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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think being gay doesn't excuse you being a dickhead?

97 replies

HillysChair · 23/03/2017 13:31

A man I have to work with (not often once every few weeks). He would describe himself as a queen bitch and frequently does. Usually with a long drawn out darling afterwards Hmm.

He's rude. Rude to the point that nobody else would get away with. Frequently commenting on everyone's outfits, cutting remarks about random people walking past the office, referring to women as breeders e.g. "oh daaalings sorry I'm late screaming breeders on the bus"

There's two other women in the office who hang on his every word and cackle delightfully everytime he speaks. I've raised it with him before and his excuse was "well that's who I am darling". Their excuse for him is "oh it's his sense of humour havent you been around a gay man before?"

Well yes obviously I have but they weren't like him or so fucking rude all the time.

We don't work for the same people, it's an office share so not much I can complain about higher up. More of a rant really that being gay isn't some excuse for acting like a dick and quite offensive to other gay men!

I swear to Christ if I hear another "omg look at her skirt" comment I'm going to throw something at him

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 23/03/2017 17:51

I always wonder if they stop being so camp and poised when they get home. They revert to sitting with their legs open, stick the footie on and crack open a beer once indoors.

Willow2017 · 23/03/2017 17:53

Definitely tell him being gay doesn't equal being a bloody areshole.

I am sure some gay men feel they have to live up to some raging squealing gay stereotype! Most gay men are quite capable of not bitching and squealing or 'performing' all the time. I hate the 'look at me I am so o o gay' stuff. Get an identity that doesnt depend on slagging everyone else off ffs.

His life must be shit to have to spend it criticising others all the time.

I would report him too it's making others in the office space uncomfortable and is pretty sexist of him. He isn't 'queen' of the office no matter what he thinks.

Bantanddec · 23/03/2017 17:55

I have an identical colleague, he refers to himself as QOE (queen of everything)

Andrewofgg · 23/03/2017 17:57

Being s dickhead is equal opps. You can be male or female or both; of any race, any religion or none; trans or how you started life; of any or either sexual orientation; rich or poor; and of any politics. The doors of the Dickheads' Club are open to all.

noeffingidea · 23/03/2017 18:02

Agree with everyone else.
Would also like to add, it's possible to be a bit camp and queeny without the bitchiness. This guy is crossing the line to being plain nasty.

joystir59 · 23/03/2017 18:08

Typical gay male misogyny tbh. I speak as a lesbian who has been around a lot of gay man. They can be lovely, but they often hate women.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 23/03/2017 18:08

He's obviously being encouraged by the women in the office that find him hilarious and hang on his every word. I don't understand why really. Confused

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 23/03/2017 18:09

Darcey, is that you?

joystir59 · 23/03/2017 18:12

Many women don't have a clue about misogny from straight men let alone gay men, don't have a clue about feminism and don't have a clue that he is being hateful towards them when he does his thing in the office.

Dozer · 23/03/2017 18:50

Urgh, surely part of the point of renting desk space is to avoid tosser colleagues!

But if you like the space, it'd be better for the facility provider to address the problem: him! Why should you have to leave?

VestalVirgin · 23/03/2017 20:02

Who you want to sleep with has nothing to do with your ability to be polite.

Not directly, but I wonder whether some gay men are more openly misogynist because they don't want to sleep with women and thus don't have to pretend to like women.

On the other hand, many straight men don't make any effort to hide their misogyny.

CaoNiMartacus · 23/03/2017 20:13

"I wonder whether some gay men are more openly misogynist because they don't want to sleep with women and thus don't have to pretend to like women. "

I wonder this too, Vestal.

TresDesolee · 23/03/2017 20:20

Don't be chased out of your own office space. Take it up with the landlord or manager of the space. He's sexist and offensive and he needs to be told to keep his gob shut. (If you do leave, make sure you tell the space manager exactly why they will no longer be getting your monthly payment!)

BarbarianMum · 23/03/2017 21:37

Ten minutes on the relationships board will show you that the most shitty, vile misogynists still manage to find women to sleep with/marry/ have children with.

Willow2017 · 23/03/2017 22:09

I think its the confidence thing with Simon and Negan.

Although they are the ultimate 'bad boys' and in reality we wouldnt touch them with a barge pole, they are both very clever, confident and have a very dry/black sense of humour all of which in normal small doses is attractive they just have it in spades, we got no chance Grin

Willow2017 · 23/03/2017 22:10

Oh ffs damm jumping threads!
Why wont they stay still tonight?

user1489943514 · 23/03/2017 22:53

m.youtube.com/watch?v=e3h6es6zh1c

user1489943514 · 23/03/2017 22:53

^^^ this makes a good point. Office homophobe!!!

user1489943514 · 23/03/2017 23:01

My first supervisor loved me.

My second liked me too but he's known for being a bit lazy and my reference from him is probably quite short.

I signed up to an agency and I wonder what that reference looks like. I might ask for a copy. I certainly didn't do anything to warrant a bad reference though and have never had a sick day in my life.

user1489943514 · 23/03/2017 23:01

Wrong thread sorry!!! 😳

1horatio · 23/03/2017 23:09

The office homohobe...

I've never seen that. It's so funny Grin

user1489943514 · 23/03/2017 23:11

It's brilliant! I got sent it by my gay best friend

LightDrizzle · 24/03/2017 00:19

What a twat! Luckily I don't know any men like him. I do have a girlfriend who is slightly dim but generally nice who really gets on my tits by toting her gay male friends like L.V. handbags:"I was out with Matt, you know, my gay friend, he's such a scream, everybody needs a gay best friend they are so funny and you can actually shop with them!" Yes, because all gay men are funny and into fashion. It so happens the only two gay men I am friends with currently, have no dress sense and no interest in fashion; one is below average on the funny scale (sorry Phil), - but top centile when it comes to core values and sweetness. The other poorly dressed gay chum is is funny, but lets the side down by doing it in a quiet dry way.
On the upside my closest lesbian friend is proper butch so we can all breath a sigh of relief there.

user1489261248 · 24/03/2017 08:34

"I wonder whether some gay men are more openly misogynist because they don't want to sleep with women and thus don't have to pretend to like women. "

This ^

I have seen some gay men (usually the very camp OTT ones,) online say they think women are ugly, hideous, and revolting etc etc etc. In addition, they are continually posting pics of almost naked men. (Often completely naked.) to prove how much they just LOVE men. Hmm

It's like they're trying too hard.

As I said earlier, the regular gay men who just want to live their lives and be left in peace are not like this, and gay men who are like this annoy them greatly, as well (as everyone else LOL.)

FrenchLavender · 24/03/2017 08:39

He'd obviously be an intensely annoying twat, gay or straight. I'm not sure what his gayness has to do with anything. He just likes to be outrageous. It's just that very camp gay twats cultivate a different brand of obnoxious attention seeking humour to their straight twat counterparts.