Is a ten year age gap between DC too big?

[mumontherun14]

I have 2 DC 12 & 10 and am going to be 40 this year. I have spent the past ten years bringing up the DC, juggling part time work, changing jobs and helping with my mum who isn't well. Recently I have started to feel super broody when for years have been quite happy with the status quo. Two girls in work are expecting and I don't know if that's set me off. Has anyone else got a big age gap and how does it work with your DC? Also am feeling like I would be that bit older this time and it would be like starting again. Anybody been in a similar position and have any advice?

Just to add, as a few People have said how much they hated the big age gap between themselves and their siblings - my Siblings and I (big family) have no more than 17 months between any of us and yet We don't get on at all. I don't speak at all to one of them and barely speak to the others. Not getting on with your siblings often has nothing to do with the age gap .

I have a 9 year gap between me and my sister, 18 years between me and y brother. I don't know my brother well at all, practically a stranger, left home when I was 3... My sister and I get along brilliantly, we fought now and again growing up as normal but best of friends now. Similar position dd1 is 9 dd2 is 6... Had a MC in December and now dh doesn't want more. ☹️ I'm 37... Feel I can't have any more now, personally follow your gut... I so wish for one more and it kills me inside, in hoping part is hormones...But if you feel it's right, go for it, so wish I could. Xxx

BIL1 is 10 years older than DH. DH is 10 years older than BIL3.

I'm sitting holding my 5 week old ds and my 10 year old son is playing away. I had been trying for years and suffered 8 mmc before getting this miracle baby. It's not a problem the age gap but at 42 I'm shattered and feel sometimes I've let my older ds down as in so tired.
I suppose any mum to a newborn would feel the same and it will get easier when baby sleeps longer

I think I win the thread with a 24 year age gap between me and my youngest sibling does triumphant dance

24years! Gosh. Do you get on?

There's 11 years between my sister and myself. We get on well now but it's only recently that we've started to find some common ground (she's 58, I'm 47).

Having a sister who was studying for exams when I was a noisy typical child was difficult and I was constantly being told to be quiet. I yearned for a sibling closer in age because it was a bloody lonely and quite boring childhood at times.

My husband is 8 and 10 years behind his sisters - they definitely still baby him and he grew up pretty much as an only child and was the only one left to deal when his parents divorced too.

I am a decade younger than my husband so generations are totally screwed! Cousins are a generation apart and have nothing in common being more like an extra uncle/aunt.

I'm approaching 40 and having a few wobbles so understand that!

There are 14 years between myself and DB1 and 10 years between myself and DB2... and there are 8 years between my DD and my DS.

Growing up, I was essentially an only child in many ways. I remember starting school at 4, and being so proud that DB1 was the one taking me - and I remember similar pride that he'd turned up to my 5th birthday party for my friends (rather than the family one). However, I also remember feeling guilty because DB2 was forced to spend time with me - so it felt more like a punishment for both of us. He has no recollection of this, though, and says that he thoroughly enjoyed sitting through various Disney films in the fleapit cinema with me instead of playing football with his mates, or practising his Judo...

DB1 and I have always been close. He's the first person I turn to in a crisis, and the first one I want to tell when something brilliant happens. DB2 and I had a fractious relationship up until a couple of months ago when he turned 50 and suddenly realised that life's too short.

As for my children... it's difficult. We're at the stage now where family days out are on an even keel because they're 20 and 12 - but when they were 11 and 3, it was horrendous! My DD ended up traipsing around places geared towards small children, and my DS ended up being dragged (once or twice quite literally) through art galleries. Not to mention that I barely slept when my DS was a baby for fear of him not sleeping and disturbing my DD's rest on a school night.

I have to confess to having felt a little broody when my friends had children - all younger than my youngest - but then I got a dog and the broodiness went Would I have another now that I'm 40, presuming I'm still capable of doing so? No. But I do understand the powerful urge that consumes you to have another child. Just be aware that big age gaps don't always equal friendship in the long term, and teenagers/young adults still need their parents full attention at times (DB2 and my DD certainly did).

GoodnightSeattle

I see your 24, and I raise you 29!

My elder children were 13, 10 and 7 when I had my youngest - they absolutely adore her and she gets spoilt rotten! I love it.

GoodnightSeattle

Sorry but there is 30 years difference between me and my little brother. He is 7 months old now. My dad married a woman the same age as me. I won't know him, we live very far apart. I do love him though when he is my age I will be in my 60s!

I have an 8 year old, 4 year old and newly pregnant with my 3rd child. I am thrilled and have loved the age gap between my two. They have different needs but I find that easier to meet than if I had two little ones demanding the same thing for me.

No age gap is too big if it's what you really want. Hormones are very powerful! I went through a phase of feeling broody the week before my period every month and than as soon as i got my period thinking urgh no way do i want a baby. Siblings do and don't get on, that's just random. There's 20 years between my aunt's and they are V close be it more like mother/daughter. I have seen people really enjoy a baby after a bigger age gap and i guess it must be different as you are older and wiser and possibly don't sweat the small stuff anymore, but on reflection it's not for me. I only had the one for lots of reasons but the thought of a baby now she's in secondary school doesn't appeal. I am planning on increasing my work hours and actually having some money spare. Going on a different types of holiday (hopefully) and sorting out a rather run down house. Good luck making your decision. .

I don't think this has been said yet - your children are nearly teenagers, your family dynamics are about to change a lot (I have a 19 and a 22 year old). Yes, they are more independant and you get some time back for yourself. Yes, they are more "work" , emotionally at least, than the 5-10 range. But also, you can start sharing adult interests with them, I really enjoyed redoing things I loved pre-children with my teenagers, and discovering new stuff together.
I honestly feel that we would have missed out as a family if we were limited to what a small child could do. For me, another child at that point would have kept us in family-with-young-children mode rather than moving on to the next stage. Which is fine if that is what you want! Personnally I was a bit nostalgic for things like bedtime stories, but I found the teen stage made up for it (was rather more challenging too, but you won't get to skip that part whatever you decide )