"Put it up out of reach"

[GoingQuietlyInsane]

My 3yo toddler is into everything and it's driving me up the wall!

I have to check my bag 5 times before we leave the flat as she has form for taking stuff out - my keys, my wallet etc. She gets into my makeup and ruins it, gets it on the furniture. finds pens and draws on walls, pulls clothing out of cupboards and drawers, breaks things in the kitchen.

We rent so I can't make too many amendments to the place. We do have two high shelves but they are literally the only place I can put things that she can't get to! She climbs onto the kitchen counters, uses chairs to reach onto the dining table - nowhere is safe any more

Even the bathroom cabinet is accessible to her by standing on the loo.

AIBU to wonder where all these "up out of the reach of toddlers" places are? Does anyone else struggle with this?

[BlackRibboner]

just hope you don't leave your dc in my path, you might regret it, I'm so clumsy and say the oddest things

We're talking about young children. All of whom can be annoying and some of whom are inadequately supervised. And your answer is to swear at them and "accidentally" hurt them? Hopefully I've had a sense of humour bypass and just missed the joke, because that's really horrible.

[IfTheSockFits]

@GoingQuietlyInsane

"You don't need to "punish". Consequences are enough. Saying "no" in a cross tone usually goes a long way. When were you thinking of introducing rules, at 10? A three year old can understand simple rules like that."

paxillin Oh I definitely say no! She honestly doesn't care! She just carries on as if I hadn't said a thing. I sometimes end up talking louder and louder as it's like talking to a brick wall, then I shout, which I don't want to do.

I clearly need to work on this though, as my approach isn't working

What do you mean 'she just carries on'?

You need to get physical. Either remove the item from her, or remove her from the item/furniture etc.

It's no good asking her to get down from the table, or whatever. Once you have told her and she's ignored you, then go and pick her up and move her somewhere else.

If she does it again, then you do the same. Again and again. You have to be consistent and do it every time.

You are the boss in this situation.

[CSIblonde]

I'd get a lock for the bedroom door. As long as you return the property to its original state when you leave,you can put up shelves etc in most normal rental contracts. ( I worked in Lettings).Also, childproof doors on any cupboards: those white plastic child locks that mean the door only opens a half inch are cheap. Also, if she ignores a no there needs to be a consequence,like a 3min time out(a minute for every year old,in the same, preselected spot each time, returned to it if she leaves before 3mins). You need to binge watch SuperNanny on YouTube or she's going to walk along over you for ever more.

[grannyinapram]

@ineedamoreadultieradult

She is 3 years old she is old enough to be told not to touch certain things and not to take things out of your bag. Obviously proper dangerous stuff such as medicines should be out of reach or in a locked container if this isnt possible but as gor just taking things out of your bag just tell her not to and if she does apply whatever discipline you use. She isnt an 18 month old toddler she is a pre schooler and old enough to follow instructions.

What a load of tosh, it depends on the child. My eldest was a climber too, I feel for you OP.
I very much doubt the op doesn't tell her kid to stop but 3 is still very young and climbing to reach forbidden items is just what kids do. Even older kids than 3. I would climb to nick 10p for a sweet when I was 8 or so, I knew I wasn't allowed but children push boundaries and don't always do as their told.

honestly some of the posters on here.
'have you tried telling the child to stop?'

Short of removing the child's legs, I am afraid that climbers will just climb. My eldest is 8 now and he still climbs to get stuff from the top of the bookcase and out of the kitchen cupboards. I haven't tried removing his legs yet though

[Atenco]

Sorry, I've only read the first couple of pages of this, but what strikes me most is that you really underestimate your dd's intelligence. You talk about her as if she were a non-verbal animal frankly, when in fact children are at their most intelligent in the early years. What's wrong with explanations and punishments when they continue to defy you? She's not china that will fall apart.

You are her teacher. How is she to instinctively know that she should pull things out of your bag, draw on the walls, etc.

[paxillin]

I think very few posters who say they are hiding a thread they started actually do so, ppeatfruit. And the discussion can go on even without OP, that's why MN don't just delete threads if the OP doesn't like the answers. It might help or interest others.

[Batteriesallgone]

But pp, has she cancelled the cheque?!

[RB68]

Frankly I would take her to a climbing wall and let her get on with it. She is obviously high energy and needs wearing out and and element of achievement - reaching up and getting what she wants - see it as a positive and work with it. In the mean time rinse and repeat no that is not acceptable behaviour and stop them doign it and stick close. Use door locks and child safety locks for kitchens, bathrooms and so on

[ppeatfruit]

I'm going to repeat this THE OP HAS HIDDEN THIS THREAD !!!!!!!! Also the child isn't 3 yet.

[Ohyesiam]

Op, check out Hand in Hand Parenting. I think it would really speak to you..

[Venusflytwat]

"DP can be a bit "do it my way, now" and it seems a bit OTT."

That's cos he's trying to parent for the both of you.

[Zsuzsika]

Have you thought about showing her things and show her what they are used for? Maybe sit with her on the floor and explain to her what a wallet is for, what you use your keys for and maybe leave those on the table next and ask HER to put it in your bag before you leave so she gets part of that habit that things need to go in the bag rather than out.
This is what I do with my 2 yo DS and he turned out to be such a little helper! Of course he tries it on sometimes but he helps me more than anything and he loves it!
That way you make them feel important and that they do something important too instead of just saying no no no all the time which will drive you daft!

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

[MrsA2015]

I haven't read all of your replies OP but I have a few things I don't quite get.

Can you not keep the bathroom door closed/locked? Or do you want her to have constant access? And how is your makeup the readily available to her, surely you can use a vanity case and store it in your cupboard?does she have enough toys to play with, do you play with her to keep her occupied enough? Perhaps she needs a lot of stimulating. Good luck otherwise !

[DaisyDrip]

My friends DGS was a climber. In the space of a couple of months he fell off the kitchen counter and the toilet. Pre school involved Social Services due to the resulting injuries.

[deliverdaniel]

My younger DS is like this. WE've had a bit of success tackling it over hte last few weeks.

I feel like I got into a bad downward spiral- he was naturally challenging, so I spent the whole time chasing after him/ saying no etc, and was then exhausted and felt like i'd spent the whole day paying attention to him and wanted a break, so gave him less attention. actually from his point of view he had had very little actual focused attention from me (jsut me chasing him saying no.) When this clicked it really helped me. I have been combining two approaches- 1) giving him my full attention doing something constructive as much as I possibly can- eg playing a game/ baking/ doing art etc etc and then 2) enforcing consequences- we have done the supernanny method (watch a few shows on youtube and you'll get the idea) but 123 magic is basically the same thing, just with one extra warning thrown in there. With those two things combined, things have calmed down quite a bit. It's far from perfect, but it's definitely much better. But I sympathise with you. It's exhausting and some kids are much harder than others. DS 1 was never like this. And when people say you should "just say no" often their kids are not actually like this.

[unfortunateevents]

If your DD behaves at pre-school, in public and with other people around, then she understands exactly what she is doing but she won't stop rifling through your bag, cupboards, bathroom cabinet etc because she can get away with it. There are no consequences to any unsuitable behaviours so why wouldn't she carry on being "curious"?

[1horatio]

I can't imagine punishing her for being curious. It's annoying, but she wouldn't understand it. I don't use punishments, I don't even know where I would start.


Well... Nobody is suggesting anything harsh. But she's taking your things and more importantly, getting into things that may be dangerous to her. Climbing on the loo is dangerous. The things she finds may be dangerous. What if she grab scissors and falls off the loo? Has something out of glass in the hand and falls on it? Finds something poisonous?

Be firm. Say no.

Baby gates (as already mentioned) may be really useful.

[Kkmuppet]

I just want to sympathise. We have a 3 yo who is SO cunning. She absolutely knows what's wrong and right and know she isn't supposed to climb in the kitchen to go in top cupboards etc but she doesn't care! The other day I said I was just popping to get the shopping in from the car. I was about to walk out when I heard her shout 'have you gone yet mummy?' My spideysense fired up and I stayed quiet. She yelled two more times then I heard 'oh she's gone'. Creeping back to the kitchen I found her up on top of the units reaching for the biscuit barrell stored on top of the top units. 😬 I actually felt a mixture of amusement and pride at how clever she'd been but obviously had stern words.
We have decided we are going to get a really big lockable cupboard under the stairs and put everything in it that she messes with or is dangerous. Good luck!

[ppeatfruit]

I did notice that the OP didn't respond when I posted that
you have to shadow 'climbers' like hers. I believe in kind parenting but I also believe that if you've got an annoying toddler who is too young to understand the meaning of No or "do not pull your playmate's hair" Then you damn well make sure that your own child is stopped before she does it!

It is a pain but you have to watch them like a hawk. Especially in dangerous situations like kitchens etc.

[Scaredycat3000]

Very strange to get a little insight into the heads of the parents whose dc have their name prefixed with naughty by their peers.
Was it your dc OP last week who followed my slightly older dc round the supermarket, stopping me shopping whilst I dealt with your dc? You didn't even try and find your dc when I lead them to the other side of the shop, to the doors. It was just their natural curiosity! I do hope they repeated the swear words I taught them. Or are you the DM who decided I could look after their dc at the festival, despite you not knowing us at all, I do hope the dc's arm was alright after it got stuck hard between the railings and my leg, whoops, up side they finally understood the basic request to leave us alone. I find my dc behave quite well, they witness the consequences of other dc's behaviour. I know you're not my SIL, but on the off chance, your dc make already stressful IL visits unbearable for years now and they're only 6!
OP the thing about saying no (that's wrong) is you should also be saying yes (that's right, I'm so proud of you!). In the meantime, just hope you don't leave your dc in my path, you might regret it, I'm so clumsy and say the oddest things.

[manicmij]

Agree at age 3 there is a need to have child understand what "NO" means. Your DD does sound as if she has a kind of obsession with things and I would ask if she has had any kind of assessment about this. There may well be some condition lurking within the behaviour.

[Highmaintenancefemalestuff]

One of the teachers comes out 10-15 minutes before the kids (preschool, 2 days a week), tells everyone what their child has been up to and how they have been. Parents evening I was told he was a quiet boy who kept himself to himself and they had never had any problems with him. I had previously mentioned how his behaviour had deteriorated at home and she said he was always well behaved at school.

[thatdearoctopus]

highmaintenance, I hate to tell you this, but teachers usually only go out of their way to comment on "how good he's been" when the default position is poor behaviour. If a child is always biddable and compliant, behaviour would never even come up with their parents. It's kind of a given.

[Astoria7974]

You don't want to discipline her, you don't want to gently tell her not to go through your handbag, so suffer. I'm sorry but what other advice are you expecting people to give you here?