To tell her he's autistic?

[DrivingAndGoogling]

A mum at school always tells me how awkward her boy is. Socially awkward, no friends, doesn't listen etc She tells me every opportunity she gets either at the gates, at parties, play dates etc

For me he's clearly autistic... My boy has autism as well so I know
Do I tell her? She could get the help he needs if she looks into it, but at the moment it seems she's at a loss at what to do
Just to point out that not sure if the school has said anything
I'm not sure I'd appreciate someone telling me something like this for my boy so.... WWYD?

[Elendon]

Pagwatch No I didn't want him to go to special school. It was a 40 mile round trip in a taxi on his own from the age of 4. The school locked all the doors and the only thing that was available for him to play with was Thomas the Tank Engine (the trains took up most of the space in his reception). I found it oppressive and depressing to be honest. Thankfully, he did enough on his Ed Pysch assessment for her to say he could cope with mainstream (but only with one to one, and only with a full statement - they wouldn't take him in the special school without a statement anyway).

The other mums (some of them) thought it would be possible for their sons to continue in private school with a statement (no, not without a fight from the local authority regarding payments - a bit like asking for private treatment on the NHS). I found them arrogant and entitled to be honest.

[Elendon]

Polter you said that I thought there might be a cure for autism. For that I told you to fuck off, no I don't think there is a fucking cure.

But perhaps you actually think there is a cure? Or that children just grow out of it?

[Elendon]

Polter Why then did my son have speech and language assessments?

He was not non verbal (have you actually met a non verbal child?).

[Elendon]

In 2005 we were told our son was high functioning on the autism spectrum. By a paediatrician.

I don't have to put up with this shit. I can only go on what I read and what all the professionals told me. I put up with a lot of shit when getting my son the full support he needed, which he still gets. And he will do until university ends (his pipe dream).

[pikapoo]

OP - you could suggest the other mum explore further and seek support, but not give your own assessment I think!

Elendon, you seem to be getting very worked up and defensive about issues you have experienced that are detracting somewhat from the original OP. And yes you are presenting a lot of opinions, not facts

[Pagwatch]

Perhaps the helpful thing then Elendon would be if you stopped presenting your very limited experience as fact and as typical.

You didn't like a special school - the one you visited and which was not appropriate for the needs of your individual child.

I visited six and whilst I didn't personally like two of them I would not post on here disparagingly as if my experience of them was the beginning and end of it.

You clearly adore your son and have obviously fought very hard to help him and find support and educational settings to meet his needs and allow him to grow.

That does not make it ok for you to completely ignore the feelings of everyone else on here who has also had to fight to get the best for their child, nor to frighten the parents of children not yet diagnosed or ready for formal education but sniping inaccurately about entire education sectors.

Your anger is palpable but you should try and be more honest because you are colouring everyone else's experience with your own.

[Elendon]

I'm only presenting the facts as they were given to me by professionals. Too right I'm worked up about it. I've been accused of trying to cure my son of autism. He's 15 now and thinks there actually is a cure because he found videos on You Tube about it. That get's me worked up. And I won't apologise for it either.

'@Pikapoo

[LadyPW]

WTF? Words fail.
Gin The word-failing is probably because of this autism m'larky - it's because we can't process language

[Elendon]

It was the only fucking non paying school in the area at that time Pagwatch A 40 mile round trip, and I wasn't allowed to bring him, he had to be taken there in a taxi.

I enquired about private schools and was told it was a no no, we don't take those sorts there and only one said maybe but the fees were high.

I have not ignored the 'feelings of everyone else' either. Many people have agree with me that the OP should not tell her friend her son is autistic 'clearly severe' as well! What bullshit is that?

[Elendon]

I'm not processing bullshit dressed up as language.

[Pagwatch]

Did you not understand what I wrote?

Because what you just posted makes no sense.

[Pagwatch]

I still don't believe that a number of private schools each told you, on the phone, that
'they don't take those sorts'

That didn't happen. Apart from anything what an astonishing co-incidence that they all use the same, highly disablist, phrase.

[Pagwatch]

A special school 20 miles away is not unusual.
They are expensive and hard to get into. Which is why a number of patents with children at a private pre-prep then moving directly to a special school is surprising

Most allow you to bring your own child to do although most parents are encouraged to apply for transport to and from school as it can be hard to obtain later if you decline it initially.

The

[raffle]

"We don't take those sorts here"?



They actually said that?

[Elendon]

It did happen Pagwatch They said that. Get over it. Move on. Believe me.

There were other schools, special if you really want to use that word, but he wasn't eligible because they were for children with moderate to severe learning difficulties. The other schools were for children with disabilities and no learning difficulties.

I was given the choice of sending him to any of the four mainstream schools in the area. One I didn't like because they were incredibly condescending and had no clue. The other school was completely open plan (totally unsuitable), with a cubby hole for quiet times out.

[Hogs]

My severely autistic nephew (8) is non verbal. He doesn't make eye contact, doesn't play. He can write if he is copying text.

He obviously cannot go to mainstream school but instead goes to a "special school" which is so, so good for him. It wasn't "disablist" for our local primary to tell us they couldn't take him, it was the reality. They simply couldn't. He needs more than one-on-one. Moreover, he goes in a taxi for school because it is so far away and my sister has 2 other children. There are very few schools with provision for severely autistic students and few parents are lucky enough to live close by.

To the OP: perhaps you should, as others have said, gently point this mum in the direction of her GP. If she is honest with them about her concerns they should refer him. I wouldn't tell her "he's clearly autistic" because a) you simply don't know and b) if she needs professional advice, the school gates is not the best place to get it. But she would almost certainly welcome your empathy, whatever the outcome.

[GinAndTunic]

Gin The word-failing is probably because of this autism m'larky - it's because we can't process language

Hah, LadyPW!

This telepathy lark works pretty well, don't you think?

[Pagwatch]

I'm simply never going to believe that a number of private schools, all contacted separately by you, all said 'we don't take those sorts'.

That didn't happen.

If at any stage you want to confirm that you called and detailed your child's difficulties and they said 'I'm really sorry but I think we neither have the experience nor the expertise to deal with those issues and would not be able to consider him for a place here' then I could perfectly believe that as it has the virtue of being plausible.

But that wouldn't fit into your narrative.

[Elendon]

Well Pagwatch you can believe what you want to believe. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn.

[LadyPW]

This telepathy lark works pretty well, don't you think?
I knew you were going to type that
But then I did have that intensive 1 on 1 telepathy training!!

[PovertyPain]

Apologies if I offended anyone with my comment, earlier, except for the one sarcastic fuck, that is. I'm very protective of my wee lass and as she isn't able to speak for herself, I tend to be very over protective. I and my friends that have children/young adults with autism obviously have a different viewpoint, possibly it's to do with where we live or how it was explained to us. Obviously I would not tell someone how to identify themselves. It's been very interesting reading how others describe themselves and why. I can certainly understand that viewpoint too.