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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about Mother's Day?

15 replies

Blinkybell · 20/03/2017 09:44

This is doing my head in!

Bit of back ground - 10 odd years ago, we moved a couple of hundred miles away from our families. We go back and visit often and my family and our friends come and visit us often. MiL has never visited.

We always stay with my Mum when we go back - room for us all (me, DH, 2 kids and dog) plus MiL has a couple of dogs who absolutely hate ours.

I also have a 98 year old grandmother who has recently been diagnosed with dementia.

So, to get to the point - we've arranged to go back to visit next weekend. We can't leave here until Saturday lunchtime as DH is a thing he can't get out of so our plan was to travel up Saturday, arrive early evening then go and meet up with some close friends for a takeaway.

Sunday morning we were going over to MiL's - we were going to get some nice croissants and go over for a nice breakfast and spend a couple of hours with her.

My grandmother's care home is doing a buffet/afternoon tea so we were then all going to go over there with my Mum for a couple of hours, then leave and come home about 5ish.

Last night DH was talking to MiL on the phone and she's having an absolute fit. 'It's not fair!!!!'

Apparently, we'll be 'too rushed' if we go over in the morning and we'll be spending more time with my parents as we're staying with them.

DH suggested going out for dinner on the Saturday but this isn't good enough either as it's not the 'actual day'

I give up, honestly I do.

AiBU so say sod you then and sack the whole thing off?

There's lots of history there, we can't win whatever so I'm inclined so just not bother and have a nice leisurely breakfast with my Mum

OP posts:
Laserbird16 · 20/03/2017 10:52

You say you can't win so just stick to your plan. MIL won't be happy whatever you do so you may as well do what you want

ImFuckingSpartacus · 20/03/2017 11:05

If your man wants to spend time with his mother, he can. You don't have to (and of course he doesn't have to spend time with your mother unless he wants to).
Let him sort it out with her, its not your problem.

Birdsgottaf1y · 20/03/2017 11:10

I totally agree that's it up to your DH, to decide if he wants to go to the buffet or spend the time with his Mum.

You don't have to stay joined at the hip. What's he saying?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 20/03/2017 11:13

He goes to his dm and you do your thing with dc and your family.
Then you don't even have to see mil at all!!

StarlingMurderation · 20/03/2017 11:16

I'd send DP to see his mum, and see my mum and gran. I wouldn't do this with my MIL because she's nice but yours sounds like a witch!

Original poster
Blinkybell · 20/03/2017 11:21

DH doesn't want to go and see his mum at all really. He's only going as a) it's Mother's Day and he feels he should and b) we never hear the end of it when we're up that way and don't call in.

He'd rather see my Nan.

It's a bit difficult doing our own thing when we're so far away from home. We're only taking 1 car up and it's all a bit rural and difficult to get around. We timed it so we'd split it fairly equally and leave at a reasonable time. The kids have school on Monday and none of us want to be home too late

OP posts:
ImFuckingSpartacus · 20/03/2017 11:35

Then just tell her that if she doesn't want to see you when you have time, you'll see her next time. Her decision, her problem.

Original poster
Blinkybell · 20/03/2017 12:00

Thanks

DH just left it with her, but I dread the fall out.

My kids have been plotting and would quite like to spend some time with me, so I'm inclined just to go out on our own for a nice breakfast and leave her to her sulk.

The issue is the car - they all live fairly rurally about 45 minutes apart with MiL the furthest away and my Nan being about 10 minutes away from the motorway we need to get home, so we had planned on seeing her first for a couple of hours, go back to my Mum's, pick up dog, then go to my Nan's then hop on the motorway and home for about 9pm (if the M25 plays ball!)

We will be at my Mum's longer but we'll be asleep for most of it

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 20/03/2017 12:30

Well that's the time you have so sorry you won't get to see her this weekend what a shame. She either takes time you have or gets fuck all.

KanyeWesticle · 20/03/2017 12:40

You've got your nan, your mum, your MIL and you, all of whom are Mothers to be celebrated on Mothers Day. She's not the only player in the game, and your compromise sounds very considerate.

If she'd rather not, you get more time with your kids.

chocolatemademefat · 20/03/2017 12:40

It's Mother's Day for you too. I hate special days when you HAVE to be with family.

ohfourfoxache · 20/03/2017 12:58

Fuck it- leave her to her sulk.

Starlighter · 20/03/2017 13:34

It's your day too!

MIL is, of course, being totally unreasonable. Tell her it's that or nothing.

Againagain97 · 20/03/2017 13:39

Don't forget the clocks go back on Sunday! Misses point!

CheeseQueen · 20/03/2017 16:52

Then just tell her that if she doesn't want to see you when you have time, you'll see her next time. Her decision, her problem.

This!! Nice, politely, and matter of factly. "Sorry, we need to fit in all mums and this is the only way we can do it to be fair. Sorry it doesn't work for you, we'll have to meet up next time."
Bet she'll soon magically make time and want to do it then!
Honestly, she's being totally, utterly unreasonable. Your way sounds lovely - that way everybody's happy and gets to see their mums on Mothers Day.

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