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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be very worried about what maintenance i will get for my three pre school children?

18 replies

ferriswheel · 18/03/2017 13:05

I have three pre school children, the youngest is 19 months. My stbxh has his own business and pays himself a very small salary because he is also entitled to dividends to bulk out his (our) income. My understanding is that they wont be included in the calculation that is made about what maintenance he will have to pay me. Does anyone know? Im hoping to find out next week. Am in Scotland, if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
needsahalo · 18/03/2017 13:49

You will need to ask for his dividend to be included. Expect years of hassle and do not rely on the money. The laws on self employment and child maintenance are a poor fit and there is little you will be able to do if he decides he doesn't want to pay.

LemonSqueezy0 · 18/03/2017 17:02

Can you sort it out directly with him or are you expecting him to be difficult?

user1489855835 · 18/03/2017 17:04

What about your earnings?

witsender · 18/03/2017 17:05

Her earnings have nothing to do with maintenance.

If you have bank statements etc you could prove that over the last few years he has used dividends to prop up tbe income, if that helps.

JustMarriedBecca · 18/03/2017 17:24

You might find this useful from a solicitors. You should check if it's up to date law
www.clarkewillmott.com/child-maintenance/will-child-maintenance-service-treat-parents-dividends/

mayhemensues · 18/03/2017 18:41

I am in a similar situation. My husband draws £3000 a year. If I follow through with the separation/ divorce I will have to accept that I will see very little SadAngry

LemonSqueezy0 · 18/03/2017 19:29

The OPs earnings are separate matter, obviously. Both parents should contribute to their joint children.

needsahalo · 18/03/2017 19:36

What about your earnings?

Really? What the OP earns has fuck all to do with her ex's responsibility towards their children. Always the same old mysognistic shite.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 18/03/2017 19:41

User can you explain why you feel that your question is relevant? Do you think that fathers are only obliged to contribute to their children's upbringing if their mother can't afford it? Is it primarily the mother's responsibility, with the father only expected to make up any shortfall?

RebootYourEngine · 18/03/2017 19:47

Seriously User that is completely irrelevant.

As shit as it is i dont factor in maintenance into my budget because my exh doesnt think that he should pay for his ds so changes job every few months to avoid paying.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/03/2017 19:50

To be fair to user They may have been trying to see if OP is entitled to benefits etc.

Don't see the need to pounce on them tbh.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 18/03/2017 20:02

Piglet if that's the case, then the relevant question is "are you entitled to benefits?". Not "what about your earnings?". Either way, that's still completely irrelevant when the OP is asking about her ex's financial responsibility, she isn't asking for opinions or advice on her own financial position.

It gets people's backs up because it's completely mysoginistic and, as always, perpetuates the idea that children are women's concern and responsibility, and we shouldn't put upon the poor men by expecting them to equally parent and provide for their offspring.

ferriswheel · 18/03/2017 20:59

Yes I expect him to work. I have a full time permanent job on hold because I'm a sahm. I can't afford childcare if I go back to work.

OP posts:
Rainydayspending · 19/03/2017 08:15

The benefits thing is equally the normal whinge card from feckless exes. "But the government gives you money for the kids". My ex was one of this number and made a report to dwp that I "wasn't declaring my income". Of course I was. But he did it everytime he didn't get his own way. Payments would sometimes be delayed, I filled in more paperwork etc. All a game to the average absconding parent. Meanwhile the children miss out on things.

Rainydayspending · 19/03/2017 08:17

Sorry. Side tracked. Most self employed exes screw the kids over to save cash for themselves. Sorry op. It seems to be what exes are encouraged to do by friends/ websites in order to "punish" partners.

AyeAmarok · 19/03/2017 08:22

Is your ex likely to think that paying maintenance is "giving you money" and so try to get away with as little as possible, rather than paying for his children?

contractor6 · 19/03/2017 08:22

Not much help to you now, but for others who are having children with self employed, I request becoming a share holder. Especially a sahm as there are tax planning benefits. That way if split up, you'd have rights in regards to dividends. If partner doesn't trust that, put the shares in trust in Childs name, generally wouldn't have access to the monies until 18 though, but would at least make it fairer.

PhilODox · 19/03/2017 08:26

Why will he not be having the children 50/50?

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