To be a bit concerned about socially awkward son?

[Soapandglory]

My son is 9, as he's getting older it's becoming more noticeable that sometimes his behaviour can be inappropriate.

Please don't flame me as I'm having a bit of a tough time generally right now and I'm trying my best.

Basically he can come across really forward and cheeky but I'm fairly certain he doesn't know he's doing it. It's like he sees things as very black and white. He's not at all shy but needs to know when to zip it.

For example he goes to a football group, they were taking penalties and ds got knocked out. He just asked the coach quite casually and confidently if he got take his go again. The coach just laughed and said no but it's was wholly inappropriate to the situation.

If he comes out of school and sees a friend going to another friends house he'd think nothing of loudly asking if he can go with them. Even though he was never invited.

He constantly asks questions for example when I'm collecting his brother from preschool and doing handover he just keeps asking why that's there, why they're doing that, what is this for. I do tell him to stop interrupting.

There was a situation at school where another child was doing something that they had been specifically selected for, and ds brazenly asked if he could go too, it got him into trouble at school. I spoke with afterwards, he hadn't realised it was only for that child and felt bad.

We went to view a house and there was a stairlift, he asked the estate agent if he could have a go on it because it looked fun and if we could keep it if we bought the house. He kept asking if he could put his things on the shelves when we moved in, asking what was behind that door and so on.

I always speak to him to explain why that wasn't appropriate, how it might come across rude, why he can't just do what he wants. He understand once I've explained but just still doesn't seem capable of reading between the lines next time something comes up.

I'm quite firm and will tell him to shush when I need to. He feels really bad if he thinks he's upset someone.

What can I do? How can I deal with this better? Does it sound concerning?

The more you post the more I think you have a big school problem. Yes it does sound like your ds needs a little social guidance but honestly he really does sound like a lovely lovely little boy.

Lou www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/we-all-display-traits-of-autism-study_uk_56f1144fe4b0fbd4fe087238
This is part of the recent training I attended. These were my thoughts about displaying the traits to varying degrees. I also know that my son woukd never be diagnosed as autistic. Certainly in schools training from other professionals backs up the view I shared.

Displaying traits and being on the spectrum aren't the same thing. It is of course possible for everyone to display a trait commonly associated with ASD but unless you are displaying enough traits that affect and impair your daily functioning and are showing deficits within all three areas of the triad of impairment then you are not on the autistic spectrum to some degree.

The response of the reception teacher seems very odd and unprofessional

I had this with my son's reception teacher too. She kept going on about him lacking empathy.

I really wondered what she was trying to tell me. Anyway he does have plenty of empathy and he's never been assessed for anything, never mind been diagnosed.

I wish people wouldn't see "conditions" everywhere. Some people are just annoying. It doesn't mean they have an -ism, it just means they have an annoying character trait. Which may not even be annoying to most people.

Teachers and other parents/carers can make you feel embarrassed about your child. Try not to let them. He sounds fine, really.

Perhaps badly worded initially but yes that is how I see my son. He has traits associated with and more traits than I do. I was told he was further along the spectrum than me, but that is about the wording. In fact it should be he displays more traits and to differing degrees. As I said he would never be diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. This is n't even a diagnosis that as a professional in education we would make. Much too specialised. I was hoping to put the OP's mind at rest and use my own experience of dealing with a very similar child. Strategies used to support dealing with the traits are really beneficial. I will add again, my son isn't on the autistic spectrum and likely the OP's son isn't either. In any case only a professional/ group of professionals would be able to diagnose.

I totally agree that many of the strategies used to help children with ASD develop social skills are very helpful in supporting children without ASD. There are some great social skills resources, this is quite a good one

www.socialthinking.com/Products/You%20are%20a%20Social%20Detective