To want my mum to prioritise me?

[JustCallMeAnna]

My sister's wife is jealous of how well my sister and I get on. Since they married she has increasingly alienated her from me. Before they married we all got on okay but SIL was a bit off with my mum and dad. Nothing major.

I think this might be one of those things that sometimes happens when people marry? Whilst they find their feet as a couple? Who knows? Anyway She should be my sisters primary concern as they are married, live together and last year had a child together. Of course my sister should put her first.
But not at the expense of everything else.

I've not seen the baby (have sent gifts etc) as they live a few hours drive away and come over here every couple of weeks.
Every time they come over since the baby came most of my family (parents and one other sibling) hide this from me as they don't want to create tension (!) my sister keeps saying not to bother going over as they will bring the baby to see me next time they are down but never do.

To clarify-we have NEVER had an actual falling out or even an argument

My own mum is scared that SiL will not let her see the baby so panders to her every whim including leaving me out of family celebrations so that they can come and lying by omission to my face.

It hurts and I just want to block them all out of my life. It's making me so bloody sad all the time. I have my own lovely little family and am quite a non confrontational person by nature so haven't had this out with my parents although they know how I feel because I have mentioned how odd I think it all is.

AIBU to think that I would be better off backing away from them all for my own mental health?

Would you say your sister is the favourite in your family, at all?

Only because in my dh's family, his brother is the favourite, and that spills over into everything that is his being the favourite - his wife, his children etc. To be totally honest, if my BILs wife decided she didn't like my dh, and was rude enough to be vocal about it to my PIL, I could imagine them behaving somewhat like this. It's fucked up.

If your sister & sil don't want to see you when they visit, that's one thing, but how do they manage to exclude you from family things?

How's your relationship with your parents aside from this?

Sister is absolutely the favourite-it's a joked about fact.

I had a reply stating that I'm creating drama by bringing it all up and that I'm being silly.

Blocking numbers

I had a reply stating that I'm creating drama by bringing it all up and that I'm being silly.

Oh Anna, I'm so sorry. This is just beyond ridiculous. They exclude you for no sensible reason and then when you say enough is enough, you are the one creating a drama.

Wow, what a minimising reply. Like what you think/feel doesn't matter and is trivial.
You have been very effectively ostracised into a minor role on the outskirts of your family. The question here is, how much does that matter to you. Not that it doesn't hurt- obviously! it's perhaps as hurtful a thing as they could manage. But do you want to end up central in this family?
I'm just wondering really if you have a clear idea of what winning would look like to you here?
Not being wanted is shit, but being engulfed by dysfunctionality people is more shit. I just wonder as I certainly, have spent time striving to achieve things in relationships which on closer examination I didn't really want, and would have been quite bad for me.

Was it your sis who replied or your Mum? Either way that is a shit reply, after all they are the ones creating the situation by excluding you in the first place. If it is all so silly why are you not invited to the family events?

As above - if it's all so silly WHY are the excluding you ?

Can't stop thinking about you. If what happened some time ago is so silly why is it being used to ostracise you and your children. Either it is serious enough to warrant ostrication or silly enough to make this situation and nonsense.

I'd say that to mum and sister (joint Whatsapp) and ask whether they thought that offence was sufficient to hurt both you and your children and request that they decide that by the end of the weekend.

I don't get it. Why are you going to cut of your sister, when you could talk to your sil and say sorry I came across as rude, it really want my intention.

I read the post, I think it's really sad that your family would behave like this, when it's SIL who appears to have the issue.

I really do feel for you, I think you're reasonable in thinking about drawing back. I get DM wants to see her Grandchild, but this shouldn't be at the expense of lying to other children. I would feel betrayed.

A friend of mine had a similar problem with a SIL. Soon after her marriage SIL took umbrage at something my friend's adult dd said and the brother and SIL have hardly spoken to my friend since. Said SIL was recently diagnosed as being paranoid.

MumW got it in one.

I'd send the message I suggested earlier or similar and then block and go NC,you'll soon see your importance to your parents then.

I'm sorry your going through this,I know it's shit when one member of the family causes problems for everyone else,like I said I went through it myself.

But the best thing you can do is be clear with them all and stand up for yourself

For your own peace of mind keep away from them. I can't help wondering if the fact it is a same-sex relationship has something to do with it, everyone being so ok with this they give it more credence than yours. And SIL demanding this.Does DB have children?
I would maybe get some counselling if you can afford it. If DSis has always been golden girl there will be family dynamics to work over. And things can change over time, their relationship might not last, ? someone moves further away for work, your family will grow and change. Best of luck in a v sad situation.