to put something to the effect of "we are not receiving visitors this summer" on fucking Facebook so I don't have to field eleventy hundred requests to come and visit from friends?

[liftwantedaroundtheworld]

Help me grow a (polite) backbone!

Basically we moved somewhere very scenic and with plenty of space for visitors a few years ago. Our friends from far and wide love coming here. We like to see them so that's all good BUT... last summer nearly fucking finished me off. Endless visitors for a few days at a time with hardly a chance to draw breath between them, all of whom wanted to "just chill out" and "let's go for a walk round the woods, you're so lucky having this on your doorstep" and "really enjoy not hearing traffic 24/7" and sleep in til 11 every day so days out became stupidly long and late etc etc. They've frequently driven a long way to see us so don't want to do any long car journeys for day trips either.

We are bored of the fucking woods. We walk round them twice a fucking week. The blissful silence that other people relish so much about our home is bloody boring when it's your life day in day out! We want to go for long days out to places with traffic and museums and proper shops!

We can't afford a proper holiday so we are technically "here" and we do genuinely like our friends company but it just got so crushingly BORING last year. They always bring food and chip in with cooking etc so it's not like they are taking advantage as such, but none of them can seem to recognise that their welcome break is just more of the fucking same for us!

I've already fielded 3 friends wanting to know when is good to come and visit over the summer and have so far been non-committal. But what I want to do is post on Facebook that we are planning a summer to ourselves this year and then hopefully not have to deal with endless friends wanting to come for their budget holiday here!

Is this terrible etiquette? How should I even phrase it? Help!

Agree that a generic FB post/email runs the risk of pissing off people who have been pleasant occasional house guests, and there'll be a small group of cheeky fuckers (probably the worst offenders) who'll read it and think "Ah, but she doesn't mean me..."

Just explain that you're going to struggle to commit to anything this year, and wouldn't want to change their plans at the last minute, so it's best if they make other plans this year.

I understand exactly where you're coming from.

When we were just married and lived near Cambridge our London friends used to do this all the time. "We'd love to get out of town for the weekend", "we'd love to come and unwind with you next weekend" "we need a break, can we come and visit you" etc

They'd arrive and flop and be fed on Friday night. Fester on Saturday and maybe do a walk and a pub lunch. On Sunday they'd get up late and moan about having to get the train back to London.

If we needed somewhere to stay for a couple of nights in London it was always too inconvenient with work/flatmates/keys/landlords etc. Why is it that when you live somewhere interesting and rural people feel entitled to a share of it but never reciprocate?

purely out of interest, how are you planning on seeing your friends this year? Will you be going to them instead? Or are they friends who only turn up because it's a cheap deal for them. If that's the case then you lose nothing by being firm and just saying No.

Or have the closest friends down for a weekend and then visit them in return for a weekend. Surely the important thing here is that you spend time with people you like? It doesn't sound like you like any of them all that much, in which case you can be as rude as you like.

Host a yearly liftwanted festival that runs for a good few days. Invite all likely visit requesters, and have an exciting time, having campfires, group walks, whatever. This makes your daily stuff exciting due to the numbers and festival feel, but stops your whole summer being eaten up. You could even send out tickets!!!!

Peter Mayle who wrote A Year in Provence said 'You just learn to say no'. When I bought my flat in London and word got around, you wouldn't believe how many people were suddenly thinking of a trip to London and wondered if I'd be free. I invited one person, my oldest friend, to stay. OP I would research the local hotels and make recommendations to your friends who want to visit the area.

But I think putting a message on Facebook could look rather rude, and make friends who had visited you feel uncomfortable.

I agree. Many of my family members live miles away from us but visit here for Birthdays and Christmas etc. One even put a post up once saying "sorry but we are NOT visiting friends and family when we come up for Mr & Mrs Jones anniversary".

It just came across as a bit self important to me and my only thoughts were, "hang on, you were never invited in the first place and how do you know WE won't be too busy to meet up with you anyway!".

Case of just putting your foot down here OP. Even if you do upset a few people.

Think other PPs suggestions of a simple text/phonecall to say you're busy for most of the summer so they'll have to get their cheap holybobs elsewhere they'll have to make alternative plans.

I know what you mean. I think the issue is that you have lots of different sets of visitors staying for only a few days. If people come for a fortnight then you generally pay them lots of attention for about four days then it is reasonable to let them do their own thing for the odd day afterwards. However, if they are only there for four days then you are "on" the whole time (which is exhausting). Plus, it means that you probably have to do a full-on changeover day twice a week.

Out of interest, do your guests know that you have back to back guests staying for half a week at a time?

I don't think you should put the Facebook message up. You like your friends and don't want to alienate them.

Do you really not want to have any visitors this summer? Or just not a string of back to back visitors who inflict Groundhog Day on you?

If the former, I would reply to anyone wanting to come with something along the lines of "Gosh, it would be lovely to see you but unfortunately are going away over [dates] and just don't think we can manage visitors as well". Don't, whatever you do, say that you are having complicated building work - if they come next year, it will be obvious that nothing was done.

If you would like guests (but not back to back), decide which
weeks you would like to have visitors and block those out. Then be proactive - invite those who you would most like to see to stay in week 1 , week 3, week 5 etc. Then, when others ask, say something like "Gosh, it would be lovely to see you but we've already got guests staying for most of this summer and we just don't think we can manage more".

Personally I wouldn't do a Facebook post, I would just reply to the requests individually. Remember you don't actually have to give a reason for it being inconvenient, you just have to say no.

If people do want to be cheeky and ask why you can always just give a vague answer like 'I have too much going on at the moment' or just say you have a lot of days/weekends already planned with friends that already take up most of the summer.

Good luck OP.

Just say no OP. Any "real" friends will find their own accommodation if they want to see you.
I agree with this.
I'd also research local B&B's and say you know of a nice B&B or Hotel if they really want to come see you.
I bet most say no.

Get a lodger so that you have no spare bedrooms .

Use the cash to have a nice summer holiday

Problem solved!

The Facebook idea sounds rude and a bit sniffy to me - I'd just field individual requests with "no". It is far less confrontational and potentially uncomfortable than a mass 'piss off' via FB.

If you were to put something up on FB i would do something along the lines of ' can't wait for summer!! We've got loads of stuff planned and plenty of places to go' or something similar.
If anyone wants to come and you don't want them it's suddenly inconvenient as you are not around for them.

I agree with 'just say no' to requests to visit.

I'm a terrible host so nobody wants to stay here even though I live in a popular destination! I just can't be welcoming to visitors who stay longer than a day without getting stressed out and making it obvious I've spent enough time being nice.

I'm afraid I also think the calendar idea is nuts and advertising it on Facebook is completely passive-aggressive.

I'd just respond to each request along the lines of 'we're really busy this year but happy to meet up for lunch if you're in the area'.

I think facebook seems rude and is likely to be missed by people who just occasionally look at facebook and mainly look at messages and notifications not newsfeed especially if some friends have a lot of "friends".
Just learn to be more assertive when people ask.
"Sorry but we're having fewer visitors this year as we felt we overdid it last year"

We live in a pretty, historic town that lots of people want to visit. After discovering what pisstaking bastards some of my "friends" were, we made some rules.

Anyone who turns up empty handed isn't allowed to come again (lots of wine is the bare minimum, one lovely friend always arrives with a case of good grog, flowers and chocs). Ditto anyone who expects to be waited on; anyone who doesn't clear up after themselves/offer to clear up for you; anyone who comments on the state of the place (if I wanted to know what people think of the facilities, furnishings and housekeeping standards I'd buy a B&B and go on fucking "Four in a Bed"), the behaviour of resident dogs or hosts; or expects us to put ourselves out beyond the bare minimum of clean bedlinen and a meal can go and stay in a B&B.

My ex-MIL once complained to my ex that I made her feel unwelcome because I did the ironing on a Sunday morning when she was staying. Ffs, I had a full-time job, they'd rock up early on a Friday evening and never went home till Monday morning. If she'd been a decent sort, she'd have offered to do it for me. (I only found out when the ex included it in his rather amusing list of my unreasonable behaviour in his divorce petition!)