How would you feel about an 18 year old going away with boyfriend?

[cornwall1900]

He is a year older and he kept him secret, even though I was suspicious where he kept going but didn't pry.
They've been seeing 8 months by then.

How would you feel about letting him go away abroad on holiday?
Paid for by his own money.
Although I did pay for his passport.
And he is legally an adult.

Boy sounds very nice from a good family and at uni.

Living at home with you doesn't make him less of an adult you don't get to dictate where he goes and who with just because he lives with you.

Untie the apron strings and leave him to enjoy his life.

I don't think you're wrong about what you do in your house. We were never allowed have boyfriends/girlfriends stay in my parents' house, even well into our 20s. Just wasn't done amongst my friends and we weren't allowed stay in their houses either. Guess things are different in Ireland. Don't know if it's different now.

As for the holiday though he's 18 and paying himself so it's not a case of letting him. He's an adult.

"I don't think you're wrong about what you do in your house. We were never allowed have boyfriends/girlfriends stay in my parents' house, even well into our 20s. Just wasn't done amongst my friends and we weren't allowed stay in their houses either. Guess things are different in Ireland."

Was the case for my group of friends in Wales 20 years ago as well.

I'd be sad too. End of an era and all that. I also be worried. But 18 is plenty old enough to go off and do things without you.

Each milestone that a child reaches is usually reached at the expense of a parent's concern. And every time they take risks and find the resources to deal with them, it's another notch in their maturity. It's the only way to develop the tools to deal with adversity, or life in general.

Plus, at around that age their development is swift. One minute they're frightened to get a train on their own and next minute they're backpacking around Europe/ holding down a job. A year to a teen is huge in terms of experience, whereas to us it's just like five minutes. We're the ones who need to keep up!

Don't let your distress show. Be positive, because it aids his confidence. And remember he's doing what comes naturally to kids that age. It's a good thing.

Let him go buy him lots of condoms and get him to call you when he gets there so you know he's safe.
I'm on holiday at moment and gf just called her dad to let him know she's ok. And we're 47!!!! I would phone my parents but they are no longer with us.
He's kept him secret before you don't want him to think you don't trust him anymore and to be open with you in the future.

"We won't let his brother of 21 sleep in the same room as his girlfriend whilst at home"

Why?

I was going to ask why your son needed to keep his boyfriend a secret, but I think this ^^ has given me the answer.

You need to loosen up and let go a bit otherwise your children might resent you.

I find it sad that your son had to keep his boyfriend a secret. I know DD can be secretive, but at least I know who she is seeing and usually where she is.

Let him go on holiday and enjoy himself. At least he isn't going with a wild bunch and getting himself into all sorts of trouble. I hope it isn't anywhere like Dubai BTW.

How would you feel about letting him go away abroad on holiday?

What do you mean by "letting him?" How would you propose to stop him?

It sounds like you still think of him as a little boy. Is the real problem the fact this is a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend? It's not clear what your problem is with it.

My DS went abroad with his GF on holiday aged 16, I didn't have a problem with it. I want him to be happy and have a wonderful life full of rich experiences.

At 18, it's no longer up to you if he goes on holiday with his boyfriend or not, it's up to him if he goes or not and in the nicest way possible, your thoughts on it don't really matter regardless of if he lives at home or not because he's an adult and it isn't something that will be going on in your home.

I haven't read anything to suggest the op is uncomfortable with her son's same sex relationship.
I'm reading she feels unsettled with him going away.
Totally okay. But by bit we learn to let go and let our children become adults - it doesn't happen overnight.
Some responses are just silly and actually, just sticking the boot in!
Your son will be fine op

There's nothing wrong about having house rules about sleeping - it's a little odd, but homes are set up to make everyone comfortable, if you are uncomfortable with children sharing with partners and they're happy to meet your concerns by shagging downstairs after your asleep and then sleeping apart then that's fine. If they approach you being uncomfortable, YWBU to try and accomodate.

On the holiday, if you want to give them some extra cash to enjoy the holiday, go for it, it's a nice gift, but don't call it spending money, and just be able to help out, 18 is really pretty old to be transitioning from parent/kid relationship. They choose what to do, you both help each other out if either of you need it.

Your house, your rules.

He's an adult, he's in a relationship he's kept secret, that would worry me more and to be frank says more about you than him. He kept it a secret because he either thought you wouldn't approve or allow it, was anxious about revealing his sexuality etc.

I'd let him go, ensure he practices safe sex and hope they have a great time.

I'd probably feel a little anxious but since he is 18 there isn't really much letting involved. He can do what he likes.

Entirely down to him. The fact he lives with you doesn't make him less of an adult.

Depends where they are going on holiday - in some countries homosexuality is still illegal - Spain, fine - Dubai, not fine.

That sums it up nicely. When I read the title and thought the 18 year old was female I wanted to say this, but it applies to homosexual couples, too.

You say his boyfriend is nice, so why are you worried? Do you think 18 year olds are not mature enough to travel unsupervised?

Only concern I would have would be female child of any age going to misogynist country with potentially untrustworthy male who might take advantage of misogynist laws in country they travel to. (Many a woman has had her child kidnapped because she trusted her ex-boyfriend or husband not to take advantage of patriarchy ...)

My mum always gives me a little cash when I'm going on holiday. She tells me to buy myself an ice cream. I'm 30. I go on holiday with my husband. It's just her way of showing she cares.

My mum always gives me a little cash when I'm going on holiday. She tells me to buy myself an ice cream. I'm 30. I go on holiday with my husband. It's just her way of showing she cares

My grandad who had to go out and work at 14 to provide for his mum and siblings was still giving his sisters 5 pounds each holiday pocket money when he was 60 and they were in their 50's.

Your mum sounds lovely