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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask you what you consider a reasonable level of tidiness when you have 3 young DC?

71 replies

ashestopictures · 19/03/2017 22:19

DH works from home...

DC like to get toys all over the floor. I am happy for them to do this and clear them up at the end of the day, but DH can't even tolerate it for an hour.

DC mostly eat at the table, but sometimes in the afternoon I let them have a snack on the sofa while watching TV, in a little bowl with a tea towel on their laps. It also gives me a break. They get some crumbs on the sofa which I brush off at the end or once they are in bed (6.30pm.) DH says they must eat everything at the table otherwise it's reckless of me.

Sometimes when I am changing nappies I don't put the (wee) nappy straight in the bin because I get distracted by another DC with a more urgent problem. I always put poo nappies straight in the bin. DH cannot stand any dirty nappies anywhere in the house. Apparently today he "tested" me without me knowing and timed how long I let a (barely weed on) nappy sit on the nappy changer. Apparently a whole 8 hours went by

DC pull clothes in and out of the washing machine to the point that I don't know what is washed and what is not. This upsets DH a lot - this not being able to tell what is clean and what is dirty.

He needs to get a job out of the house doesn't he?

OP posts:

mumtomaxwell · 19/03/2017 22:22

I've got 3 young DCs (aged 8,8 &4 so no nappies). Your DH needs to be more realistic - mine had to learn the same!! Sometimes there are toys out and crumbs on the floor... as I kept saying (and still do) this is a family home not a show house!!

Moanyoldcow · 19/03/2017 22:23

I'm not joking, I'd have told him to 'fuck off' by now. I have 1 DS4, our house generally looks like a war zone. My DH would never say anything approaching this.

Testing you? I'd test how long he can put up with sleeping on the sofa. If it wouldn't out me I'd post a pic of my living room right now - we've left it and gone up to bed because, you know, we aren't dicks.

Misty9 · 19/03/2017 22:27

We've got two dc, 3 and 5, and I do prefer to tidy their toys away after using them, not just the end of the day. I find they prefer to play with more space and I don't trip over anything! We also have a no eating in the sitting room rule (which I frequently flaunt... ) and I wouldn't tolerate the kids mucking about with the clothes in the washing machine. But we are fairly strict, and whatever works for you in your house goes.

The nappy thing? I'd ask why the hell he hadn't just put it in the bin when he saw it, instead of setting a test...!

wobblywonderwoman · 19/03/2017 22:28

You dh doesn't like toys out.. OK then

Seriously - I couldn't cope with him at all

Rainydayspending · 19/03/2017 22:33

I don't like toys out that aren't in use (if they've left the room). But i'm happy if they're piled up/ shoved over out of the way/ near a box.

What the hell though? Testing you?? A big fuck off from me there, if he noticed you hadn't had time to do a job why the hell didn't he sort it? As apparently he has plenty of time to kill with his little spot checks!

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 19/03/2017 22:33

That would all annoy me too to be fair.

ClaireH26 · 19/03/2017 22:34

He needs to chill. A certain level of mess and dirt comes with children. Surely he wants their memories to be happy and carefree, not anxious about dropping crumbs?

I've got 4 DC 7 and under, a dog and the messiest husband alive. I like things tidy but I've had to compromise. Rubbish goes in the bin, dirty clothes in the laundry, house gets a good clean once a week and a quick tidy occasionally. It does drive me a bit crazy but it's not fair on the family to be on their cases constantly. The laundry thing would annoy me though.

Kikikaakaa · 19/03/2017 22:37

The laundry thing is annoying but the nappies really aren't, toys are one of those personal preference things - I used to dislike treading on things, lost broken stuff so used to have a tidy up at nap time maybe, then the end of the day but not let it drive me too mad

Underthemoonlight · 19/03/2017 22:38

I have three DC one is a baby .The only thing I think you need to do is make sure the nappy goes in the in that's abit grim 8 hours is far it only takes two minutes. The other stuff is typical child stuff

givemestrengthorgin · 19/03/2017 22:41

Your house sounds normal to me. We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old and our house is generally a constant state of chaos.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 19/03/2017 22:46

Otherwise with 3 young DC I would not expect any level of tidiness. I'd also expect help from DH not constant criticism.

(Personally I always put nappies away straight away but I only have 2 DC).

FairNotFair · 19/03/2017 22:46

He timed you? Is he your supervisor? Is he getting ready for your appraisal?

intheknickersoftime · 19/03/2017 22:47

This isn't about tidiness. Forget that side of things because i have three who are older than yours so i understand. He tested you? That shows so little respect for what you do. He can fuck off.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 19/03/2017 22:47

Your house sounds quite similar to mine, although the laundry thing would drive me crazy.

He was testing you though? WTAF? A slightly untidy house is not the problem here.

Falafelings · 19/03/2017 22:50

It's a bit weird testing you. Why wouldn't he just pick up the nappy and put it in the bin when he walked past it?

Lego is meant to be out and played with. Then tiedied at the end of the day.

Oh and get you being totally reckless and letting the kids eat on the sofa occasionally. Hilarious!

NapQueen · 19/03/2017 22:51

Your dh clearly doesnt have enough fucking work to do.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 19/03/2017 22:53

What is the work he does? Could you stand over his shoulder one day ordering him to attend to x invoice before y etc etc. you could "test" how long he takes to reply to a specific email/how long it takes to close a specific word document once he is no longer using it :)

Notanotherpawpatrol · 19/03/2017 23:09

I have a 6,5&2 yo. The washing thing would drive me crazy, but other than that it all sounds normal.
Dh has a problem with tidiness, and some things do frustrate him, however he's never timed how long I've left a nappy or complained at the crumbs on the kitchen side or mentioned the plates/bowls left in the living room. He behaves like an adult who has 50% responsibility for our children and he puts the nappy in the bin, cleans the kitchen counters and removes the plates etc.
It's not 100% your responsibility to clear up after them, it's exhausting work and with 3 whirlwinds in the house it takes at least 2 people to stay on top of it!

Ihavefriends · 19/03/2017 23:12

Gosh, it sounds like you need to declutter.

I'd suggest putting stuff on gumtree. Start with the husband.

Swirlingasong · 19/03/2017 23:27

Has your dh spent much time looking after his children on his own? Does he understand that play is very important and that it does frequently involve mess? Or that what he sees as a pile of abandoned toys may be a whole little world to your dc? I find dolls and teddies all over the house, dc may be doing something completely different but it's important I don't scoop them up as then I've stopped them having the adventures that dc returns to chat to them about some times hours later.

Coastalcommand · 19/03/2017 23:36

What's an acceptable level of tidiness? Being able to see some of the floor sometimes. More than that is unrealistic.

tovelitime · 19/03/2017 23:51

I err on the side of your DH. I've got 3 and obviously at times my house was / is a bit of a mess but we've always had basic rules: all food to be eaten at tables and absolutely no food upstairs, toys tidied away before leaving the house so that we come home to a tidy house and shoes off at the front door. If mess doesn't bother you that's fine but it's also not a given that 3 young children means living in a state of chaos. I never did and I don't recall any of my friends doing so either

Taytotots · 19/03/2017 23:51

I think if you haven't done so already you should leave him to look after all three DC by himself for a day. Why don't you set up some tests for him while you are at it . You may find his standards drop dramatically.

RedastheRose · 19/03/2017 23:59

Your DH is being a controlling twat. Is he like this about other things? It can be a slippery slope when one partner thinks they have the right to tell the other what to do and when. What does he do if you don't toe the line? Do you get complaints, does he sulk does he make you feel incompetent? I think you have to have a serious conversation with him and tell him his behaviour is not on and He needs to change.

VimFuego101 · 20/03/2017 00:07

You have 3 kids. If they're alive, clean and fed at the end of the day you're doing fine, and your DH is an arse for complaining.

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