To take just one of the dc on holiday?

[Strawberryshortcake40]

Divorced last year. 3 dc, one now at uni.

Ex was supposed to take all 3 on holiday this year but cancelled. No real reason except he thinks it would be hard work (and instead has booked 3 holidays for himself...). The original plan had been for me to do a low key holiday with them as his plan was something big. obviously now unless I sort something they won't go away (not the end of the world but stressful times at mo mean I think we all need a break)

DC1 will only go if it's for a few days, and to something cultural not hot. She's fine if we go away without her.

DC3 is happy doing anything at all.

DC2 tells me this morning she doesn't mind where we go. But every suggestion I give is turned down. She is currently recovering from a relapse of anorexia so I can see that she isn't 100% in the zone for this but she refuses to show any interest at all. And in fact has been pretty vile about it all.

AIBU to leave her with her dad for a week (who no doubt will struggle but it's his job surely??) and take my youngest who is really trying so hard to cope with all the problems at home and is desperate for some fun (and preferably all inclusive ice cream...). Or do I need to suck up another year without a proper break?

[Strawberryshortcake40]

I will look into that.

No family or outside support available, she has therapy but that's all.

I was diagnosed with ptsd back in October which I think is why I struggle with making decisions like this because I worry about every angle!

[CheerfulMuddler]

Oh, that sounds so hard.

Have you thought about a PGL holiday? They have a centre near Paris/Paris Disneyland.

www.pgl.co.uk/en-gb/family-adventures/centres/chateau-de-grande-romaine#.WNOo9tFy1Qo

DD1 would probably not want to come, but if she did, you could send her off to Paris to do sightseeing. There is lots of structure, and lots of family adventure stuff you do together. You do need a parent along on all the activities though, so it might be worth bringing another adult along (or going with another family) so if DD2 needs you to sit with her for an hour while she finishes her lunch, DD3 doesn't miss out.

[CheerfulMuddler]

Even if you do absolutely nothing else, you should book DD3 on an adventure holiday camp on her own somewhere. That's the bare minimum. Then maybe you could spend a weekend with DD2 doing something that's just for her while DD3's away. But I really hope you find something that works for all of you. It sounds like you need it as much as the kids do.

[ohtheholidays]

Well your ex needs to step the fuck up!

Tell him it's that or he could lose his relationship with all of his Daughters for the rest of his life!

Take your youngest away and get your bastard ex to look after his poorly Daughter and step up his parenting!

Anorexia is a fucking evil illness,I was actively anorexic from the age of 7-16,it never affected my parents lifes because it was ignored,I dealth with it all on my own.
But honestly I'd rather it was that way than everything having revolved around me,that amount of intense focus on me would have made me iller and I'd have had to live with the guilt that I was ruining everyone elses lifes.

You never know taking all of yours and your other childrens focus of your DD's anorexia even just for a short while may well help in the long run.

[Strawberryshortcake40]

There is no way I would send DD3 on a holiday without me. Sorry. I'm the one stable bit of her life right now and she would have massive anxiety issues over it.

Can't see another family would want to come with us tbh. Don't blame them either!!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

OP, the emergency sheet that you read in an aeroplane telly you to put your oxygen mask on before putting your child's on for them. In First Aid, the first aider's first action must be to ascertain it is safe for them to approach.

You need to keep yourself right here, or you are bugger all use to your children. YOU NEED A BREAK. DD2's needs must come second here. You are at breaking point, and so is your ten-year-old. Right now, the two of you need to be the priority. Yes, DD2 may relapse. But she may not, even if it is a remote chance. You and your youngest, however, WILL BREAK if you try to keep on keeping on.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

Does DD2 have friends? I wonder whether including a friend might change her attitude.

[Rachel0Greep]

Oh OP, you need a break, you really do. Please take one. Even a long weekend away, would that be feasible?

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

Whereyouleft nails it. Eminently sensible advice.

[jay55]

I remember your thread about the relapse. Your youngest needs some time away from her sister to really relax and feel safe. You both do.
But I imagine you're worried about what you'll come home to with the middle one, if she's worse.

That said a week with her dad might make her a lot more amenable to you when you get back.

The two of you need a break, really need it.

[CheerfulMuddler]

Goodness sake, OP, don't apologise. You know your child. We don't.

[1horatio]

There is no way I would send DD3 on a holiday without me. Sorry. I'm the one stable bit of her life right now and she would have massive anxiety issues over it.

No. Don't apologise. All of you went through a really difficult time.

Your DD3 needs stability and some relaxed time away from mental ilness.

Because living with somebody that has mental hell problems can be hellish (yes, I'm speaking from experience. And I love that person very much and it still sucked)

[callmeadoctor]

What about somewhere like centre parks? You and youngest could bugger off to pool etc every day and relax. 15 year old could then choose whether to join you at the pool or stay in villa. Not too far travel wise, but still lovely near the pool areas. Then you could stay in UK? Dh could maybe have 15 year old for a couple of days, then drop her off at Center Parcs? xxx

[Tabymoomoo]

If it were me I would decide on an all inclusive hotel based holiday in a destination of my choosing. This would probably mean a buffet so dd2 could decide what and how much to eat giving her some control. I would tell dd2 this is where you are going and you would love it if she came too and if possible offer her to bring a friend. Tell her the only alternative is staying with her dad as you and youngest will be going no matter what.

Whatever happens you are unlikely to get a "happy" response as she sounds like she is in a really negative cycle at the mo and teenagers that age can often be very negative about everything even if secretly deep down they do want to do it. So she may say "I hate that place, it's awful, I don't want to come" but actually later say something like "yeah ok I'll come but I'll have a horrible time".

The more she pushes you away, the more she probably needs you. Good luck!