AIBU to think that you don't use someone's death to try and hurt someone.

[Peanutandphoenix]

I had this friend who I have been speaking to for a few weeks and tonight he ditched me and blocked me every where his reason for it the aparrent temper tantrum I threw last Thursday it was my nans birthday and she died 2 months ago and he made me feel like I was in the wrong for wanting to grieve for her and now he's ditched me and used my dead nan as his excuse for it. Am not wrong to think fuck you your bang out of order.

It's hard to say without more information.

I'm very sorry for your loss and anniversaries after you've lost someone are extremely difficult...

However I don't personally think that adults are ever entitled to a "temper tantrum".

So my answer to who is out of order would depend on what constitutes a temper tantrum in this case and whether that kind of behaviour is common for you.

Depends what the 'temper tantrum' consisted of really.

I was just absolutely deverststed and crying a lot on Thursday last week it wasn't a temper tantrum as he called it. It was just everything that I had been bottling up for 2 months just came pouring out after going to her grave. He knew what I was going through because I had cried down the phone to him so he knew how heartbroken I was but because I reacted in the way that I did he's decided that he didn't like seeing that side of me and used my nans death against me to try and hurt me. So much for being understanding.

In which case he doesn't very nice at all.

Where were you during these tears? Why was he there?

He sounds pretty awful. You're well rid.

He wasn't here I was at home on my own and he phoned up its not the first time he's been nasty to me there were his constant "jokes" about my weight always trying to make out like I live in the Greggs because am fat and he thought it was funny and just jokes it wasn't to me. But his horrible uncalled for comment about my nan was the final straw for me that was said just to hurt me and to get at me.

He sounds awful. He's no friend to you. Cut him off and find nicer friends.

scarlettfreeston thanks he was absolutely awful but in his mind he was a nice decent understanding fella boy was he wrong about that. Am lucky that I have much nicer friends who aren't horrible to me.

Let him exist in his fantasy world where he is nice.

He doesn't need to exist for you.

highinthesky Haha your spot on he does live in a fantasy world. Thing is he makes you feel sorry for him because he has cerebal palsy and then he turns nasty for no reason but doesn't like it when you point out that he's being nasty and that his comments are uncalled for.

Unless Im mistaken you said you had been speaking to this for a few weeks? Is that how long you'd known him for? If so he was hardly a close friend and perhaps not one to do that with.

How would any of us really feel to have someone we barely know do that over something so intensely personal? Possibly uncomfortable?

Blocking you was just nasty. a closer friend or family member was perhaps more appropriate to talk to.

He has CP too? Half of people with CP have an intellectual disability.
Perhaps he cant deal / doesnt know how to react.

Talk to closer friends / family to support you in your time of grief.

Yeah only a few weeks but he made it really easy to talk to and tell him things and then he does this. He understood very well what I was going through he had been through the same thing and would tell me how deverststed he would be if he lost his dad. He even offered to go to the grave with me and then on the day said he couldn't go but I didn't really want him there anyway.

You dont know him or that he really understood what you were going through. how can you know anyone after a few weeks? he was probably just being nice.

Im sorry for your loss however a stranger with a neurological condition that can affect intellect was not the appropriate person to be sobbing to and unleashing raw emotions on. Even a person without CP may have felt very uncomfortable by someone they barely know doing this.

It sounds like he was just being nice and then didnt know how to handle or want to deal with it.

I also don't understand why you're so bothered if you dont know him.

Lesson learned: close friends and family for this sort of thing.

You actually don't really know the half how can someone who makes fat jokes about me and thinks it's funny to say that I live in the Greggs because of my weight be a nice person he was just horrible and nasty regardless of his condition and in his own words no could be nasty to him because he was a cripple does that sound like a nice and understanding person to you or does sound like a horrible bully who then used my nans death to ditch me explain to me how you think that's nice in anyway freeniki

Yes I read that

You didnt reveal until later that he has CEREBRAL PALSY.

Its a neurological condition than can affect intellectual ability, more prone to mental health issues. you cant judge him like you or i with no disability.

Why were you even still talking to him after he called you fat?

I dont understand the level of investment in this man when you dont even know him. Why do you care?

Im out

Sorry but this is Jeremy Kyle type stuff. Grow up.

Cp doesn't give him the right to bully people and I tried my best to be understanding with him I actually met up with him twice and he seemed really nice when we met up and then this happenes. I guess you never know what people are really like until something happens and they show their true colours. I really regret being friends with him.

haveacupoftea unless you have something constructive or helpful to say don't say anything at all.

I did try and be understanding I tired helping him find a new support worker and he told me that he hadn't had a relationship in 5 years because no one wanted to know him because of the cp and he had very few friends because of it so I kind of felt sorry for him and tried my best to be there for him whenever he needed to someone to talk to and then he turns nasty for no reason. I guess I just don't understand what I did wrong. Because he kept thanking me for being understanding and patient with him and for all my help and for being there for him when he needed someone. I guess I shouldn't of got involved and just left him to it because he just turned nasty when I needed someone.

I recognised you from some previous posts. I wonder if you have some issues in the past that make you invest in people. Do you have any other friends you can talk to about this?

JessieMillz25 maybe it's because I was bullied a lot as a child so when people say things like no one wants to know them because of whatever I feel sorry for them because I understand what they mean and then they just take the piss out of my kindness and make me feel like am the one to blame when they turn nasty. Maybe I am the one to blame maybe I am just too kind to all the wrong people. I do have a few really good friends that I talk to a lot and my family. I don't think I will be so kind to people anymore it only comes back to bite me on the ass.

Sorry to hear about your Nan, hold onto your memories of her and don't let this incident sully your love for her.

I'd guess that your friend was overwhelmed by your outpouring of grief and it scared him off. You're a victim of circumstance, as is he, move on, find other friends. Turn this negative into a positive by making it into a lesson and learning from it.

Be kind to yourself and try not to dwell on what happened as it does no good to wallow, let it go if you can and concentrate on your feelings for your beloved Nan instead of something that you can't change and which makes you angry and upset.

Peanut, it's not that you shouldn't be kind to people. It's that you seem to open up to them very quickly and develop expectations of emotional investment. Pleasant and polite is the way to go with someone you've only just met. Helpful but not oversharing or emotionally involved.

It sounds like you both have issues and need support from someone capable of doing this, not each other.

Block him and forget all about him.

sleepohhowImissit thank you for your kind words your right am just going to focus on my nan and forget about him he's just a horror and a bully.

corythatwas I try to be kind to people but it always back fires on me maybe and I was taught to treat people the way I want to be treated but that doesn't seem to be working anymore.

florrick your right I have a lot going on right now that I need to work on and well as for him he's been blocked and he needs to learn how to be nice to people and have respect for people.