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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you got engaged?

46 replies

Nosyparker1 · 17/03/2017 21:59

I've been married (think young & shotgun) had 1ds there.
Been with now dp for 3 years and have a dc and been talking engagement. We both want too but will be both our second marriage so should we wait?
Just wondering when people felt it was the "right time"

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 17/03/2017 22:08

I think with it being your second marriage, your heads will be more screwed on this time. If you both want it then I imagine you have a solid relationship. Don't allow bad past experiences to ruin future ones xx

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/03/2017 22:11

We got engaged after 3 months. DH had been married before, I had been engaged to an abusive bastard. Everyone thought we were mad, buy I found out I was pregnant a couple of days after the engagement and we've been married for 16 years so it wasn't so daft after all. If you love each other it doesn't matter when you get engaged, you will know when the time is right.

BackforGood · 17/03/2017 22:12

Not really understood the 'being engaged' as a 'thing' . I've always felt it was just the interim period whilst you were planning your wedding.

Don't think there are any rules about length of time you are together though - IMO, the commitment of having a child together is the biggest commitment of all, and you've done that, so I'm not sure why you would be worrying about if it is 'too soon' to get married.

Original poster
Nosyparker1 · 17/03/2017 22:43

I just worry too much what people think Blush

OP posts:
gabsdot · 17/03/2017 22:46

We got engaged 3 days after our first date. Married 4 months later.
23 years ago still together and happy.
I wouldn't recommend rushing into like we did for everyone but it worked for us and i have never had any regrets

ohtheholidays · 17/03/2017 23:22

Second marriage for me and my DH we got engaged 7 months after we started dating and we've been together over 11 years now and I already had DC and we've gone on to have DC together.

It's worked for us,3 years in you should be really confident that this is what you want so why wait any longer?

Original poster
Nosyparker1 · 17/03/2017 23:25

Kind of got a problem that I'm not divorced, don't know where H lives & I fled abusive marriage and never sorted that Blush

OP posts:
Elphame · 17/03/2017 23:36

Engaged within 2 months
Married 8 months later
Will be celebrating 33 years this Sept

Haudyerwheesht · 17/03/2017 23:39

We were v young but got engaged after 8 months but not married until I'd graduated which was 4 years later. We're still together and have been for 16 years.

QueenofLouisiana · 17/03/2017 23:39

About 3 months after we started seeing each other when we were 21. We've been together for 20 years and married for 18, so I think we did ok.

largepinotplease · 17/03/2017 23:50

Engaged after 9 years and after we bought our house BUT we got together at 17/18 so childhood sweethearts. This year we'll have been together 11 years, married for two and it'll be our baby's first birthday so it worked out well for us! If it feels right for you don't worry what anyone else thinks!

Chasingsquirrels · 17/03/2017 23:53

When you decide you want to marry.

Xmasfairy86 · 17/03/2017 23:56

Got engaged 11 years down the line! House, dog, 2 kids, then the ring!

FrenchLavender · 17/03/2017 23:58

We knew we'd get married and have kids within about 6 or 8 weeks but we didn't get officially engaged until we'd been together 13 months. There was a Slight problem in that we had to wait for DH to get divorced first!

It was the second time for both of us and we got married six months after getting engaged, so we'd been together about a year and a half.

JennaRainbow · 17/03/2017 23:59

Engaged after a year and a half. Married a year and a half after that. Together 10 years now!

isaulte · 17/03/2017 23:59

Lived together for 20 years then got engaged. Fell out and decided not to get married after all. Gave the ring back. That was 4 years ago. We are still together and never discuss it!

FrenchLavender · 18/03/2017 00:00

oh and forgot to say, that was 20 odd years ago.

SuperBeagle · 18/03/2017 00:02

We were together for 2 years before we got engaged, but had been friends for 8 years by the time we got together (10 years by the time we got engaged).

YoullTakeGroatsOfCourse · 18/03/2017 00:04

I asked, (then backtracked) after a couple of years of living together. He said he'd known within a few months / less than a year we'd get married - big head! This was in our early 20s so there was no rush.

maras2 · 18/03/2017 00:41

28th February 1971 following 2 years of courting.Smile
Married in 1975 and still together.

lacklustremum · 18/03/2017 00:42

Engaged 5 weeks after we met, married 3mths after that. We've been married 14 years with 2 DC (11&12)

Twofurrycats · 18/03/2017 01:30

Never. So not much help. But as you are together and have a child already what are you actually waiting for? Crack on with what you want to do.

FrenchLavender · 18/03/2017 06:48

I agree Two I don't see the point of a formal engagement and then a long waiting period when you live together and already have children. Confused It's a bit daft.

emochild · 18/03/2017 07:07

Has no one read the OP's latest post?

Under normal circumstances then no one would bat an eyelid about you getting engaged after 3 years and a child

But you are still married so it would be a bit off IMO

How long has it been since you saw your husband?

See a solicitor and get it sorted

Original poster
Nosyparker1 · 18/03/2017 08:19

Not seen H for nearly 4 years

OP posts:
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