TO ask for advice on dealing with an emotionally charged 4.5 year old

[Nicpem1982]

My dn is 4.5 and due to an unexpected change in her family circumstances she will be spending a day each week in the school holidays with me and my dd as I work part time.

She is grieving at the recent unexpected loss of a family member and is having as expected real problems regulating her emotions she has started to get the necessary professional help regarding this however has any one got any advice on how I can deal with her when she starts to tantrum

If she's completely melting down, which is what is sounds like, as opposed to being manipulative I find the less stimulation the better. Could you try staying near her and letting her know that she can come to you for a cuddle if she needs to but offer no more than that. Don't attempt to reason with her - the rational part of her brain is working at that time. Even a cuddle can be too much for a child to handle at a time like that but sometimes they need the reassurance of an adult there.

It's mainly melting down yes

Can you examples of what makes her tantrum? I agree with pp you need to wait for the storm to pass before you can explain or reason with her, offer her a cuddle and if she wants one she will take it, if not then leave her be, do not interact with her and wait for her to calm down x

Char - at the moment anything from carrots cut the wrong way (Sunday) or asking her to put her socks on (Saturday)

I know a therapist who works with children in the school that I work with. And to cut a long story short, when a kid is really cross/upset/angry I say, as suggested by the amazing therapist "I know you are angry". Or "I can see that you're upset". And then say nothing. Sometimes I leave it 10 or so seconds and then just say again "I can see that you're upset". So far it's had a realllllllly good success rate with some very emotional children. I use the same tactic on my son. I think the important thing is not to say "I know you're upset but ...." But just to acknowledge the upsetness/anger. And then say nothing. I haven't explained it very well but it has worked with children I see at school in reception and upwards.

It sounds like she is full to the brim with upset at the moment and the least little bit of added pressure is enough to make it overflow. But also, she will need emotional release. I think the best you can do is be kind but firm when necessary (feeling secure will be very necessary to her now), pick your battles and accept that sometimes she will need to let it all out.

I do that with my 2 year old dd it works really well with her when she has her moments

Barbarian - I know that she's struggling at the moment I'm pleased that she's getting the correct professional help.

I know she'll need to let it out I just want to make sure I offer her the right support as I'll be on my own with a 4.5 yr old dn and my 2.5 yr old dd