to put something to the effect of "we are not receiving visitors this summer" on fucking Facebook so I don't have to field eleventy hundred requests to come and visit from friends?

[liftwantedaroundtheworld]

Help me grow a (polite) backbone!

Basically we moved somewhere very scenic and with plenty of space for visitors a few years ago. Our friends from far and wide love coming here. We like to see them so that's all good BUT... last summer nearly fucking finished me off. Endless visitors for a few days at a time with hardly a chance to draw breath between them, all of whom wanted to "just chill out" and "let's go for a walk round the woods, you're so lucky having this on your doorstep" and "really enjoy not hearing traffic 24/7" and sleep in til 11 every day so days out became stupidly long and late etc etc. They've frequently driven a long way to see us so don't want to do any long car journeys for day trips either.

We are bored of the fucking woods. We walk round them twice a fucking week. The blissful silence that other people relish so much about our home is bloody boring when it's your life day in day out! We want to go for long days out to places with traffic and museums and proper shops!

We can't afford a proper holiday so we are technically "here" and we do genuinely like our friends company but it just got so crushingly BORING last year. They always bring food and chip in with cooking etc so it's not like they are taking advantage as such, but none of them can seem to recognise that their welcome break is just more of the fucking same for us!

I've already fielded 3 friends wanting to know when is good to come and visit over the summer and have so far been non-committal. But what I want to do is post on Facebook that we are planning a summer to ourselves this year and then hopefully not have to deal with endless friends wanting to come for their budget holiday here!

Is this terrible etiquette? How should I even phrase it? Help!

Sounds like my idea of hell. Nothing wrong f with the honest approach. Failing that, can't you say you have some work planned that would make having visitors impractical? Maybe some extensive rewiring where the work isn't visible (or invisible as the case will be)?

Personally I am always happy to put up real friends and would never direct them to a hotel.

To house-swap a bit further afield than Doncaster you could try a site like Intervac. We've loved it.

How about an "open house" for a set period; Inform everyone that you will only be having guests for 10 days for example this Summer and if anyone wishes to visit they must do so during those 10 days and each guest is limited to a two day stay or alternatively just say you need a break, haven't the time and no one can stay at yours.

"It was great to see so many of you here last summer, and to hear that you love the area as much as we do. This year as we're not having a holiday 'away', we've decided to do lots and lots of spontaneous daytrips, so I hope no-one will be offended that we're not able to have any guests this year - we're usually happy to meetup around [town] if anyone's in that area though!"

Well I would have the calendar idea but I would block out absolutely every week. I think that would make the point!

I used to live somewhere people loved to come, it was only one year and I lived having visitors. I was broke and blunt but the deal was of they came to visit, they had to pay for me to go somewhere I wanted to go but couldn't afford, I had some great days out and lovely meals. I didn't have any children though and they only came at weekends.

Nothing helpful to suggest but I totally feel your pain. We live in a hot country that is a popular tourism destination and I am fed up of random acquaintances messaging me to say they are looking at booking flights and can't wait to see me!

I've also fallen out with my mum before after she seemed to be offering my services as a hostess to ever Tom, Dick and Harry. In particular when she told a distant family member that I wouldn't mind them stopping over with me for a few nights whilst they were en route somewhere further afield. A few nights ended up meaning ten days and I was literally days away from my due date with PFB.

It can be a minefield. I've just been down to a touristy area to visit a couple of old friends and got told off by one for booking a B&B and not staying with her. I think she genuinely felt quite hurt that I hadn't asked to stay.

I find it very bizarre OP that people are asking you if they can visit and stay with you? They should really wait to be invited or else invite you to theirs if they desperately want to see you.

Except they're not, are they. Because you live somewhere pretty. That's the only reason why you have this huge waiting list of guests and that would piss me off.

I like entertaining and hosting, but your situation sounds like you're running a free b&b for all of your cheeky mates.

I think putting a polite "were really busy this summer so no visitors please, now sod off!" Message on FB is a good idea.

That way it becomes clear to all that you have had so many requests for visits that you have had to resort to a public message.

Enjoy your summer of romantic dates and walking round the house naked

I think a fb post would embarrass friends who have already been, and there will be those who thinks it doesn't apply to therm.
But saying no is fine, or saying some selective yeses, but making it work for you, so the whole visit doesn't Just slide into their agenda.

Have you sent the email yet op

PMSL at your offering a calendar like a B&B. It's not a B&B! I'd just tell anyone, 'We're not having visitors this year.'

Isnt it strange how no one seems satisfied with what they have

Don't make a public post, just reply to people who ask.

If someone makes plans before they talk to you, that's their own problem.

Anyone remember that thread not long ago, where the OP ended up hosting a family for two weeks, and she asked them to pick up some milk and bread one day and they asked to be paid back the couple of quid it cost them. No gift/wine/contribution made for the entire fortnight.

I remember that one octopus completely disgraceful behaviour from them

What sort of lunatics are saying a bloody group calendar is a good idea? How about shove off and let the OP have her house to herself for summer?
^ This! When the OP has expressed a desire to have her HOME to herself for a summer why would anyone suggest she just reserve a week or two for visitors?
OP - just say "sorry, no, we're having a really quiet summer this year as last year was manic". End of.

We live in a very popular tourist city. Far more people are suddenly interested in coming to stay than when we lived in the arse end of nowhere! I invite the people we like and simply change the subject with anyone else who hints. Fortunately no one is rude enough to outright invite themselves or make plans on an assumption.

I wouldn't put a public message on FB but I'd only address the issue with anyone messaging who specifically asks if they can come and stay or starts talking about dates. If they're just hinting or vaguely saying "it would be so nice to catch up" or "look forward to seeing your new place sometime" I'd just treat it as wishing rather than planning and wouldn't acknowledge it as a serious intention.

A face book message would be beyond rude and piss off all your friends.

Just say yes or no on a case. Y case basis if you fancy the visit or not.

Grow a pair.

Post on FB as suggested and pin to the top...its not unreasonable, sorry we arent having guests this year, full of busy, and planned days out...

We have a similar issue with Holliday properties we own, most of the time we are more than happy for people to use them but at peak times we don't always want to be with other people.

Our solution is I am grumpy and always say no, DP is nice but has to carefully check with me first.
This way it's always my fault and never DPs and we are both fine with that.

Perhaps you should stop being such good hosts. I live in a very pretty, holiday-type place with a house that can accommodate guests. But we no longer have many requests, which I think is down to me being a really crap host. Fortunately that suits me and DH pretty well, since we are lazy introverts who like our friends but in small doses :)

Well this has put me off retiring to Cornwall.

I think you are going to have to be honest OP and just say you are looking forward to a quiet summer.

I understand you very well!

We used to have a 4 bedroom home in a lovely tourist area. Now we have a 2 bedroom home, which now features my study and a sitting room. (Hint- It's the same house.)

DH insisted the sitting room should have a pull out sofa 'just in case'. But we are not telling anyone about it.