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AIBU?

How would you feel about an 18 year old going away with boyfriend?

92 replies

cornwall1900 · 19/03/2017 00:04

He is a year older and he kept him secret, even though I was suspicious where he kept going but didn't pry.
They've been seeing 8 months by then.

How would you feel about letting him go away abroad on holiday?
Paid for by his own money.
Although I did pay for his passport.
And he is legally an adult.

Boy sounds very nice from a good family and at uni.

OP posts:

Report

BraveDancing · 19/03/2017 07:38

I went abroad for a year at 18. Brilliant experience. Surely 18 is exactly when he should be doing this?

I also think keeping a relationship a secret in the early stages is pretty normal for teens, esp if he's been figuring out his identity etc.

LagunaBubbles · 19/03/2017 07:38

It's not up to you to "let" him go.

ithakabythesea · 19/03/2017 07:45

No wonder he kept his boyfriend a secret if you think he needs parental permission to go on holiday.

Step back or you will really lose him.

Thinking back, my DD must have been (just) 18 when she went on her first holiday abroad with her boyfriend - I was thrilled an excited for her. No sadness here - I have a happy healthy daughter who can form relationships - I don't see any sadness at all.

pilates · 19/03/2017 08:04

All I ever want is for my children to be happy, whatever their sexuality and at 18 he doesn't need to ask for your permission.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 19/03/2017 08:05

Well, I suppose I'd have an opinion on it, depending on what I thought of the partner. I'd probably try to keep it to myself though. You don't stop being a mother and worrying for your kids the moment they turn 18, although there isn't a lot you can do about things if you don't like what they're up to.

One thing I will be putting my foot down about is making sure ALL my kids have appropriate medical insurance before they ever step foot on a plane!

MrsPeelyWaly · 19/03/2017 08:15

OP, Im not going to go down he line of its none of your business because some people obviously just want to give you kicking.

Your son and his boyfriend at way ahead of you in this so Im going to say that your probably find this all bit of a surprise and right now its a bit too much too soon. However, Im sure that once you've had time for it all to sink in you'll realise that going away on holiday with people is normal at 18 years old.

I think you have to plaster a smile on your face and wave him off at the door.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 19/03/2017 09:19

Sad that my little boy was all grown up! But my oldest boys are only 8 so I can still get a little bit misty eyed

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 19/03/2017 09:39

At 18 I left home and bought a house (as well as went on my first foreign holiday with friends).

At 18 DD spent two weeks city hopping in Europe with friends - I paid (she'd just finished A levels) and was very jealous but proud of her confidence.

He's an adult you can't "let" him do anything; you can just encourage and guide him in making sensible choices. Just tell them both to have a lovely time.

Littleballerina · 19/03/2017 09:42

I would feel sad that he felt the need to hide his relationship but excited for the holiday.
He's a man.

Pollyputthekettleon45 · 19/03/2017 10:18

How would I feel?

Old.
My 18 year old going on holiday with his boyfriend. I'd feel old.
I remember being 18

cornwall1900 · 19/03/2017 10:47

But he still lives at home until September. We won't let his brother of 21 sleep in the same room as his girlfriend whilst at home. Maybe I'm being stupid and old fashioned!

Shall I give him spending money?

OP posts:

TheStoic · 19/03/2017 10:49

Shall I give him spending money?

I wouldn't. If he's an adult...he's an adult.

blueskyinmarch · 19/03/2017 10:56

I guess it is your house , your rules, but i rather think your stance on girlfriends/boyfriends not sleeping together in your house may be what has made your DS keep his relationship secret and making him want to go on holiday.

Makes no difference whether he lives at home or not, he is free to go on holiday. I am guessing he and his boyfriend and your other DS his girlfriend are sleeping together out of your house so if that is your only concern then i would think that horse has probably bolted.

DearMrDilkington · 19/03/2017 10:56

We won't let his brother of 21 sleep in the same room as his girlfriend whilst at home.

Why?

pilates · 19/03/2017 10:56

I wouldn't call it spending money, it makes him sound like he is 10 but if you want to give him some money for a meal out with his boyfriend that would be a nice thing to do.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 19/03/2017 10:59

I was living with my boyfriend at that age. If my son wanted to go away with a girlfriend (or boyfriend!) now he is 16 I would wave him off after a long chat on responsibility and protection, and looking out for each other in an unfamiliar place. I wouldn't want to stop him.

gamerchick · 19/03/2017 11:02

Time to cut the cord mama.

As for spends that's up to you. You do t have to but it would be a nice thing. He'd feel much happier going with your blessing.

TheOnlyColditz · 19/03/2017 11:05

Yes, you're being stupid about his brother (21 and still treated like a child!) and no, I wouldn't give your 18 year old spending money, if he has booked and paid for the holiday himself, he should fund it himself.

PortiaCastis · 19/03/2017 11:06

My 18year old has been on a couple of holidays with her bf and had a great time. She's an adult so I have untied the apron strings

NerrSnerr · 19/03/2017 11:07

'We won't let his brother of 21 sleep in the same room as his girlfriend whilst at home.' Why? Just in case two grown adults have sex?

It's up to you whether you give him spending money or not, but he's an adult so you can't stop him going. I'm not surprised he kept his boyfriend secret if you don't let him act his age.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2017 11:09

This all sounds suffocating to me.
My only concern would be as pps have said that he doesn't run into trouble with the laws of the country he's visiting.

Sunnysky2016 · 19/03/2017 11:12

Let him go, give him spending money and just ask him to drop you a text or let you call him each day to check everything is ok. Don't worry he's an adult now. Hope him and his boyfriend have a great time I'm not jealous he's going at all

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JessieMcJessie · 19/03/2017 11:13

Why is being on holiday any different to being away from home in the U.K. for a night or two, which you have said he does all the time?

BillyButtfuck · 19/03/2017 11:15

I think it's nice, spending money is a nice thought but completely optional and dependant on your own (and his) financial situation, no one can really comment on that.

tigerdriverII · 19/03/2017 11:16

You sound a bit like DM. Despite the fact that I'm 55 and have been married twice I'm sure she still thinks I'm a virgin. And that my strapping DS is the product of parthenogenesis

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