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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be raging with dh for being a misogynistic twat?

80 replies

Evilstepmum01 · 22/03/2017 19:49

So today at work I was out in the van delivering with my two female colleagues. I took a fun selfie and have just showed it to dh. His immediate response was that he couldn't believe work would send 3 women out by themselves. Gobsmacked I said why? He said cos we're vulnerable with the money we carry. We don't carry money and are perfectly capable of doing this manual job. He replied but what if you got a flat tyre and one of my colleagues wasn't there to help? I'm fuckin Gobsmacked. I can change a tyre as can my colleagues. We're not speshul snowflakes who need men to be there! Of course then we had a massive fight cos of can't believe that's how he sees me and he's defensive cos he's only thinking of me. And I'm a feminist. Grrrr! Aibu to be so cross??

OP posts:
SansComic · 24/03/2017 00:10

So many mistakes in one post!

The most important one being

Why do 93% of women and 96% of men not identify as being a feminist.

Twofurrycats · 24/03/2017 01:00

I can change a tyre - at least i could in the days when i had a Volvo that ran on leaded 4 star and came with a jack and a spare tyre. Now I'd ring the AA if it was roadside. No one has asked for my feminist card back.

ErrolTheDragon · 24/03/2017 16:16

I'd be curious to know the wording and context of the survey you mention, sans.

I'd also be interested to see whether the results had changed much if MN reran this survey www.mumsnet.com/surveys/feminism-survey - I assume the participants were self-selecting, so obviously not comparable with other surveys.

DrunctioningFunk · 24/03/2017 16:53

I can't change a tyre. I can't bake a cake either.

I am crap at doing hair and make-up as well. In fact I'm crap at lots of things reality hits

I can wallpaper a room though.

SansComic · 25/03/2017 04:59

Errol

It's many surveys and not commissioned by wehatewomen.org or Brietbart Smile

Yes, I think that the MN survey can be entirely discounted as it is such a skewed demographic. Besides which, I'm not sure who created the survey but it wouldn't pass the most basic academic standards. The questions are leading and framed so that MN can use the stats in a "look at what we can do for you, our target market - aren't you delighted we've made more women realise that..."

There's nothing wrong with that but as I'm sure you're aware, they wanted certain results and why wouldn't they. They're here to make money and are very good at it.

So, the other stats. They all seem to be fairly accurate, as much as any statistics can be.

  1. Chateline

Our survey was conducted online with 1,029 women between 35 and 45 in Canada, August 19–22, 2016. A random sample of panelists were invited to complete the survey from a large representative panel of Canadians, recruited and managed by Research Now, one of the world’s leading providers of online research samples.

The data were weighted according to census data to ensure that the sample matched Canada’s according to age, gender, educational attainment and region.

Result: 68% of Canadian women do not identify as feminists

  1. ^Yougov*

YouGov's research shows that most Americans (53%) say that they absolutely are not feminists: (26%) identify as being a feminists.

40% rejected feminism because feminism is too extreme. 18% because feminists are anti-men.

Result: 74% do not identify as being a feminist.

  1. The Fawcett Society

"8,000 UK adults, The largest and most reflective sample size and interrogation of underlying gender balance"

I can't see their methodology but I'm tempted to believe them and even suggest that any bias if it existed would be going the other way...

"The word ‘feminism’ triggered various responses – negatives such as ‘overbearing’ were provided by one in four (26%)"

Result: Only 7% self-identify as feminist.

  1. NYTimes

TheFWord: A Study on Feminism

Not exactly on topic as it's addressing why caucasions are more likely to self-identify as feminists.

"Black and brown women were found to be more likely to be on the fence about feminism, responding “I’m not sure” to the survey question, “Are you a feminist?”, yet reporting harsher experiences with sexist behaviors like harassment, or lack of advancement in school or the workplace. Black women surveyed approached feminism with the greatest skepticism"

Result: feminism is not for everyone according to those who suffer most.

  1. Sex Equality 2016 Report, UK

"Unsurprisingly women are more likely to be sympathetic to feminism (74%) and to identify as feminist (9%). The poll found that men very were supportive of equality of the sexes (86% of men wanting this for women in their lives) but perhaps predictably even less of them (only 4%) would identify as feminist."

  1. A national survey by the Washington Post and Kaiser Family Foundation

4 in 10 Americans see the movement as angry
34% see it as outdated.
44% identified as “not a feminist” or “anti-feminist.”

  1. Telegraph interviewing CE of Fawcett Society

[He] said, “The overwhelming majority of the public share our feminist values but don’t identify with the label. However the simple truth is if you want a more equal society for women and men then you are in fact a feminist."

"Women were asked to say the first word that popped into their heads when they heard the word “feminist”. More than a quarter said “bitchy”"

----------------------

The numbers from all of these different surveys done by large and trusted and varied groups suggest one thing, most people do not identify as a feminist and this number is increasing (except for Washington Post which showed 18-30 were most likely to identify. Still a lower number than 18-30s 5 years previously).

A striking aspect of other parts of the surveys showed that people overwhelmingly believe in equality, protection of women's rights etc.

Why do I think there's this disparity. I think it's because feminism has achieved its aims. Certainly in the UK where we do not have an unequal society due to feminism*. Feminism is seen as angry and bitchy and outdated by women. You can call this internalised misogyny if you want and blame the patriarchy but that is just doing exactly what 18% of American women believe ie. "hating men". Rather than blaming men and saying la la la la la, you're wrong, feminism would do better to analyse what it has become.

The fact that people do believe in equality and what feminism used to be but now distance themselves from it illustrates that feminism is not what people want. They want equality. I'm a proud egalitarian and believe in women's rights, gay rights, black rights, trans rights: human rights, not those of one group over another.

I think the arrogance of this comment "However the simple truth is if you want a more equal society for women and men then you are in fact a feminist." frustrates me. That isn't what feminism is anymore. It was. It isn't. As people leave any movement, those that are left are extremists.

*those who identified as feminists were more likely top believe in genders and gender differences - MN clearly breaks this and goes against the grain.

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