Middle name for new baby may upset MIL...

[Coughandsplutter]

We are expecting number two soon and if we have a girl we would like to use my mum's first name and it's middle name. This may annoy MIL. How would you play this and AIBU for really wanting to do this? It'd mean a lot to me, my mum and also was my grandmother's name. Unfortunately MIL'S name is not something I like so won't be using it.

Both DCs have middle names which come from my side of the family. DS1's middle name is the middle name of my Dad, Brother and Grampa. DS2's middle name is the first name of my favourite Uncle. Selfishly I didn't like the names on DH's side so chose not to use them. MIL was put out that her name and DH's (deceased) Dad's name weren't included but as far as I can tell unless you're pushing the 10lb baby out, you've no right to command your name be used on it. She mentioned to DH the day that DS2 was born that she'd like us to use a certain name, he handed her a cup of tea and said "well we've named the baby already so you're going to have to use that name for your next dog when that ugly one dies".

She is also obsessed with the DCs not looking like me. They both have my smile but I'm alright with it; they also have my cutting humour and my naughtiness, which are far more important.

Both our Dd's have non family names.
They also don't have middle names. Mil did question the lack of middle names as in her and also fil families children take the first names of the grandparents as middle names. Dh has one grandad name as middle. BIL the other grandad as middle.
We just wanted a simple name for our girls that wouldn't cause any aggro from either side, or either side to claim they were named for a relation. Easier that way.

Your son already has a name from your husband's side of the family (and a name that your MIL chose originally!). If there's any complaint I would say 'DC1 has a family name from the paternal side of the family so DC2 is having a family name from the maternal side of the family (and you happen to have chosen your Mum's name). Done.

We have 2 of each gender and they all have a parent's name as middle name, my mum only got her name in due to our surprise number 4

Yes - people pleasing, but an easy one to do. No pain to us and lots of happiness to them. I prefer to keep my powder dry for larger battles.

If she's "kicking up a fuss" or "throwing her toys out of the pram" or any of those awful things mils are supposed to do every day, then of course stand your ground. If you think she might be a bit sad, do the kind thing. No skin off your nose, and lots of happiness for others. There is a difference between pleasing people and being a people pleaser.

Or have two middle names. And if you don't like the MIL's name, then maybe choose another girl's name from their family - grandma, etc. ?
Just to consider.

But really, she just has to get on with it.

Two children here - first one followed one family tradition, second followed the other.

As you've done the same, I don't think anyone could accuse you of being "unfair" :)

When naming my DS I saw it this way, if you are going in the traditional sense and baby will have DH surname you are continuing their family name. So any middle names can represent mums side of the family win win for every one!

My dcs have their dad's surname and so I chose the first and middle names. I think that's reasonable and mil can put up with it.