Just leave. You'll manage with what you have.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 25/03/2017 15:11

It's one day a week, lots of people would love to just have to do that. You have six others days to do as you please.

If you quit and don't go back to work until your DC are secondary age you are going to find it almost impossible to find an employer that will want you with such a huge gap.

What happens if your DH leaves or worse? With no job and a work ethic that can't even sustain one day a week how on earth would you support two children?

ByGaslight · 25/03/2017 15:21

If you like being the parent at home, if your family can afford for you to do that, even with the big mortgage. If your job doesn't contribute to any future career or business you might have, and you could always pick up hours again anyway. If your OH is fine with you not working (and if there isn't some creepy Stepford Wives scenario we don't know about) and you can spend from a joint account freely with no hint from OH that you shouldn't, and after all you are also generating that money by bringing up the kids etc and enabling OH to work ...

... why would you work a 14-hour shift on a Saturday in a job you hate? I wouldn't, not for a big clock.

Original poster

blossominthecity · 25/03/2017 17:11

I think the problem is, some people are assuming I'm giving up some high flying thing or at least something with prospects and I'm not. DH coming home early - well he can't anyway as his hours are fixed but even if lets say its possible we'd lose around £150 a week from that. While me working two evenings would maybe make around £25.

OP posts:

Gazelda · 25/03/2017 18:53

I don't think posters are assuming you're considering giving up a career role. But I think many are encouraging you to consider giving up £100 per week while you are saying that you're not very comfortable asking a DH for money to spend on yourself.

OttoChocoLab · 25/03/2017 19:36

If you're miserable and your family don't need the money, then quit.

Life is too short. It's all about quality of life. Spend your weekends with your family and work part time in the week when your children are older

twostepsister · 25/03/2017 21:03

But the money is useful, it pays weekly and is about £100. So that kind of covered stuff I might need in the week without me always having to ask DH. But I could live without it. So I'm wondering is it honestly worth it? Everyone says it isn't but I'm worried that if I end up broke I'll be even more depressed!
The subtext here is that deep down you are worried about the implications of giving up your job. It is an enormous amount of pressure on your dh being the sole provider. You said that if you end up broke you'll be even more depressed. Do you think it's because you only work the one day the feeling of dread mid week about going in is causing anxiety. Which if it is the latter then you can address this and look at seeking advice from your GP.

pissedlady · 25/03/2017 21:08

Be honest with yourself... you've already made up your mind that you want to quit.

Summergarden · 25/03/2017 21:55

I'm in a similar ish position to you OP. I only work 2 days a week in a term time only job and am seriously considering resigning. There's so much pressure at work though, and I spend lots of extra hours at home in addition to my 2 days just to cover the basics. I know lots of people would think I'm crazy to give up what looks like a 2 day a week job but that feeling of dread you describe for days on end is very familiar.

Have you done a household budget to see if there ways to cut back, eg remortgaging, changing gas and electric suppliers? That might free up a bit of money to make it more possible for you to quit.

I know I'm lucky to be in a financial position to quit but do feel that life is too short to spend so much time feeling of sense of dread and anxiety about work, even most of the week when you're not even there.

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