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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to warn the driver?

100 replies

Lflossy88 · 23/03/2017 10:17

Yesterday me and DDs were walking home from school when a child who is in reception ran past us way ahead of his mum (who was chatting and allows him to run ahead) and straight across a road without looking (this happens every day and frightens the life out of me).

On this occasion a car was coming out of the garages/private parking where this road leads. Being about 10 feet behind him, pushing Dd3 in the pushchiar and having Dds 1 & 2 either side of me I was too far away to grab him. Luckily the car wasn't going at speed and managed to stop before a collision.

The driver got out, he was quite clearly angry and scared, and started to yell at me for not watching my child (completely understandable). The child's mum caught up with us and ran to her son hugging him and also began to yell at me . Asking why I didn't grab him or stop him! I put this down to her feeling guilty and scared so just carried on walking home. (The driver apologised).

Once at the corner of my cul-de-sac I stopped to chat with a neighbour and low and behold the boy goes running by again!! Straight across the road no mum in sight!!

So now to this morning.

I dropped the girls at their classrooms and was walking across the playground when I was approached by the boy's mum. Assuming she was coming to apologise for yelling at me I stopped to talk to her. She did apologise (in a sickly sweet kind of way) and then went on to ask for my number... When I asked her why she needed it she said "So my lawyer can contact you about the accident yesterday." When I asked her what accident she stated "When that car hit my son!" .

Now, I am 100% sure that the car stopped about 2 feet from her son and told her so. She then had the gall to ask if I would say the car had bumped her son as the driver's insurance would cover any claim...

I lost my temper at this point and told her if she made a claim against the driver I would report her for fraud. She exploded and started yelling at me as I walked away not even sure what she was saying.

So would IBU to tell the driver (the car was parked in the private parking/garage area this morning) what she was/is planning?

OP posts:

IamFriedSpam · 23/03/2017 13:50

Of course she needs to tell him, so that she can be used as a witness. Obviously fraud woman isn't going to call OP as a witness knowing that she's not going to lie for her so she may as well be a witness for the innocent party.

Foxysoxy01 · 23/03/2017 13:54

Tell the bloke, tell your local police what she is/was planning and details of what happened and tell school exactly what happened and also that she wanted to sue.

It's really important the poor bloke doesn't get the blame for this it could cause massive ramifications for him!

I imagine the child may actually get hurt at some point if she is so idiotic and maybe by you telling the truth she might learn the valuable lesson of watching her child!

GladysKnight · 23/03/2017 14:12

I wonder if she is doing this to justify/excuse her own negligence to herself? Rattled, so making her aggressive, and then displacing her fear onto getting the driver 'officially' blamed, to somehow deflect blame from herself....

Not that it matters I realise, its still outrageous behaviour and all power to you OP.

jcne · 23/03/2017 14:32

Unbelievable. Thank goodness you are sane and witnessed. That poor man

ASDismynormality · 23/03/2017 14:37

As others have said tell the driver and also please tell the school for the sake of the child.

bubblegum5555 · 23/03/2017 14:43

YANBU

bigbluebus · 23/03/2017 15:23

I would definitely warn the driver if you can find him.
I hate this sort of attitude to road safety by some parents. Where I live there is a long steep hill from the village school. At kicking out time there are many cars parked down one side of the hill. Some parents allow their children to run ahead at great speed. If one of them decided to go between the parked cars, any moving traffic would have no chance of seeing a child before they hit it.

Not only could this child be seriously injured but other children in the area would witness it and suffer lasting trauma. When I was 9, one of my school friends was knocked over when running for her bus - we were at a middle school and travelled independently. I can still remember it as if it were yesterday - and it was 44 years ago!

The Headteacher needs to have a word with the school children about road safety and the importance of walking with parents/carers when there are cars around.

Original poster

Lflossy88 · 23/03/2017 16:03

So, I went to where the car was parked and luckily another person was getting into thier car and told me which house the car belonged to. I spoke to the man's wife and gave her my details, she was very kind and extremely grateful.

I went to the school office to ask who I should talk to about the problems reguarding road safety in relation to a specific child and was told to email the head, as she is very busy, or come to the next PTFA evening meeting (28th March) and raise it as a general issue to be discussed at the following meeting (25th April).

I didn't see the woman on the school run but was told by a few people she's been bad mouthing me today by saying I'm "up my own arse" and such.

Not usually one to judge but this woman is such a Judge Rinder/Jeremy Kyle waiting to happen.

OP posts:

HarmlessChap · 23/03/2017 16:11

I think you should tell everyone that she can bad mouth you all she wants but you're not going to help her commit fraud and fleece some poor bloke who had the fright of his life when her child ran into the road because she wasn't bothering to look after him properly.

Berthatydfil · 23/03/2017 16:49

I read of a very sad case where a young child was scooting down a pavement in front of their mum, a van came round the bend hit her and she died.
Driver was cleared in court.

She's a stupid stupid woman.

Firstly she's putting her child's life at risk and secondly instead of giving him a severe talking to she's looking to make a fraudulent claim against the driver.

You are totally doing the right thing op.

NotRumpole · 23/03/2017 17:05

I think when I next saw her I'd point out to her that even if she did make a successful claim on her child's behalf, she wouldn't receive a single penny - it would go in a Court Funds Office account to be paid out to the child when he's 18. If money is what's motivating her, it might be worth her knowing there is none for her to gain!

tinglyfing · 23/03/2017 17:24

Of course you tell the driver!!!!!!
Why do you even have to ask????

QueenInsomnia · 23/03/2017 17:30

You've completely done the right thing OP. What an awful situation, and one day that poor kid may be seriously injured when he runs across a road in future! Hopefully the school steps up, as they have a duty of care. I know it's out of school, but they can contact the relevant third parties to investigate

ohfourfoxache · 23/03/2017 18:51

You've done the right thing.

Have you contacted the police?

Foxysoxy01 · 23/03/2017 19:11

You really should speak to the police OP.
If you have the number for your local police station or your community officer (can find who they are on your counties police website or parish magazine) that would be fine to call them and in fact I think they would rather you did tbh.

kali110 · 23/03/2017 19:20

I'd demand a meeting with the head as you certainly don't want to bring up at the nExt pta.
This child has nearly been in 2 accidents, the woman is trying to lie about it ( would she get her child to lie?) it's a safe guarding issue.
This woman is scum.
Well done for giving your details to the driver.
I'd simply tell other parents you were sorry you didn't want to to lie to help her commit fraud.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 23/03/2017 19:30

Sorry this is not a PTA issue. The head needs to step up. Ask to meet with her to discuss a safeguarding concern. If that doesn't work put it in writing.

Well done for speaking to the man's wife.

Spadequeen · 23/03/2017 19:34

I would also be telling people why you are up your own arse. Let them know what she tried to do.

Original poster

Lflossy88 · 23/03/2017 21:05

I emailed the head and am waiting for a response. 101 had our village PCSO call me back and she said she will be outside the school tomorrow afternoon to take a look at the lack of supervision issue. They also took a note of the woman's name but said there's not much they can do about the insurance thing as it stands i.e no claim has been made.

OP posts:

WelliesAndPyjamas · 23/03/2017 21:19

So odd that the school office told you to contact the pta! Nothing to do with them at all 😂

helpimitchy · 24/03/2017 04:50

Perhaps the woman is putting her child at risk on purpose as she does seem intent upon letting him run away on a regular basis. Perhaps she wants an accident to happen. Stranger things have happened.

Panicmode1 · 24/03/2017 06:29

I'm surprised the school aren't doing something. One of the boys in my sons class walks home alone and lives near me. (Yr4 but he looks about 6). He regularly runs across roads without looking, shows off to friends and generally messes about. I mentioned it to the school because I felt his behaviour was dangerous, and because he sometimes partially tagged along with us because of where he lives, I was being put in a position of being responsible for him. (I had had a word with the mother and offered to walk him home but she got very aggressive and defensive with me and said it wasn't my problem) The school treated it as a safeguarding issue and the parents now have to pick him up or make arrangements for him to be released to a responsible person.

WatchingFromTheWings · 24/03/2017 07:31

They also took a note of the woman's name but said there's not much they can do about the insurance thing as it stands i.e no claim has been made.

The gentleman concerned could possibly contact his insurance himself to warn them. They could possibly take the details so if she does try to claim it'll be fine on file as fraudulent. No idea if that's something that can be done. I've heard of cases where claims have been settled without the innocent party knowing until it's too late!

blueskyinmarch · 24/03/2017 07:33

Sounds like this woman is just mouthing off with no intention of making a claim, just to cover up for her woeful parenting skills.

daddyorscience · 24/03/2017 07:57

I was once sat at a roundabout, in neutral, waiting to go, and a child (at my school) walked into my car. Literally. Fell over.

Got out, helped her up, she picked up her bag, walked off laughing about not paying attention.

Warned the head, warned my insurance. T that night, police arrived at my house to question me, "she's got a broken wrist, we may have to charge you with dangerous driving".

I was stopped. In neutral. She walked into the rear side of my car.

It all came to nothing, as her "broken" wrist was the one she was swinging her bag from all day at school, confirmed by CCTV. Put down to time wasting, but boy did it annoy me.

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