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AIBU?

How would you feel about an 18 year old going away with boyfriend?

92 replies

cornwall1900 · 19/03/2017 00:04

He is a year older and he kept him secret, even though I was suspicious where he kept going but didn't pry.
They've been seeing 8 months by then.

How would you feel about letting him go away abroad on holiday?
Paid for by his own money.
Although I did pay for his passport.
And he is legally an adult.

Boy sounds very nice from a good family and at uni.

OP posts:

Report

Plunkette · 19/03/2017 01:24

I'd rather my DC went away with their boyfriend or girlfriend rather than a big group of friends. Much less likely to get into trouble I think.

EmeraldScorn · 19/03/2017 02:16

The fact that the boyfriend is at university and is in your opinion "from a good family" really isn't relevant at all and shouldn't have any bearing on anything!

Your son is an adult, you can't say you will "let him go" much in the same way that you can't stop him from going - He can go wherever he wants whenever he fancies it.

He's 18, not 8 and you can't spend the rest of your life trying to hold his hand, he will grow to resent you if you stand in his way. He can legally smoke, gamble, drink, vote, have sex, take out finance, marry etc.

Wish him a good time, give him a few extra quid for spending money (if you can) and gently advise him to look out for himself!

GinIsIn · 19/03/2017 02:37

I'd feel it was none of my business because they are an adult....

pickledparsnip · 19/03/2017 02:54

Goodness me! I'd be excited for them, tell then to have fun and take lots of photos!

I'd left home at 16.

pickledparsnip · 19/03/2017 02:54

*them

danalez · 19/03/2017 02:55

Yeah really! Some parents just decide their child needs to conform to their expectations even past their legal independence

daydreamdolly22 · 19/03/2017 02:58

What makes you think you can 'let' him go?

He is an adult.

lalalalyra · 19/03/2017 03:00

I don't think you "let" an 18yo go on holiday. 18yos go on holiday when they choose as they are 18.

Was there a reason for the secrecy? Was it secrecy rather than just privacy while they established their relationship?

The only time I'd feel the need to say anything to an 18yo would be if they'd booked somewhere they perhaps didn't realise wouldn't be as tolerant as where we live to a same sex couple. Other than that it'd be the same as if they were 21/25/28 and a "remember your sun cream and remember you can call if you need us even if you think you are too old for your Mum and Dad's help".

CrazyCavalierLady · 19/03/2017 03:16

A) I wouldn't be letting an 18 yr old. They are adults
B) delighted that I'd raised an independent human being ie. done my job of parenting
C) excited for my child heading off on an adventure with a new love
D) a bit sorry for myself because I wasn't going abroad

TheStoic · 19/03/2017 03:18

What are your concerns, OP? The 'abroad' bit? Are you worried about his safety?

wigglesrock · 19/03/2017 06:49

My parents paid for me to go away with my boyfriend as my 18th birthday present. He was 2.5 years older than me, we had been going out about a year, my parents knew him, well he would have been in our house every fortnight maybe. We had a brilliant time in Greece for 2 whole weeks, it was bliss. 25 years later they still "let" me go on holiday with him .

Strangely I was out with some friends a while back and I mentioned we had been on holiday together when we were very young and I was surprised at the amount of people who were shocked by it and were really surprised my parents had allowed me, to be honest I didn't think it was that big a deal. I remember the summer I turned 18, lots of people were going away with their boyfriends/girlfriends be it camping, Euro railing, working in the US, or a really cheap holiday.

SheSaidHeSaid · 19/03/2017 06:59

I'd feel happy knowing he's in a fairly steady relationship but a little sad he felt it had to be a secret originally.

It'd also make me happy to think of them on holiday together, more so than a holiday with friends.

DancingPenguin1 · 19/03/2017 07:03

Is he happy in his relationship? If yes then surely you'd be happy?
You can't 'let him', he's an adult it's not your choice. You need to back off.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 19/03/2017 07:07

Depends where they are going on holiday - in some countries homosexuality is still illegal - Spain, fine - Dubai, not fine.

TaliDiNozzo · 19/03/2017 07:10

I guess I'd feel that I hoped they had a good time.

I'm not really sure how else to answer that considering the DC is an adult and it's not as if you can stop them going anyway!

Trifleorbust · 19/03/2017 07:13

Why would it bother me? At 18 he can go on a round-the-world trip if he wants to, many do. It really isn't up to you.

Whileweareonthesubject · 19/03/2017 07:15

I'd feel sad that he felt he needed to keep it a secret from me for so long. Other than that, I'd be happy to see them happy and with someone who loves them.
My only concern would be destination, as a pp said, there are places where homosexuality is illegal.

Porpoiselife · 19/03/2017 07:20

Why would it be a problem? He's an adult. Unless he is massively childish and can't look after himself? I went to another country for a year on my own at 18. Best year of my life!

SparkyBlue · 19/03/2017 07:24

As others have said I be more comfortable with them going with a boyfriend rather than a big group on a wild holiday but either way he is an adult and I would be delighted that he was able to fund his own holiday and not looking for hand outs.

skerrywind · 19/03/2017 07:27

Strange thread.

I was living with my boyfriend and had a mortgage at 18. My sister married and emigrated at 17.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 19/03/2017 07:28

Get them to read up on attitudes to homosexuality, gestures like holding hands in public may. Still be, poorly received. Chat about general travel, safet

Meloncoley2 · 19/03/2017 07:28

It sounds as if you haven't met him OP, and if I were in your shoes I think I would feel better about it if I knew him.

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Ecureuil · 19/03/2017 07:32

I went away with my boyfriend when I was 18. I paid for it myself (part time job while doing a-levels) so didn't feel the need to ask my parents, as I was an adult. I just let them know what we were doing.

Ecureuil · 19/03/2017 07:33

DH travelled the world with his then girlfriend at 18.

blueskyinmarch · 19/03/2017 07:35

What is it you are concerned about? Is it the boyfriend? Is that he kept him a secret? Or going on holiday? I don't think there is any issue with an 18 year old going on holiday with someone.

If he was going on holiday with a girlfriend or with mates would you be having reservations?

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