"Put it up out of reach"

[GoingQuietlyInsane]

My 3yo toddler is into everything and it's driving me up the wall!

I have to check my bag 5 times before we leave the flat as she has form for taking stuff out - my keys, my wallet etc. She gets into my makeup and ruins it, gets it on the furniture. finds pens and draws on walls, pulls clothing out of cupboards and drawers, breaks things in the kitchen.

We rent so I can't make too many amendments to the place. We do have two high shelves but they are literally the only place I can put things that she can't get to! She climbs onto the kitchen counters, uses chairs to reach onto the dining table - nowhere is safe any more

Even the bathroom cabinet is accessible to her by standing on the loo.

AIBU to wonder where all these "up out of the reach of toddlers" places are? Does anyone else struggle with this?

what never cease to amaze me is that parents who claim to do the best for their kids because clearly the rest of us do not, who encourage their free thinking, independence, own personality and so on, these parents are also the ones who think the less of their children. Too young, can't understand, too confusing...
A 6 month old baby has no "rules". At 1 year old, they completely understand the concept of "no", at 2 they are intelligent enough to know the rules and at 3 they can nearly have a full conversation with you!

Yes, they are very little, and are still babies for some things, but their understanding and intelligence is amazing. They lack words to express many things, but they understand so much.

"If she "just gets into stuff" it's because stuff I s accessible. Make it inaccessible"

2014 did you read my OP!?

"She pees alone? And she's not even 3?

I'm getting the impression she needs a lot more supervision, tbh."

Wow, only here could a poster get chastised for having a toilet-trained child at 2.10... she's getting there, but the urge often takes her quite quickly, so she will run to the loo shouting "toilet time! Toilet time!" and I will scamper after her. By the time I arrive, she's pulling her knickers down and I help her onto the seat.

I don't think she would make it to the loo in time if I had to get there before her, get to to stand back while I unlocked it, then run around my legs to get inside. That's all.

Mental I like your approach. Totally hear you about the partner thing too. DP can be a bit "do it my way, now" and it seems a bit OTT.

TinklyLittleLaugh say I'm standing at the sink, washing my face. DD is next to me and finds my makeup bag because it's right there, I've taken it out of the cabinet in preparation and - as per my OP - I don't have any "up out of her reach" places to put it.

It takes her a few seconds to pull a lipstick out, remove the cap and rub it all over her face or hands, then hands go on other stuff, etc. It's easy for that sort of thing to happen.

I gotta agree that it's unusual for a child to be able to get up to that much mischief in a tiny open plan flat with 3 doors.

You're either not supervising closely enough, or you're literally standing there watching her do mischief.

"you seem to be blindly ignoring the posts you don't like whilst only repeating the posts you do like. To the point that you've "changed your opinion" about a poster who it sounds like you've usually admired or agreed with.
You're getting a lot of sensible advise on here but you're choosing to ignore it. You posted asking for it so listen to it."

See pigs, this is what I'm talking about. Take a look at my replies. Look at how many times I have thanked people for good advice and information.

Why bother, if people only see what they want to? I'm taking this on board. There are 7 pages of comments. It takes quite a bit of time to reply to them all.

Also, whoever called me thick - but OTT, isn't it?

But if you're in the room with her and you jump up when she does...you could open the door.

I'm not chastising you for having a toilet trained child! I'm wondering how frequently she goes unsupervised for it to be necessary for her to access the toilet alone.

Ok but what I don't understand is what you're doing whilst she's opening your bag and taking your lipstick out? Cos you say it only takes a few seconds - well, taking it off her and saying "No that's only for Mummy's" only takes ONE second. It must be right at your hand!

And I'm sorry but in a world with command strips you ALWAYS have up out of reach places. And the glory that is IKea suction shelves and hooks.

Does she know how to use keys? Because she will be out before you know it if she does, you need to work out a way to protect her.

BaggyCheeks looking into How We Montessori! Thanks for your post - and for your empathy. Clearly I'm rubbing people up the wrong way on here so thank you for not piling on

I meant to mention before - pet gates are much much higher than child gates but are the same thing. Available at Argos. So even a tall child will be stumped by a gate for a Labrador. But your partner would need to agree to that.

I'm standing at the sink, washing my face. DD is next to me and finds my makeup bag because it's right there, I've taken it out of the cabinet in preparation

As you take it out, you say to DD - no touching, it's mummy's and there are things that might hurt you.
If she goes to touch - Mummy said no.
If she goes to touch again - pick her up, and remove her.

And repeat

Of course she's a toddler at three.

Put some of those door catches on the kitchen cabinet and keep your handbag in there. Say no loudly and firmly. Put a bolt on your bedroom door (obviously if your landlord will allow) and keep your things in there. Keep pens in one place only and only allow them to be used at the table under supervision. Put them away immediately her attention starts to wander.

I had a make up destroyer. I had to do that otherwise he'd make a beeline for the expensive stuff the little shite!

"Ok but what I don't understand is what you're doing whilst she's opening your bag and taking your lipstick out? Cos you say it only takes a few seconds"

I might be washing my face! I might be facing the other way. I really don't think I need to explain the fact that kids get into stuff and make mischief. Everyone knows that they do this! I am looking for ways to mitigate it. There's lots of people on here simply saying "you're doing it wrong" and yes I'm ignoring some of them because it isn't constructive.

That last bit wasn't directed at you Elspeth but back to your post, I am googling Command strips

LisaMed1 luckily we have a chain on the door, it's at my head height, I asked the LL to put it in before we moved for that reason

Going Just hide the thread now. You will continue to get posts attacking you, as this is AIBU. there is some good advice here, so take that and ignore the judgmental rubbish.

And I cannot believe you are getting slammed because you're DD goes to the loo on her own Only on bloody mumsnet!

Thank you LaContessaDiPlump it's nice to know I'm not the only one - it's just tiring.

It is a shame that people on here love to attack other women, I'm not really sure why - mob mentality I spose.

DD isn't causing mayhem constantly, she's a pleasure to be around, but she does struggle if I leave her on her own for more than about 10 seconds. So I will up the activities. She is getting better, but I've been trying to foster a bit of independent play and maybe expecting too much of her. She has never been able to be left alone and I was worried I wasn't doing the right thing by always entertaining her.

Obviously, I was wrong, and have been raising a monster instead

You are coming across quite woe is me. Obviously toddlers get into everything.

You could get out one piece of makeup at a time rather than the whole bag. You could set up a puzzle for her to do on the floor while you do your make up. You could continuously remove her from the bag saying 'no' until she finally, eventually, gets the idea. You could give her 'DD makeup' (face paint) that she plays with while you do make up and then wash her face after as part of the game.

There are millions of ways to approach this.

Boundaries are important and it's not her problem if you struggle to enforce them. Whatever you do it needs to be consistent and thoughtful. It's not up to her to validate your parenting.

No it's just that you have to be cannier.

My kids don't yet know my makeup exists. I have a box that holds it all and I keep it in my wardrobe. My bedroom is locked at all times (easier than being paranoid about my jewellery tbh). I put on my makeup by stealth basically. I take a couple of bits out in my pocket and apply in 5 mins whilst they're absorbed in Paw Patrol with their backs to me.

Then back into my pocket it goes until they're in the buggy and I can put it back.

It is a shame that people on here love to attack other women, I'm not really sure why - mob mentality I spose.

or maybe because you are insulting other people's parenting advice when they are only replying to your question. You ask for advice, they give it and you are mocking them and telling them they are wrong, or bad parents. What do you expect?

If you ask for a lot of "of course it's fine if your little darling is destroying the house and risk badly hurting herself in the process", then you should have worded your thread differently.

You are right BakeOff I said I'd bow out before and I should have left it at that.

Honestly, this place is fascinating sometimes. Sort of like watching animals in the wild attacking the vulnerable one in the group. If posters here don't completely roll over and act submissive, people will just keep piling on and on, baying for blood!

Thank you all for your thoughts.

Good god you've over-thought this to a spectacular degree.

Blindly obeying orders

You're keeping her safe and teaching her how to do so. IT'S YOUR JOB.

"you are insulting other people's parenting advice when they are only replying to your question. You ask for advice, they give it and you are mocking them and telling them they are wrong, or bad parents."

No, you are getting me confused with somebody else. This isn't about you.

OK THAT WAS DEFINITELY MY LAST POST !

Oh and every pen and crayon in the house is in a pencil holder on top of the fridge. I have control over anything that makes a mark.

I also lock the downstairs bathroom. And we have pressure mounted stargates.

We have almost nothing in any drawer up to waist height but tea towels.

All the very low drawers still have child locks cos they were pulling out the empty drawers and standing in them to reach the counter. With the hot electric kettle on. So they are now "broken".

Keys are never kept in locks but laid on picture/door frames.

They are also walked twice a day, like dogs.

It's about optimising their success, really.

Discipline and sealed containers are the way forward.

I have raised 3 children.
For one I just had to say "No" and she would stop what she was doing. It lead to no unfortunate consequences. She didn't say No to me a lot. It was amazing - and it worked. (And this wasn't my first child so I wasn't smug, and was quietly amazed.)

For the others, if they had touched my bag (which wouldn't have been easy as it was usually on a peg so out of reach), I would say "No" and if they continued either:
distract - by giving them something of their own instead - which could well be an old bag of mine full of junk.
Or stops them and make them sit on a step for a minute or so.

I wouldn't allow a child unfettered access to the bathroom as there is all kinds of stuff there they could damage/hurt themselves with.

To be honest at three I could also verbally discuss things such as "that is Mummy's" to explain why they weren't able to just fiddle with stuff. And even "that has wasted money - I can't afford a colouring book/magazine/toy etc." now. Or even that "makes Mummy sad".

It is exhausting at that age, but even worse if you have no hope of them keeping to a few simple rules. There are plenty of new things they can surprise you with every day.

Agree with hanging things over doors. What about those shoe organisers? You can put stuff in the higher ones.

This phase is driving me nuts too.

Lots of judginess on this thread!